sorry na

our prof wanted to talk to us about the 'sorting' part of our project. apparently he can't understand the logic of mergesort or whatever it is that mika did. actually, i don't understand it either, which makes things worse cos he's now 100% sure that someone else did our project because the coding is too 'advanced'. actually, i can justify that by saying that i never applied anything he taught us and everything you see there is the fruit of my tireless research. last night i was studying string tokenizer and pretty much got how it works, then i prayed to God that hopefully, our prof asks about string tokenizer instead of the mergesort (cos i don't get it). but he fucking wants us to explain the logic of the godamn sorting code, so we're dead and have to RE-DO the entire thing.

not exactly the entire thing but essentially it is, because i have to touch everrrrything in order to get what's gonna happen next. expect me to be awake for the next 6 hours or more.

you know what, i was unimpressed with his reaction. of all people, he should know how mergesort works and the logic behind it. it's not something exclusive only to atenean cs studs. it's okay if he asks me about it and i tell him the truth just to prove that i didn't do the project, but i can't accept it that the reason he called us is because he doesn't understand and needs us to explain it to him. he even said my friend (who did the work) loves a lot of drama cos there's a completely EASIER way of sorting (namely, the fucking bubble sort aka the-sorting-key-for-average-programmers).

ok, so i can't ask help from my atenean cs friends now cos apparently they're too advanced? gaaawd, that sounds like our school is so pathetic (or our faculty incompetent?). sorry. super sorry.

will do the project now. >:D

frankly speaking, i'm excited to DO it... from scatch. there's a certain fulfillment that goes with learning something on your own. especially programming.

Lord, bless me on this.

on the other hand, i find myself contradicting our mathlog teacher... quite a lot of times (mentally though). and i only consult about 20% of my doubts with her. why do i feel like there's something wrong? like... it's not conventional? whenever i feel doubtful about her lessons, i consult with jec and adrian first before i bring the matter to her. there are times when we three all agree that there's something vague with the definition she gave us, but she'll insist and explain it again, then i still won't get it. and so i'll just temporarily overwrite that part of my brain that screams "THAT'S NOT HOW IT SAYS IN THE OTHER BOOK!!!!" and i would feel uncomfortable about it because it feels like i'm being fed wrong information. that's like the worst feeling as a student, being taught something you know is theoretically wrong, but for the sake of a class convention (and a high grade), i would bend to it. fucking sad life, it is.

i feel so weird about my life right now. i feel scared that i'm starting to protest about academics this way like i'm some genius who knows everything. but the thing is, her top students agree with me (count me in). it sucks because i hate losing faith with our faculty because my learning relies on them. and you know, i want to learn so much. >:( i also want to get into the dean's list but my status won't let me. last time i checked i can only get 5 subjects next term. :(

crush talk: it's our last filione meeting and i forgot to do our project. hahaha i came to school and checked the room and he's already there but i fucking can't come in cos he's the only one there. nyeee. but i'm happy! on count, today is the day we talked the most. like... more than 1 sentence. mga 2!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA first is when he asked me the coverage of our exam. and second is when i was typing our project outside on a comp shop, he bent and said something like, "di mo pa nagagawa yung project?" sorinaman diba??? HAHAHAHA

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