feeling mo yata masyado na kong maraming naitutulong sayo. pwede na bang sagot yung, wala yon? kaya wag kang mahiya. kasi mahihiya rin akong tumulong. chaka sana malaman mong hindi lang ikaw ang tinutulungan ko. ano ba yan, letters lang e. yun lang! yun lang! err, chaka oras ko na rin. pero duh anobanamanyan? mahirap ba yon? i wouldn't think i'm helping enough with just thaaaaat. nyeee. I'VE DONE BIGGER FAVORS so don't think i'm putting too much effort on this play. AND, i'm doing this kasi nahihiya rin ako sayo. bakit ba whenever you come to me for something, feeling ko feeling mo ako lang makakagawa non. ng maayos?

i feel flattered every time people come to seek for my help. alam mo yung feeling na they're looking for you not because wala silang mapasahan ng trabaho, but because they know you can do a decent job? and they trust you with it. yon. kaya ang sarap tumulong kapag alam mong may tiwala sila sayo. pag alam mong kailangan ka.

i don't feel that way every time i do favors. but whenever i do, i feel driven.

and because i don't think i'm needed every time, di na muna ako aattend?? LOL para di ka na rin mahiya sakin. call me when you need me na lang. haha

LOL ayoko lang na magmukang overrrr ang pagtulong ko baka ma-misunderstood e. O_O e kasi nga, fine! matulungin akong bata.

PS: HINDI AKO NAPIPILITAN. utang na loobbbb >8\ muka lang, pero joke lang yon.

being awake for so long si sooo frakking tiring. gusto ko magsiesta pero di ko magawa! which is why the only day i look forward to right now is WEDNESDAY. no more PE!!!! i have the entire afternoon for myself! to sleeeeeeep!!! i miss you siestaaaaa >:(

waiting for the coffee to kick in >:)

finally, uhm, i'm busy! cos if i'm not i wouldn't be seeking the help of my favorite compound, 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine. lol that's the only thing i picked up from taking organic chemistry thrice, and quite the only thing that got stuck in my mind. oyehh. C8H10N4O2. how do you draw that again? >_<

by the way, i bought a new phone! LG KP500 Cookie! yey for finally upgrading to touchscreen. still needs a lot of getting used to, man, i text slower with it. and it's pretty slow too! i sold my nokia 1202 to my aunt. i'll miss its simplicity, and... the flashlight! hohoho okokok, if in a month i see glitches, i'm selling it online and buy a cheaper bar phone. hahaha oki have work to do, a long homework and an increasingly annoying java project we weren't even briefed on. 

sometimes, i enjoy doing favors. not because i'm genuinely helpful but because i like the feeling that people count on me, or that my skills are wanted, or that they think i'm fit for the job. hehe? 

haaaaaaaayyy. i still get this awkward feeling when we're alone together, just talking. i like it that he's pouring out, like he trusts me. too bad i can't do the same because... because, rarrrr it's different opening up to your crush. it's not like how you rant with your best friend. the latter feels more liberating. which is why i conclude he's never (and never will be) into me, because he's too comfortable. ha? i dunno, that's how i am with my super close friends. and most people i know can't talk well with their crushes. uhm i, for one, do. i'm blabbing. shut me up. 

practice was fun. i had to temporarily fill in for a missing cast while we're not doing anything on the props yet. i actually wanted to skip this day's practice cos we were dismissed at 2pm and the prac is at 530 (imagine the waaaiiit)!!! but i got guilty, cos ludrick texted and jot needs my company there. haha okaaay.

haven't started coding. must go now. >:\



here's my current reading list 1) Master of the Game - Sydney Sheldon 2) Mistress of the Game if 1) is interesting 3) The Book Thief (i just bought it awhile ago! thanks for the recommendation plaridel! >:D) and 4) Flipped (within a few weeks i'll get it hehehe thanks again plaridel for the rec!)

watched Inception wih Mika awhile ago. freakin great movie, i didn't understand it fully when i came out of the cinema, but the concept was great. really really great that i promise to rewatch it, on disc of course. HAHA

and so, cos i was tagged (and not tagging back), here goes


1. last beverage = nonfat milk
2. last phone call = umpe
3. last text message = jec
4. last song you listened to = happier - a fine frenzy
5. last time you cried = awhile ago at the movie house. i cry easily sarreh

6. dated someone twice = not even once
7. been cheated on = nope
8. kissed someone & regretted it = not yet
9. lost someone special = not yet. lol, but i want to cos it hurts sometimes. but not really. errrr...
10. been depressed = yeah
11. been drunk and threw up = yeah twice. once at my apartment after a session with my housmates, and the last one, at dan's car this year. T_T;

12. red
13. maroon
14. green

15. Made a new friend = yeah
16. Fallen out of love = getting there
17. Laughed until you cried = a loooot of times
18. Met someone who changed you = everyone has a made an impact in my life. somehow i've changed i just dunno who to put the credit on (it's actually a credit).
19. Found out who your true friends were = i always know who they are but there are some i'm not always sure of
20. Found out someone was talking about you = if being talked about here means i'm being gossiped about by people i don't know, then no. otherwise, doesn't everyone?

21. missing

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = in facebook?  around 95%
23. How many kids do you want to have = 2. or 3.
24. Do you have any pets = nope
25. Do you want to change your name = not really
26. What did you do for your last birthday = i don't remember. turning 19 wasn't so significant for me, as far as birthdays are concerned. i swam with my friends, i guess???
27. What time did you wake up today = 830am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = asleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = uhm, flipped and my salary of course. >:)
30. Last time you saw your mother = less than an hour ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = my course, my school. haha
32. What are you listening to right now? = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = nope
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? = nothing much
35. Most visited web page? = gmail, this blog, facebook
36. What's your real name? = arianne
37. Nicknames? = yan, yanyan
38. Relationship Status? = single and moving on from an imaginary love life hahahaa
39. Zodiac sign? = scorpio
40. Male or female? = fem
41. Elementary? = Seed
42. Middle School? = SHS
44. Hair color? = black
45. Long or short? = short
46. Height = they say i look tall, but i'm only 5'2''
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = yeah
48. What do you like about yourself? = i like it that i like to draw, write and read.
49. Piercings? = One on each ear.
50. Tattoos? = none
51. Right or left? = left?

52. First injury? = i had a knee injury when i was in 4th yr. and i was prescribed not to do strenous sports forrever. the fuck.
53. First best friend? = peachy!
55. First sport you joined? = GS: sprinting, chess (hey i won bronze here LOL) HS/COLLEGE: swimming
56. First vacation? = bicol

59. Eating? = nope
60. Drinking? = nope
61. I'm about to? = read book 1)
62. Listening to? = already asked
63. Waiting on? = love lol

64. Want kids? = yea
65. Get Married? = yeah someday
66. Career? = art related and high-paying.>:)

67. Lips or eyes? = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses? = hugs
69. Shorter or taller? = preferrably taller
70. Older or Younger? = for what ba to? sige na nga, older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous? = i enjoy spontaneous people more pero gusto ko rin naman kiligin. so both. haha
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? = arms kasi mahirap itago haha
73. Sensitive or loud? = being loud doesn't mean you're insensitive and vice versa. so, sensitive. hehe
74. Hook-up or relationship? = relationship. wth is a hook-up anyway?
75. Trouble maker or hesitant? = same as 73. i don't get it. and i don't want either

76. Had sex? = Nope
77. Drank hard liquor? = like what? i dunno, i don't classify them.
78. Lost glasses/contacts? = never had one
80. Broken someone's heart? = i don't think so.
81. Had your own heart broken? = yes?
82. Been arrested? = nope
83. Turned someone down? = no one has ever turned himself over in the first place
84. Cried when someone died? = nope
85. Fallen for a friend? = i fall for them even before they become my friends, then i fall out of it. on rare occasions, i fall out, then fall in crush again.

86. Yourself? = Sometimes
87. Miracles? = Yes
88. Love at first sight? = No
89. Heaven? = Yes
90. Santa Claus? = no
92. Angels? = Yes

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time? = nope
95. Did you sing today? = ya
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? = 2005?
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = ibang year na lang >:|
99. How do you feel this very second? = excited to read
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = Corny question.

i need friends who have the same level of freedom my parents give me

that's what i've realized this day. seems like even though i want to hang out with my favorite people, they're not always free. and even though i'm racking my mind for people i can dial up in the most uncompromising times, i always end up being hesitant. they might be sleeping already, they might be busy, they might not have time for me, or they probably wouldn't be interested enough with what i have to say.

sometimes, even with the number of friends i have, at the end of day i couldn't find someone whom i could run to without notice. i feel like such a loner. if there is just one person whom i could text about anything, talk about anything, call at any hour, drag anywhere spontaneously, listen to me rant and rave, and visit home short-noticed... i could bear to lose everything else. kidding. but, point taken? just one person. it doesn't have to be a guy for gawdsake, but since i already sound like someone yearning for such... k, fine. whatever you give me, Lord.

i don't easily open up. there has to be a certain level of trust i feel with any close friend of mine before i totally spill. and not just that, it has to be mutual. i so miss the people in UPLB i'm literally in tears now. they're like the last people i've ever had sensible talks with. we're equally free and our brains jive. i get so much sense and affirmation talking to them. when will i ever get these kind of people back? my housemates, kat and july. i fucking miss you all, i'm crying while typing this. i need you. uhhh, for the reason that i haven't been into an intellectually stimulating conversation lately. and also for the reason that you're one of the best listeners i know. >:(

hey you know what, i like psychologists. they're equally sensible and you'll learn alot about yourself. it would be great to have a psychologist friend whom i can run to to psychoanalyze my problems. fuckyeah, last resort. LOL which reminds me, i actually have one. >XD

i want to take this chance to thank my bestfriend for allowing me to barge in their house at 10pm. and even though i wasn't able to really spill, cos errrr you knoooow, it's really heartwarming that she responded to my call (err tweet, actually) and reminded me that afterall, there's still someone willing to listen. that's what i needed, assurance of interest. i wouldn't turn to someone who doesn't care, even if i want to. hehe

it's 3am. i had carbonara and coffee crumble ice cream for dinner. i can't sleep. but i will. good mornight.

i make my own issues

i'm close to proclaiming facebook as the spawn of the devil. or part of the illuminati or some new world order cult. i mean, lady gaga is one, so facebook is most probably its minion, including google. and they're taking over the world. what if, everything that's going mainstream is involved in this whole NWO conspiracy? how about Justin Bieber (i never liked him but he's all over the place)? uhm, and Glee? apparently, media is "the" tool. everything the NWO people endorses includes subliminal messages and patterns that hypnotize us into patronizing it with such fervor, all to the point of worship.

Lord, i may be paranoid but the implications are alarming. we are violating your commandments by being swayed by these "idols".

dear Lord, thank you, because today, I RECEIVED MY SALAREEEEH!!! >XD >XD okaaaay, it's not too big, but it's accumulating. it's quite a miracle that i was able to cut down on expenses lately, no new items. i usually just buy what's running out in my bathroom. and not that i'm a spendthrift either, my friend actually noticed that i'm kinda thrifty. my rule is: you can cut down on anything, just don't starve yourself.

oh yeah, i have an exception... i'm impulsive when it comes to ballpens. hehe so there, food and uhm, ballpens. haha

today was great! had lunch at Mang Inasal with chamel, saycee, raph, yannah and neil. came for the UNLI RICE shempre. BWAHAHAHA we had a contest among ourselves, he/she who eats the most rice shall get errr, an imaginary prize. Raph did! CONGRATS!  tsk, neil and i were 1 rice short! sayaaang LOL

after lunch, came back to school extremely bloated and light headed. i wanted to sleep already, but we still had to play. anyway... we didn't, we just talked it over with our group, and then allowed some of our groupmates to play kunyari, but we already settled our grades HAHA tamad much.

i'm sleepy. goodnight! >:)

PS: i have a feeling that he doesn't care about me anymore, maybe because he noticed that i do too. errr kindof. at least he got what i meant... uhm, and responded correctly...in the way i want him to. facebook will be my eye, and no matter how much i'm wallowing in my masochistic tendencies of annoying myself everytime i jump into his profile, i'll continue to do so HAHA because, uhmm, because much as i hate to admit it, i still care. a bit. a tiny bit. or maybe i don't. i'm just curious. sounds better. you know the quoted line "i never stopped loving you, i only stopped showing it"...? that perfectly fits my case, before... like a month back HAHA but now it's just, hmmmm, "i don't care." haha

i'll get over you soon. promise. >:)
over over na pagka-crush ito!

feel good music >:)

slept at 8, woke up unwillingly at 2. now i can't get my sleep back. which is why i opted to have an early breakfast, bread and coffee. then i realized something funky on the bread, which is molds, so now i only have coffee, uhm, and internet. 

btw, you don't know how much courage it took me to fetch this friggin laptop from the basement. there were two cockroaches on the stairs, one dead and one alarmingly alive with its antennas waving like crazy, who knows if it flies? gaaaaawd. i'm deathly afraid of cockroaches, flying at worst. uhhhhh, generally speaking i hate bugs (for the majority of the world, who doesn't?!).

errr. i'm bored. i'm not sleepy. i wish the water's back. i wanna take a bath already. T_T;


a fine frenzy

it reminds me of 500 days of summer!

ok. i haven't started doing my homeworkS, but i'll get there soon. just let me list the 3 things i'm saving my salary for:

1. digicam
2. TV for my room
3. dvd player

that's all, thank you. 25k max. donate? SHOR >:) when the hell am i going to save that much? ayoko mag-compute! but i want them before october >:)

wala lang, i cleaned my room awhile ago and i find that it's still pretty empty so i thought a TV would do, HAHAHA

PS: i want a typography layout. hmmm, will work on it soon. >:)


i never actually thought i was helping enough, but thank you for appreciating my efforts. >:) the hardest thing i did was type, so it doesn't really feel like i did a lot already. yeah, i made a proposal letter, created an ending for one play, wrote stuff but those only took me less than an hour each, and re-typing the 2 plays took me 5++ hours (including facebook breaks) so that's more effort on my part hahaha

i have a problem. i'm forgetting the things i'm supposed to do. O_O and i'm writing this in hopes of stumbling upon them, one way or another. yeah, through facebook... or just by constantly thinking about it. i just don't fucking remember my homeworks. haaay k, time to bring back my jotterpad. @_@;

lakas maka-haggard ng inet grabe. this day was all about work, AS IN. worked in the morning, bummed around a bit during the afternoon and helped ludrick with whatever, then attended a seminar for SA's.

it's an understatement to call myself busy cos whenever i get home, i drop everything on the bed and sleep. and even with the things i do, somehow i still find myself unoccupied.

the seminar was fun but it took too long. it was supposed to end at 530 but we were dismissed at 8pm. wew huh? good thing daddy waited for me. thank you! love you daddy! happy happy anniv!

speaking of my parent's anniv, i'm listing three things that make their relationship special... or weird. whatever suits you.

1. my mom is 7 years older than my dad
2. they only dated for 3 months then decided to get wed already. and i mean they only knew each other for 3 freaking months. when they were introduced, they started dating already, reto-reto kasi e.
3. my dad didn't have ex-girlfriends. in short, my mom was his first and last. for a guy, that's unbelievable. well, my mom had 4, making daddy his 5th and last. haha

i was surprised at number 2, but i gathered the real reason behind it was that my mom was already getting old. she was 30 then and my dad, 23. if you were at my mom's shoes you'd be in a manic obsession to get wed, or engaged, at least. lol i was exaggerating, she wasn't desperate, but she knew she was lagging behind. HAHA

it's a real blessing that their relationship worked out perfectly. i mean, who would've thought 3 months of dating would turn into 22 years of marriage? quite a miracle, if you ask me. thank you Lord for my parents! >:D

and then it happened

i'm learning to hate you because of your ways. and i can't do anything but observe and cringe, read and roll my eyes, and wonder and curl in disgust. i'm too old for this. i definitely am, but somehow i want to tolerate my childishness in this aspect of my life, cos seriously, i never knew better. someone's gotta show me what to do, cos i'm an idiot when it comes to this.

i feel especially old when i reminisce a lot. you see, memories are for the old. errrr, memories are for those who actually have a good one at least. HAHA errrrrrr....?

i'm trying to work hard for LMA, it's the least i can do being part of this particular production. being script-editor, i realized, was actually a very small job. so i'm doing my best to help out on other things. cos it bums me that i've already done my part and won't be doing anything else. nakakahiya kaya. everyone's working hard and since i'm pretty much done with 80% of my job, i thought i should help out. in any way i could. ang bait ko ba? oh, the remaining 20% goes to cast selection.

it flatters me that they liked my shirt design. too bad it's exclusive for FCLC members only >:( and wait, most of our new members today signed up because of the shirt. i don't think it's a good idea to make the shirt exclusive. i want my design to be seen everywhere. >:( grrrr

uhmm... hmmm... back to the first paragraph. i'm starting to hate the guy, really. i realized i can't tolerate his ways. best way to deal with this, i gathered using my utterly and unreliably inexperienced emotional psyche, is to minimize any form of contact with him. like, why the hell? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. what do you suppose i do to push him out of my friggin encephalon? not that i think of him a lot, but whenever i do, i get irritated to the core. whenever he breezes my mind, i never recall the good days. all i remember is me looking at my fool-est, and him fooling around 24/7. not a good memory. errrrr

ugggh, jealousy saps out my virtues.


sakay agad?!

can't you have any more class than that? and to think i fell in love with someone like you makes it even more unbearable. 

i don't like the weather. bad memories creeping in. last time i lit a cigarette was not even a year back, and now the fucking rain and cold make me want to grab one. 

cafe firenzo

here for the wifi, not for the coffee. nothing beats BLENZ still. they serve the best frappes, the fastest wifi connection and offer the most comfortable seats (each with an electric outlet). it's just too unfortunate that the nearest to my place is at SM megamall. and because i have to embark on a brushes/fonts downloading spree to prepare me for tonight's bloody design agenda, i tried SM north. so far, the SM wifi here is fail but i'll get by hopefully. haaaay

so much to do tonight. i need more caffeine! >__<;



he raised his hand for a handshake, "Hi, ako nga pala si *insert firstname, middle initial, lastname.*" i took his hand, looking oddly at him, "Yan."

pota ang weird. 

but i remember him, he was wearing glasses in his ID picture, i saw it, i noticed it. why am i such a sucker for bespectacled guys?! he isn't even wearing one now. second time i mentioned him in this blog. third actually. hohoho

asdouyvqwrevqwr7qnpad CALCULUS and PE are my biggest problems. @_@

ayoko na, ayoko na talaga grrrrrrr

Lord, i did ask you to show me the right man after i graduate, but it doesn't mean i have to bank on the wrong guys right now. Lord, penge na kasing boypren. HAHAHA e kasi po naiinggit ako sa kanila. sila may love life ako wala! puro ilusyon! puro asa! puro crush!!! >:P Lord ah? thank you. he may not be the right guy for me now, but as long as he came from you, i know it's gonna work out. >:) chosssss!!! i'm not even serious but who cares? i'm not playing either... i just need someone. yun lang. Lord, you should know better, what do you think i need?! damn hormones.

earlier, i took back my exam at distruc cos i was so bothered with my score. i was confident pa naman that i'll get a high grade but it turns out i got two mistakes, 7 fucking points each. it wasn't even a mistake... it was, i dunno. i'm still trying to look for an excuse HAHA and with that, i was set at second place by 3 fucking points by none other than.... you know who. the smart little guy who wears glasses. ♥ okay lang, okay lang talaga, lalo ko syang naging crush. haha good competition. grrrr -__-; haaaay di nga...

woooh! i got 32/35 on sir MARIBAY'S quiz. yaaaak pero accomplishment yan. and i have to get straight A's from him from now on to compensate for my low quizzes. nakakaiyak. ayoko na. huhuhu

sorry sorry sorry

so there's this guy who constantly gives me BVs because of his, uhm, arrogance. he's a good friend and i admire him for his visions, missions, goals and objectives (VMGO lol) in life, though at times they sound impossible. he's a pretty smart guy, and probably a sensible one had i not been too prejudiced in psychoanalyzing him. thing is, most of the time i can't ride with his jokes, he either sounded too overbearing/proud OR i was too busy buffering. i'm sure if he was more serious, i'd love talking to him. and he writes well. kind of, well he can write. i mean, write grammatically correct sentences. wth does this have to do with this issue? yeah, but his arrogance is getting in the waaaaay. aksdgaruukblala

anyway, i kinda snubbed him at the library awhile ago cos i was too busy. nyahaha i felt guilty afterwards. so i thought i should make it up to him... by sounding like i don't hate him or something... on facebook. HAHAHA oryt, thanks Lord. feels like we're fine now.

i'm chatting with my best friend a few minutes ago, and discovered yet another thing about him. he likes helpless girls. i wonder if most guys have that kind of complex, hmmmm, let's call it the superhero complex bwahaha. self-explanatory, so you get it right? guys who like saving girls from the brink of nothingness or whatever it is that made them look in distress. i know now, they like damsels in distress!!!! no offense, but i haaaaaate damsels in distress. girls who look like they always need helping, FROM A MAN, on top of that.

yeah, i'm too ma-pride to appreciate unsolicited help that's why.
but occasionally i give em the benefit of the doubt. just to make sure i'm not stepping on a man's ego.


from now on, i'm going to try to write properly. like, chronologically and without bullets. 

so how was this day? it started out fine, got to work, and did an extra hour to compensate for my absence last saturday. lunch hit, ate with saycee and chamel then went in line at the cashier to pay for my tuition. my parents gave me 9.5k because that's what it says in my COR, but when the cashier checked it, i only have to pay 7.something thousand for both midterm and finals! whoa. yeah, i didn't notice that my COR says NET PAY = 7.something K hehehe. so my entire tuition is around 13K only. YEY i thought it was 19K, even with the discount. bwahahaha

after that, i tried on some LMA shirts to get my size. i don't actually want to buy any org shirt but CBS announced that they will be strictly implementing a no-org shirt no-entry policy during wash days. errrrrrr. and because i think LMA has the neatest design among all the orgs, i'm buying one. i'm not even a member but wth. i doesn't trip my guilt that i'm not buying the ICON org shirt instead (where i'm a member). sorry Wil. >:( LOL but that's just half the reason why i bought the shirt. HAHA

FCLC, short for Fernian Chronicles Literary Circle (school newsletter org), which i'm legitimately part of, will also be releasing a shirt, which i'm required to buy. so that means i'm gonna have 2 org shirts for this sem. meg asked jerome and i to design for it... and i'm excited. >8D hahaha

i came home and saw that Payoneer has sent my debit card already! it's the account where all my earnings from odesk.com will be credited. actually, i haven't started taking projects yet. but once i get enough time (and a fast internet connection), i'll work on it. it's pretty exciting, getting paid to write!!!! yeaaah, and that card will be my inspiration. >XD

alright, time to study. 



JM posted on my wall. @_@ that kinda made my day. no, it actually made my entire uhhmm 2 days! i dunno, he's too cool. we're getting closer i guess and it feels awkward. and i think it's because i still have a crush on him so err, how do i explain this? i panic inwardly when my crushes are near, so... yeah. he.he.he. i could remember how cold i turn when he's within 10 meters and my friends are teasing me. i swear i could freeze those jerks to death.

who would've thought diba? who would've fucking thought.

communication. part of why i don't see my majorcrushes as future boyfriends is that i cannot freely communicate with them. you need that right? someone you can pour yourself at with all freedom, without restrictions, someone who's comfortable to be with. even at your worst. even in silence. i don't feel that way with my majorcrushes, unless the feelings i have for them have died and were replaced with a brewing friendship. yeah that's a different story. but reallllyyyy now, can you imagine me with someone i terribly have a crush on? i don't. it has to be rooted at something else, like friendship! then you'll hear me complaining about not wanting to risk the friendship for something as uncertain as relationships. i don't know. my mind is a mess when it comes to things like this. i thought i was mature enough to handle these thoughts. then i think maybe love isn't supposed to be thought over. it just happens. how i wish i could be my own cupid.

Lord, give me a lovelife? i seriously don't have one. i'm at the right age i guess... to fall in love. ah right. i already did. let's rephrase that. Lord, it's high time for me to fall in love AGAIN. the hormones are kicking in. i don't wanna disappoint them, cos when they hibernate, my life will become extremely dragging and i might never consider looking at the male species again. what a bore.

ok, just give me a good book to read? the 500 people you meet in hell by jessica zafra, please? it's missing in the library! can't afford to buy books right now i'm kinda broke. >_<

btw, i just learned that mr. tony stark is our country's former national treasurer! wooow, and i dined with him. i feel honored. and i thought he was just a mere investment executive. srsly, i've never met someone as gentlemanly as he is. he's just too... TONY STARK. haha fits him perfectly.

haha Lord, give me a sign. nyahaha

then and now

first pic was during my first (or second?) piano recital at UP abelardo hall, i was grade 2 (or grade 3?) hehe i don't remember. next pic was JUST A PHOTO OP at Makati Shang during my mom's awarding.

note that i don't play that much anymore. i missed playing the piano, seriously. haaaaay

MIDTERMS coming up! whew!

commitment phobia

i thought i'm just afraid of getting into a relationship. but i realized, any form of attachment scares me as well. i don't just accept responsibilities as they are. it's the fear of screwing up that's screwing me today. you know what, sometimes i feel like i can live on my own, without my parent's support, and not bail out on life. 3 years of independence, and a growing work experience are the things that influenced me into thinking this way. i can get a job, rent a room, and live.... simply, of course, but independently.

blah blah blah blaaaaaaahhhh

on waiting: if you decide to wait for someone, make sure you're at the right station. one where he'll surely pass by. HAHA and if ever you get lost, there'll always be someone to help you get back on your tracks. but it's double the effort nga lang. awww. yung kunduktor siguro. wawa naman.

jsadgtyiuytsdv a b;tiuobio

yey! i finally received my dean's list certificate! the admin prepared a lot for this tri's awarding because the FEU president, Ms. Echauz, graced the event and delivered a very very inspiring speech about hard work and the importance of education. i like her so much! she also shared the top 3 weaknesses of fresh grads when it comes to employment. it came from a survey answered by different employers... the findings were: 1) poor english communication skills 2) poor initiative 3) poor analytical skills. that was so helpful. i'll go work on those 3 lol.

okokokok. i hate you facebook. wala akong natatapos dahil sayo. grrr

-- so yesterday, i excused myself from work to attend my mom's awarding at makati shang. i commuted from home and had only ice breaker for lunch. oh, i also went down at the wrong mrt station -- buendia -- supposed to be ayala haha. they were both undergound, so i got confused. i wasn't listening to the prompt, plus i was too busy covering my nonexistent cleavage. apparently i forgot i was gonna commute, and wore a sleeveless, plunging black top. hehe

-- i arrived at room 2204 looking extremely haggard. then i had to dress up quickly cos my mom was already dressed. nyahehehe blah blah blah blah

-- DINNER: gaaawd my favorite part. i promised to enjoy that night because terai and daddy will be the ones consuming the complimentary breakfasts the next day (na eat-all-you-can HUHUHU). so dapat, kakain ako ng madami! oh my gawd, i thought the appetizer was already the main dish. anyway, a company executive was present at our table and we both noticed how delicious the food was (walang kamatayang shrimp and smoked salmon salad. i get this every time i'm on a fine-dinning treat) and that it was lacking sparkling white wine. haha my mom enjoyed the food too!

-- pero kasi ganito yan. there was a vacant seat beside me tapos nilagyan din ng food nung waiter. so i was practically lusting over the plate next to me. i wish i could eat it too! hayok sa appetizer ampota! eh wala namang uupo dun eh! HAHA i mentioned it to my mom, gusto rin nya. you know what happened? i noticed mr. executive whispering something to the waiter, then pointing to me. WTF. then it happened, the waiter took my empty plate and replaced it with the plate i was lusting after. mr excutive (who looked like Tony Stark from Iron Man) probably read through my patay gutom manners. NAKAKAHIYA. so i thought, i couldn't eat this. sobrang nakakahiya. so i texted my dad to hurry up! sa kanya na lang yon! sunod sya sa hall,  para sya na dun sa vacant seat. haha

-- then mr. tony stark probably noticed i wasn't eating my "favorite" dish  so she called the waiter AGAIN (shoot me now please), and whispered something. next thing i know, the waiter gave me a new fork and knife to replace the one i used and was taken earlier. ayoko na. mamamatay na ko sa hiya. i turned to tony stark and said, "naku sir, nakakahiya naman senyo." and he said, "no no no, i can afford it."

--- what the fuuuuuuucccck.

-- okokokokok. tapos tapos tapos. after so many photo ops. tapos na. tulog na ko! i woke up 5am, took a bath, dressed up, then waaaaaaalked a fucking mile to the mrt station. then i took the fx to fcm, nakasabay ko pa si sir lloyd akalain mo. HAHA uwi muna sa bahay... tulog ng onti... woke up 15 minutes before 8! e may work ako ng 8, the fuuuuuck. pero oks naman.

-- school. HAHAHA crush ko na yata sya ulit. crush laaaang. hehe

-- haha pero majorcrush ko na yata yung anak ng coleague ni mama na nagttrabaho na ngayon, at aspiring MDRT. yan ang my future! hay ewan.

nyay akala ko wala na >XD

-- i have never felt this special, as a friend. after an hour on the phone she said it's okay if she loses all her friends, as long as she has me. awww nakakatouch. i couldn't possibly say the same cos i never looked into the possibility of losing all my friends (and i never would), but she's someone i treasure so much. this sounds awfully lesbo but i'm cheesy like that. lol

-- HAHAHA. my friend kinda almost spilled something about JM. something that got me eternally twitterpated that night. the two of them exchanging gestures sometimes, i usually ignore them, but now that i knew it has something to do with me... what am i supposed to think? what could they possibly secretly talk about that involves me? fishy ito mga bro. and i have a drumming sense that i'm not gonna like it. now she's begging me to stop asking about it cos she might not be able to hold their freaking secret intact. she has to confirm it pa daw. confirm what? ok. i'll stop asking, fine. but i'm dead curious. eh si JM yun eh. ok. i'm curious. but no other feelings involved. is curiosity a feeling? hindi ko na sya crush. 

--nakakapressure minsan. there are expectations i need to meet, deadlines i have to avoid screwing with, and standards i must surpass. all the in the intent of keeping my 'smart' image intact. i myself have put my brain to the test. i can't keep committing mistakes, even small ones. i can't have low quizzes. i can't have a midterm standing below 3.0 but CALCULUS IS SUCH A BITCH, and P.E. IS A FUCKER. i have to keep learning, keep studying and KEEP READING. i can't fail these people but the problem is, they expect too much. huhuhu nakakahiya magkamali. 

-- the tables have turned entirely diba? i wasn't like this before. sure i felt bad for having a passing average of 1 out of 10 exams right when i studied so hard for them. but eventually i got used it it. and the people around me made me feel it's normal HAHA so carry lang. yun nga lang, hindi na nadala! but right now it's different. AYOKO NA BUMAGSAK. i know it's okay to fail, but i've had so much of that. i deserve this break. nobody believed i was smart until i entered this university. 

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