this is so uncool

5 pages in FILIPINO made my nose frakking bleeeeed.  i just finished 3 chapters of our term paper in Filipino. wtf, such a hassle. i'm sleeeeeeepy.

btw. does it happen to you? that your dreams come true? literally! there are a lot of times when something happens and it feels too familiar like a dejavu, and then i'd realized that i've dreamt of it that's why it's freakily weird when it happened. it happened twice this day, when i was talking to jen at the cr at school. and when i read umpe's text message. there are many more from before, but i couldn't remember...

anyway. sometimes i try getting ahead of it. like when i realized the dream-coming-true too early, i try to predict what's gonna happen next based on what i can recall from my dream. unfortunately, i've never had a successful attempt. the situation changes once i try to get hold of it.

anyway i feel groggy. i don't understand what i've just written.



aynako! excited ako gawin yung VB project namin yun pala, may kelangan unahin! FILIPINO! grrrrr
i have every right to stay up aaaaaall night kasi babawi ako sa tulog tomorrow afternoon, unless my friends come over for our other projects haaaaay. ewan.

wow. he's talking to me na! when will i ever get over the pettiest things? @_@

BESTFRIEND! miss na kita! may kasalanan ako sayo! >:(((((((


forgive me, for i am going to sound like Rebecca Bloomwood right under the cut. >:(

i stepped out of the coffee shop pretty pleased with myself after downloading 3 OSTs of Bleach, getting lots of sources for my two term papers, and overdosing on caffeine and cookies! then you know, i came down and checked TBS, i wanted to buy another bottle of white musk, it's just that it's too expensive for me right now. but guess what? THEY'RE ON SALE!!! i never realized it until the sales lady came to me and said that the perfume i'm holding is on BUY 1 TAKE 1. @_@ it's probably the happiest moment of my shopping life, seeing my most wanted vanity item ON SALE and best of all, on a buy 1 take 1 promo. i mean, what the shrek? are they phasing it out soon? my mistake though, was that i got myself lured into buying another item, a lip and cheek tint. i don't even know why, but it's also on sale. it's usually 800, now it's 500. i can't believe it, so i bought it. i don't know how, but the sales lady led me to the vanity station and tried the item on my face. i thought i looked good with that freakin tint on. and so i took it. they're evil, you know, their mirrors make you look better than you were if you looked in your bathroom and they put their best conditioned items as testers. haaay. and with one swipe, i lost my entire half-month salary. Lord, what's up with me? i don't think i'm that vain. and i'm not an impulsive buyer too. i don't really buy when i see it, i buy when i need it. i mean, i'm running low on these items. i'm so in a valid mood to purchase, it's just that both of them ran out at the same time, so that's double the cost. it's not like i didn't plan it. naman, defensive.

haha! and i'm entitled 50 pesos rebate because of that purchase. LOL big deal?

on coffee high

feasting on cookies and mochachillo. i did tell you i'm going to research right? i'm done! halfway! bwahaha but i was kinda distracted with these make money online ads i've accross while browsing. so i'm trying ClixSense and NeoBux. basically, they pay users for clicking sponsored ads. >:) sounds cool. hahaha ano ba. i've always wanted to make money online, i'm just not properly mentored. hahaha

my gusto akong bilhin asdfghjhgfdsa. @_@

ETA: i was curious about justin beiber so i searched him up on youtube. my god, he looks disturbingly lesbian, and he sounds too female. aaron carter wasn't like that, and sam concepcion too. hehe

can't hear ya!

too much water in my head. @_@ awhile was great! too many kiddos! i remember i wanted to become a sunday school teacher but yadda, yadda, yadda, didn't happen obviously. 

anyway, summer plans? nothing! GYM. driving school for sure?. or some cheap house party with BTS, plus whoever calls. not really up for expensive trips since i'm kinda broke. look, i'll be losing 3 days worth of sweldo because of holy week and my highschool neighbors are done with school so no more free morning rides. haaaay pera. and i only started earning for myself this march cos i dedicated my entire feb money for someone. >:) man, i want a hair relaaaax. @_@ i'm out of perfume too. and blush on LOL.

i hereby declare tomorrow as my research day. i'll probably be at blenz. this makes me guilty cos i'm really just up for the coffee but i freakin need an entire day just for research cos the net here has gone slower than ever! =____=;;


bakit parang may alam kang hindi ko alam? bakit? anong alam mo? anong sinabi nya sayo? i'm letting go because i don't think i can trust him. i've cried enough! STAPET. i don't even talk about it anymore, but people keep bringing it up. chaka na yan, pwede? >:))))))


everything worth waiting is worth having

but sometimes, it's also worth leaving. people say, whenever you think of giving up, think of the reason/s why you're still holding on. then again, that's only one side of the coin, why not also think of the reason/s why you thought of giving up? surely, it's big enough to consider since it was able to shake your resolve. >:P

// i kinda want to sleep early because i want to do a lot tomorrow, like go to the gym! people say i'm getting fatter @_@ that's what i need summer for!

// fortunately, i didn't see JM this day. maybe God is hiding him from me because i already got too much yesterday. and besides! how will i greet him if we see each other by? HE-HE-HELLOOOO? i spent the rest of my break at the canteen because i knew he'll be at the library at that time, reading the newspaper. not that i'm trying to avoid him, i just don't know how to react... naturally.

// i figured this will be much easier if none of my friends knew. e i want to share my happiness e! bakit ba?!

sige, goooood night! >:D


bwahahaha! headache still isn't gone but i'm very very happy because of 2 things! (then later on i'll tell you the sad bits)

#1) i was depressed the whole night yesterday because i couldn't find my drawing notebook in my bag. that notebook contains 4 of my most precious artworks, 2 of which are unscanned and LOOOOT of doodles that contains heavy cheesyness and mild swearing. something i wouldn't want others to read. anyway, i found it at the library. it seemed that i left it when i was on duty. yey! >8D that alone made my day. >8D

#2) when i first saw it, i knew i was attracted to it and i mentally vowed to get it someday. well, today is that day. my sister bought me another drawing journal! BWAHAHAHA i'm never gonna run out of paper to draw on! plus it's more compact since it's smaller. it's also bloody red so i'm loving every part of it. i don't think it's cheap though. it's worth 248, kinda like a moleskine with the garter but at least, it's not moleskine. you see, my 2009 moleskine planner is a big failure! i sorta promised to write on every page, every day but i wasn't able to do so hahaha dahil dyan, i don't believe in daily planners anymore. monthly, sure! since all i have to do is put X marks every day. no effort. di ko alam kung ano ggawin ko sa moleskin na yon. pamigay ko na lang kaya? sayang ba? hmm...

yun lang. masaya na ko!

haaay dyusko, ang kulit ni blandy. ayoko pa naman ng hinuhuli kasi hindi ako makatakas. !@#$%^&*()

one day, nasa lib ako katabi ko si chamel. tapos biglang pumasok si JM at umupo two tables away from us, pero kaharap ko. O_O; hindi ko mapigilan ngumiti. at dahil muka na kong tanga, nakababa na nga yung ulo ko sa lamesa e... umalis ako sa lib. hindi ko kaya. nakangiti na ko forever. haaay majorcrush. naalala ko, gantong ganto rin ako kay leopardo. at least friends kami! wahaha!

craving for: regular pearl milk tea with extra pearls from zagu, beef chowfan sa chowking at siomai from master siomai. gutom na kooooo.

pahinging ketchup pleaase?? @___@;

there is so much i wish you knew but i will never tell you

// something i hate about myself... i hardly make things happen. so i'm not the right person to talk to if you want something planned out like an outing or any event. i'm too lazy for that. and unless i'm working on a deadline of for money, i keep on forgetting things.

// favors are piling up on my desk, projects, homeworks and stuff i'm not being compensated for. and i fucking hate it that they just throw it at me like i'm a fucking homework generator. i was looking forward to reading Dear John tonight and sleeping early, but i get it that i'm not getting any of those today. grrrrr

i wish i were less lenient.

// she got it all wrong. she insists there's something but i bet my entire life there isn't. it saddens me because no matter how it looks alright on the surface, deep down it really isn't. two good things doesn't always remain good when put together.

summer. i want summer to happen already because i wanna get rid of these feelings so bad. >:(
it's going to be detrimental to my sense of focus. Lord, it's too early. can't it be after two years? here you are, giving me a chance, but you know i can't take it. thank you for my first heartbreak. T__T;

summer, please!!!!


how do you get over the pain of a first love?
the weight of rejection, the unsolicited tears
how do you cope with a withering heart?
a plague that builds a tower of fears

sister on call

the moment i read her text message i knew something was wrong, so i called her immediately and wasn't surprised to hear her crying on the other line. for a minute i told her to hush and wait for me at the gym. i rushed, yes, but i wasn't worried because i knew her problem was the same old problem she rants and raves about every single day. work.

i arrived at the gym after around 20 minutes, and i found her seated on the floor, locked in a cubicle at the CR. she spent the entire time waiting for me in that small cramped space, crying helplessly like a kid. i don't mean to sound indifferent, but seeing her in that state didn't make me feel sympathetic or anything. i just wanted to take her home, asap.

so i gathered her up, and forced her to tidy herself up before talking to me. she looked freaking wasted, her hair in disarray and her eyes swollen. i can't stand being with her in that state. i tell her to shut up every time she tries to speak while dressing up. i understand her anxiousness to vent her anger (i knew she was angry, she has always been), but first things first, i need her to change her clothes. i'm not being strict, it helps... you know, looking decent even when you're angry, feeling clean and all. it's one thing to make yourself look like your anger isn't consuming you. and besides, the gym is closing so she has to pack up already.

then i listen. again, i listen to everything. the saaaaame old things. her work. her position. the customers. the rude senior citizens. the metrobank cardholders. the apathetic service crews. she has a tendency to talk really harsh about them, like she wants them all dead, and it makes my heart feel heavy, like i'm one big shock absorber. i let her rant for more than an hour, while walking, while eating, while commuting home. it's her way of letting things out. so i let her be. after aaaaall the talking, she asked me, "anong gagawin ko?" 

sometimes i wonder, if someday i'll meet someone whom i can call and be there for me in an instant... like, personally! then again, da hu? and in the first place, i'm not someone who likes calling people up to be with me. i don't want to be such a hassle to my friends. i've kinda learned to solve things on my own, so i only kinda need my friends to listen when i want to share something personal, but that hardly ever happens either. most of the time kasi, i just blog about it. well, if i'm in a super problematic situation, i turn to the nearest person who could help me. natural lang naman diba?

some things i've learned about myself: i'm not needy, i'm independent, and i'm more concerned with taking care of the people i love, than being taken care of. my golly, that sounded selfless of me, but i'm really more selfish than that. uhhh, i think that's what you get when you're forced to act like the older sister. and about taking care than being taken care of.... actually, i do want to be taken care of din! i want to feel that somehow, someone aside from my family is concerned about me. kaso minsan i feel like i always end up more concerned with the person who's concerned about me. chaka ako rin naman, i hate looking like a damsel in distress or an idiot who always needs helping.

haaaay terai, kung di lang kita mahal.

osige na, this is getting long.

BWAHAHAHAHA i bought 9 news pens! hohohoho, bumili ulit ako nung isang set ng Love Pet gel pens e kasi di ko mapigilan, tapos SOOOOON! may bibilihin akong pang-drawing notebook! ung pageone na red kasi parang moleskine >:D >:D >:D excited ako!

btw, fulfilled ako kanina because i ate wasabi popcorn at tatlong isaw. >8D chka pearl milk tea with extra pearls sa zagu. chka siomai. yehey >:D

right-brained or left-brained? brain dominance test >:D

here's a really cool brain dominance test i saw earlier at plaridel's blog! >:D all you have to do is look at the image above and tell whether the girl is turning clockwise or counter-clockwise. i'm not sure if blogger supports .gif, but i do hope the image is moving >:]

if it's not moving, just refer to this entry:

if you see it moving clockwise, you're right-brained; otherwise, left. 

anyways. i've taken brain dominance tests before and i'm always right-brained. they say right-brained people are more intuitive than analytical. left-brained people however, speaks otherwise. right-brained people are more logical and organized and so on... the list goes on... maybe you can check this out:

but you see, even though for the most part i think i'm more right-brained, i'd like to think that i'm also left-brained at times. see, i can make the image move from clockwise to counter-clockwise and vice versa which is the funnest thing i've learned today! and also something i think i could benefit from! >:D

it was hard trying to switch brain-sides at first! when i first saw the picture, it's definitely clockwise. i even thought the image is just a joke until i asked my dad and got an opposite answer. then i read the comments and discovered that it's possible to make the girl turn the other way around. so i tried staring at a different part of the screen, with the image still on view and imagined it moving counter-clockwise. i was also drawing counter-clockwise circles with my finger to help me out. and it freaking did. the image turned counter-clockwise as my mind ordered. and when it did, it doesn't change! it took me another minute to switch my brain-side and see the girl turning clockwise as it is orginally (i mean, when i first saw it. it may vary)

and noooow, the more i try switching it. the faster the switch becomes! LOL and if that is of any significance, maybe while studying, i'll look at this image and switch to left-brain. if i need my creative juices flowing, i'll switch to right-brain. it could help. haha! but i'm still more right-brained, because i always switch to it unconsciously... a couple of minutes ago i left the picture moving counter-clockwise... i just went to the bathroom and when i came back, it's back to clockwise. lol


bwahaha! i was able to raise my midterm grade from 87.something to 90 because i searched my exam for corrections awhile ago. as in, i personally came to him to inquire about my code simply because i think there were no errors and that it deserved a perfect score. he gave me +10, still 10 points short of the perfect score for that part of the exam, but still! ok na yun! i could've bargained for a full score but he insisted that the others have the exact same code. oh well, they copied, and i let them. cost me 10 freaking points. ok lang. at least that's a 3.00. there's still room to make it higher though by experience, my final grades tend to move a step lower from the midterms. whew. more effort. aja! >:D

btw. my mom gave me her quantum pendant because i was sick. well, i felt sicker. @_@ sige, good night!


while waiting for 1pm ...

i don't know how i ended up sick, but i'm sick anyways and it frakking sucks... and to add up to the mounting reasons for depression i'm having today, i got a really low midterm grade at 4GL. 87.something. yes, that's a biggie. especially if i'm struggling for scholarship. what the hell is happening to me. highest in our class is 89... i guess.

it rained awhile ago! it was even foggy @_@ ang weird talaga. whether that was a result of cloud seeding (artificial rain) or a real natural phenomenon, i couldn't care less. point is, it rained. >:D thank you Lord!
you know what. one of the things i'm excited for, is getting over my first love. yeah, like it's some sort of a tragedy awaiting to be written. that's what i wanna do about it, write. make poems, create a story. just let it aaaaall out... well, when it's over. and i promised not to tell anyone about it. no one  will know who he is until i get a boyfriend. he, at least, won't. wahaha! it's one big love story. most probably a sad one, but that's why i wanna write about when i'm happy, so that everything i've written will be accounted to my memories, to the past. >:)

same stuff from last year! >:D


10. i miss you so much, hope we could hang out sometime! >:(
9. i need my dress back. pleaaaase? >:(
8. i miss you too! wish we could talk like before. if i could only fly there huuuh
7. i trust you as a friend. but i don't think i can trust you as a boyfriend.
6. why do you keep on denying it? right when i'm so sure about it! >:P you know what, if what you said earlier was true, then you must've known how it felt when i was in your place, doing the exact denials you do!
5. i just want to see you!
4. it sucks that i have to pretend that i'm still super inlike with you, just to cover up something else. second time it happened. :(
3. i wish you'd stop trying to befriend me. you look foolish
2. i think i should get paid for my services! i'm like your personal math tutor and art projects specialist. it gets tiring to ya know!
1. i'm simply not called for it yet. i can't do what you want. sorry.


9. i like drawing/doodling
8. mahilig ako sa mga nakasalamin :D
7. i love reading romance novels
6. i like going out and not spending >:D
5. i love classical music
4. parati akong online, lalo pag gabi
3. i bite my nails
2. di ako marunong magbike. heh loser. pero gusto ko matuto
1. i love swimming! chka tennis cge.


8. be a close friend (muna)
7. be a romantic! haha hopeless ako e bakit ba? yung traditional, flowers, chocolate... pero mas ok kung libro or USB haha basta functional. giiiifts shempre. siomai din. >:P
6. samahan mo ko kung san san. sa LB dude! let's traveeeeeel!
5. matalino!
4. masayaaaa?
3. banana-q. saba con yelo. turon. banana cake. isaw >:P
2. be a gentleman
1. be a Christian, or at least God-fearing. pwede isama sa Church :)


7. him :)
6. 2012
5. summer!
4. may something! (as in april, may, june!) >:P
3. him ulit!
2. isa pang him!
1. future?


6. meet a friendly alien! oo kailangan talaga to mangyari
5. see a UFO! >8D
4. lahat ng naging majorcrush ko, ligawan ako! oha >:)))))
3. win an olympic gold in swimming! or maggrandslam sa lahat ng tennis opens. oha. stupid tlga! di naman ako marunong eh hahaha
2. bungee jump! >8D
1. travel the whooooole world.


5. emo, hiphop
4. mayabang na know-it-all
3. mabisyo. smoking, drinking, cursing...
2. earrings/peircings/tatoo.
1. playboy


4. intelligent at may sense
3. matangkaaaaaaad! (ay hindi rin pala)
2. athletic (kahit basket lang? wag lang sumo)
1. naka-salamin! well, weakness to e. >:P


3. >:)
2. >:))
1. >:|


2. ewan
1. ewan

the first time i fell in love, i cried about it everyday for 1 week. >:P

bonday with terai!

hurrraaaay for my jumpshot! well, there's more but i either looked like i was falling from a cliff or was pushed by some imaginary force from behind. either way, they looked crappy so i'm saving them for multiply sometime this week. hehehe terai doesn't want her jumpshots published but i will... soon. haha

that was at MoA btw. we didn't push through LB cos her meeting took 5 freaking hours! and i waited for around 2 hours at jollibee. which was good cos i was finally able to finish The Choice! grabe maaaaan, sobrang sakit ng dibdib ko! i wanted to cry so bad but i was in a public place and i didn't order anything at jollibee so nakkahiya naman magskandalo don. and i just put on eyeliner, thought it was too early to make a mess of myself. yon.

i missed spending the entire day out with my sister! and although we pretty talked about the same thing, her job and my crushes... what's cool is that err...we're in a different place?. uhh, not really. :P it was a very spontaneous day! MoA was out of the plan, i just thought of sm north, alice in wonderland, taters popcorn and siomai, but she suggested MoA! and we ended up with zagu, siomai, kfc and DQ! aaaaaall her treat! >:D >:D

oha! we were so tired after the jumpshooting haha. aba e ang hirap i-rehearse! timing is really the keeeey! one-two-press-jump! >:D best jumpshoot ever. no one is too heavy for a jumpshot! >:D

hmm... sige tulog na ko! >:D

crush ko parin pala sya after all... well, after i read his poem na mejo magulo pero cool kasi it's about God. >:) sana hindi na sya magyosi. >:(

haaaaaaay. ang sakit cos we can't beeeee. hintay naman kasi no!!!! >:(


i was wondering how people would react to it, but i end up unconscious about it... like i don't care what they think. everything comes naturally, so what is there to suspect? and though i sometimes wonder if we really give that impression, i can't put my finger on it, i have a lot of reasons to doubt. and i think they're enough to conclude there's nothing going on. duh? it's all in your mind folks.
they say scorpios are jealous. freaaaking right. i'm too jealous but i always find a way to contain it. after all, i don't know how to bitch out like most jealous people do. aaah, anyway...

if i could avoid it, i'd never walk alone at mapayapa 3 EVERRR. even in the afternoon. the tricycle driver maaaan. you know kuya 556? or 566? i don't remember but that's the number of his tricycle. he was the one who gave me a free ride the first time, then joked that i didn't pay the second time we met, and this afternoon as i was nearing the terminal, he was waving at me like crazy. i laughed at the sight. it looked so stupid. it also gave me the chills. and he was joking that he'd send me home tomorrow. creepy. buti na lang wala akong pasok bukas... and i only have to worry about (and avoid) him on tuesdays, wednesdays and fridays. fuck that's a lot of days. @_@ my golly. tae, ayoko sumakay sa kanya. ayoko na rin syang makita. sa pinkian na lang ako dadaan. LOL and he looks like one of my classmates. you know B? from the previous post? haynako epal.

alam ko na, i'll learn how to drive then i'll bring a car. >:D sounds good.

maybe it's love, maybe it's something else. either way, it remains a very special feeling. something i've never felt before. something that lingers every single day. whether i'll wait or give up isn't a necessary decision to make, either way, he'll never know. he's not aware how well he breaks my heart.
reading romance novels make me yearn so much. when i read Confessions of a Shopaholic, i wanted my own Luke Brandon. now that i'm reading The Choice, i want my own Travis Parker. of all the leading guys i've read about, Travis Parker has the best character. maybe because of the fact that he's already at the 'settling' stage. you know, looking for a potential wife to a raise a family with.... so he's done with all the play dates and is taking love seriously. yeah, i'll get there... someday. i like it when a man thinks about his future, his wife, kids and job. ♥
someone told me i have to groom myself better, like a girl. comb my hair and wear skirt.
i don't know why i still get those, i think i'm girly enough. @_@ have you seen my vanity kit? i have two blush-ons, a lipgloss, lipstick, mirror, face powder, ointment and a hair clip! and believe it or not, i use them all! hahaha is it my problem if my skin eats them?

but you knooow, i'm getting there! i'm gonna have my hair relaxed and my hair cut short so i don't have to iron it everyday. and maybe i'll wear a skirt next school year. yes, maybe.
ah! and i thought my php midterm exam didn't run! but guess what? our class had a retake awhile ago and i was exempted, along with brian (timing na timing ang absent mo) and erni. sir says we're perfect na daw! yeheeey! 4 out of 6! awesome. just awesome.

RA you're my saviooooor! thank you! >:D
LB this saturday! >:D

everything worth waiting is worth having

but you know it gets really frustrating at times. i feel like i'm lagging too far behind my generation now. whenever my friends talk about it, i just keep wondering to myself. what do i lack to merit some sort of admiration? then i end up not caring, since i wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway. so what if you like me now? if you can still say that after two years, i'd go for you. but at least it's good to know right? everyone needs assurance that despite everything, someone out there likes you for who you are. but friendship is my only freaking gauge, i can't do without it.

i'm supposed to be doing a project right now. haha


grrr. i should remind myself not to put too much effort on design if i'm working under time pressure lest my code gets really messed up. our php midterms awhile ago was... ewan... fail? i'm pretty sure i'll fail that part. maaaan, that was an exam! and i left my usb, which sucked big time cos i have 3 important files in there.. to be passed tomorrow. i should've gone back earlier to get it. sana andun pa bukas. :(( haynako. that was depressing. really, the smallest things depress me now, especially if it's about acads. i actually like it that i'm being super grade conscious.

good news! i got perfect on both of my midterm exams on data structures and rizal. that's good news, yeah. but nothing worth noting for cos data structure was really easy, everyone got a high score. and sorry, but i was really expecting a perfect score. rizal on the other hand made me soooo frakking guilty. you know why. i intentionally left some mistakes but they were overridden by the bonus points and the corrected items, so i got more than a hundred percent for that. what made me sink deeper in my chair was that our prof was so proud and asked the class to clap for me. every clapping hand felt like a sting to my conscience. but then again, everyone was guilty.  most of the class got high scores.

tomorrow will probably be a bad day. i remember being so disoriented the night i was studying english and 4GL, so my exams definitely perished because of that. i'm just waiting for the results. =____=;

terai and i promised each other we'd pay a visit to LB this saturday, but then, if we both get too lazy, we'll probably not push through. but i want to! i wanted to document LB for the last time. visit tita beth, tita imelda, eat janges cheeseburger and choco banana shake, see freedom park and experience HM for the last time. i super miss LB. :(


PS: i was talking with someone awhile ago and couldn't help admiring him, because right after graduation, he landed a well compensating job and is very happy with it. someday i'll be like that, especially with the happy part! wahaha! we weren't able to talk a lot cos he has to prepare for tomorrow, but i felt guilty, not being able to bond with him when were still at the campus, declining coffee treats because it sounded like we're gonna date, and that made me feel awkward. i felt bad having to make excuses just to avoid being alone with him. and the rumors too (why do easily fall for rumors?). ha. ha. ha. ha. i could only imagine if i had accepted the offer... free coffee, and a good friend. i never saw that back then, did i? i was too busy trying to turn him off. >:|

PS2: currently reading, The Choice by Nicholas Sparks. good read so faaaar! nakaka-kilig! ♥

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