Day 14 - Your earliest memory

that would be when i started kindergarten 2. i was 4 i guess. my k2 memories include having 2 close buddies, kelvin and jordan. kelvin was my classroom buddy, we like to tickle each other anlandi lang hahaha we were seatmates kasi. hehe jordan was my after school playmate, we would sneak into the classrooms and stamp ourselves with those star-shaped stamps so when we get home we'd look like bright kids hehe. we also used to play with the monobloc chairs by piling them up and climbing on top of them. i remember one time, jordan fell on one of those and had his forehead stitched. haha no one blamed me of course, i also don't remember how i reacted when he fell. >X| ayun, i have very few memories from kindergarten school. that's all i have. >:D

argh Wall-E >:''''(((( nakakiyaaaakk huhu

this afternoon, i did that err one step to reconciliation. i apologized. i know i couldn't do it personally cos i'm such a cow and on top of that there's still a bit of hate and insecurity in me that i couldn't bring myself to beat my pride. i wasn't really hoping for anything but when my phone vibrated, my heart rejoiced. i almost cried. i wanted to. but heck im pushing around a cart at puregold. so yeah. i want to see her and hug her and cry and give her cadburry fruits and nuts. asijdhgabsdsagd. it's not really a message of forgiveness or something but it's safe to assume we're fine now. i probably can't stand being in a dispute with someone for too long, either i try to bring back the friendship or if my resolve to break all connections is dead solid, i'll grow apathetic and let things be gray.

which is yknow, bad. i think so? i know there's still one thing i need to fix but everytime i think of it, i just want to forget about it. push all memories away and pretend nothing ever happened. i'm growing indifferent by the minute. and it's weird cos i feel guiltless. my guilt is my conscience... it's a flag of goodness for me. cos every time i feel guilty i confirm for myself that i'm still aware of my wrongdoings. which is good. it's one thing to still be able to distinguish good from evil after living 21 years in an evil world.

i have two friends. the left and the right. the angel and the devil. parang ganun pero hindi, i'd like to think they're both angels haha. when i'm in bitch mode i go to my friend by my left haha cos with her it's totally okay to bash people and be utterly judgmental. i enjoy being with her because i get to be honest with my feelings like toooootally. on the other hand, if i wanted to do the right thing i'll go to my friend by my right. well, it's also ok to fool around with him but i don't think he's tolerant of evil things so it's awkward for me to be completely honest with him. >:| too much goodness is toxic rin ano. humans are evil and to force yourself to be good is an injustice to human nature. it's good to be bad, once in a while. but generally you have to be good. haha ewan.

2 days ng masakit ulo ko. ang hirap magsorry a leche, hindi ko kasi hobby yun e. askgjskdhlasl

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