champions run toward their fears

i want to be a champion too but i'm too afraid of taking charge, of taking responsibility and of taking the opportunities that boldly present themselves to me. i believe that, if you think you can do a better job, then do it instead. keyword: THINK. the problem goes with deciding to actually DO IT. too much demands, too much hassle, too much trouble and NO TIME. then i go about thinking, i know i can do it, BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO. i see it as potential energy at its worst.

the head of the student board something something asked me if i can still host this school year's Ambassador of Goodwill (AoG) pageant. apparently, adrian and i were our english teacher's top choice last trimester. we emceed it last year and it was stressful. ok, fine, it's scripted. all i did was recite the words written in the spiel in my best radio quality english speaking voice. they liked it! BUT DID I? i didn't like the part where i was fumbling on what to do to keep the stage alive when the contestants are still dressing up for the next portion and we've ran out of intermission numbers. it was truamatizing. i can't adlib. i'll go nuts, i'll shower the audience with a bastarded version of the english language. i'll just humiliate myself and bring shame to my entire existence. anyway, i didn't. hehe

a shirt design? i would love to, but it's extreme labor for me to turn from space-hating-maximalist to minimalist. but that's where my brewing passion lies. traditional visual arts. with that, i decided to still become part of the school newsletter organization as cartoonist/illustrator. i'll probably do a better job there. but i'm not sure. i'm, err, to unconfident. hay

scriptwriting for gawdsake is something i've never done before. and from a dormant fiction story writer, they want me to transform into a freaking playwright (sort of)! the job is simple, the script is ready and they just need me to shorten/lengthen it to fit 30 minutes, and SCALE DOWN some vulgar items. ANG HIRAP KAYA SHEEET.  i like vulgarity in plays that display a common social setting. and for freak's sake, i'm an "exaggeralist". JM kasi eh grrr

i'll be reading the scriptSSSS tonight to see what i can do.
i just feel like they've got no one else to pass the awful job to. but that's freakin not my problem anymore. >:)
oh really, the thing is... I'M JUST TOO AFRAID TO SCREW UP.

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