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a sneak preview of how irresponsible we are that we downgraded from a news mag to just a newsletter with crappy writing and mediocre layout to boot. happy viewing.

i've met people who're just all guts and no glory. i admire their confidence, but question their management.
i'm guilty of being the obnoxious critic who believes she knows and can do better but eventually realizes she's lacking some guts. those who complain on the sidelines and throw snide remarks are often told to either shut up or be in their shoes, but that's not entirely the point. just because we know better doesn't mean we should (or want to) take the lead instead.

when it all comes down to it, no matter how qualified you are, it's up to your will to give justice to your qualifications.
it's pretty much google chrome with super enhanced feeds aggregator catering to social networking sites. i'm impressed at the convenience it gives. all the feeds from my most visited websites are well packed as icons on the side of the browser, i don't even need to open a separate tab for each of them.

downside? hmm. i'm enjoying it so far but i wonder how it would go for multiple users. i mean, i open rockmelt and i'm automatically logged in to fb, twitter, gmail and formspring. i even set it as my default browser. so what if another user logs in? ohkay i have yet to try that.

anyhow, will be pulling off another all-nighter to finish this argh school newsletter layout due tomorrow. i can actually start layouting now but when i saw the articles, i thought, errr. so i asked EIC if i could do something about it. edit/rewrite at least. i mean. henako kasi.

ETA: tinamad na ko. kaka stalk. overkill na nga e. tsk.
bakit hindi ko narecognize na pacute pala tong JM (naka 3 sources pa ko). bat ba? di ko na kelangan malaman yon. hindi naman sya cute e, gwapo sya! gwapo! heh. matutulog na ko! good night!

Dear Lord,

please help me survive tomorrow, there're so much thievery going on in the labs that we're starting to look like irresponsible SA's. yesterday i picked a small notebook and created my own "unadulterated lab reports", some kinda of a work diary. uncensored shempre. it will contain everything that i'm supposed to do and have done for the day. i need to become more strict. and i'm willing to offer my time off-duty just to ensure these incidents don't happen again, and if they do, at least we could track the culprit easier. seryoso. nakakaguilty kasi. bwiset naman, so what's happening now? there's a serial chop-chopper in the lab? pa-isa isang pyesa ganon? bobo much? di pa tinira yung buong motherboard!!! yaman din lamang na may screwdriver sya, or maybe he has a built-in one in his fingers. errrrr

we need to install CCTVs on all labs. asap.
will donate blood later!

hey i dreamt about jc and jen. in my dream, jc has already graduated and became a science teacher. i was chatting with him and jen got mad. argh nagselos daw. so they kinda left me. we were at sm megamall cinema section, about to donate books. ayon. i brought a lot of books with me and i have to register them one by one, book by book, including the ISBN's what the heeeell hassle. anyway, they have this automated book registering machine, and there i was... about to donate a pile of pocket books. >:O

wala lang. i dunno. significance please?

i'm back to xp pro sp2 bangketa version. i was finally able to install SQL Server 2005... thanks to the hotfix! but there's still a bug, i realized that if i installed it using a password protected administrator account, every time i log in the BSOD will appear and the PC will restart. anyhow, when it did and i was taken back to the login screen, i logged on to my sister's account (admin, no password) and got in. then i was able to use the software with ease and blah. so i kindof thought that if i disable the password, i'll be able to log in on my account without the friggin bitch screen of doom.

and it worked.
so. what was this problem all about? at first i was confident it was sortofa setup issue, after all the hotfix worked like magic. but still, you know, i got a BSOD on a password protected admin account. so what gives?

k.whatev! at least it doesn't reboot ad infinitum! and i can use XP!
fine.fine. gotta get ready to lose half a litter of blood!

yey! >XD LOL
why am i excited to donate blood.
1. walking to her with open arms
2. a year of longing etched in a half smile
3. her heart leapt as he inched closer
4. she ran to his embrace and cried
5. failing to contain her happiness
6. head buried in his chest, she drowned in his scent
7. nostalgia
8. he hugged her tighter
9. took her hand for a kiss
10. but she pulled away

the memory is too vivid. the emotion too strong. i have no idea why she pulled back. i'm sure she wanted that
kiss. he was about to give it to her. i don't understand.
why i'm holding back too much. >:\

if i must consult with sir Sigmund, i would've gotten an interpretation about my frustrations. and i must admit, i'm a slave for my dreams.

there's another one. i play as a mistress of this rich old dirty man who's you know, dirty. i stole something from him and hid it in my orange backpack. next thing i know, he's checking on em, so i put it in another bag. i put the unidentified stolen item on Chamel's backpack, and asked her to leave immediately. rich DOM noticed i was doing something fishy and walked to us. we panicked so we both ran away! haha

anurawyown?
eeeehh, pagbigyan!
i dunno how i'm going to pull this off. i have 3 quizzes tomorrow and i only got, like, 6-- hours to study for all of them. anyway, that's not gonna stop me from blogging. see i kindof brought back Live Junk out of the grave cos i don't feel tikwasin anymore LOL and people actually read it as tikwa-sin which means to trip something over... kindof. haha that's not the operational meaning of the title so to hell with it. >:\

hmm. i had a quick power nap awhile ago and woke up friggin alarmed cos is already dark and i still have to study tons of junk. i walked groggily to the counter downstairs to have some coffee but the box is freakin empty. nakaka-stress sobra. where's coffee when you need it? it's a staple for me so i can't run out of it.

my favorites:
3. jimm's 7-in-1 instant coffee. pinaka accessible. hindi matapang pero malakas. >:D
2. pior (previously gano coffee). we order this from our neighbor and i like it better than jimm's. >:) matapang. malakas. masaya! >:D >:D >:D
1. organo mocha. direct sales, hirap orderin. >:| parang pior. parang langit. abot langit din ang presyo amp. haha

ayoko ng:
any variant of nescafe 3-in-1. kadiri yung pait nya, parang gamot yak. errr

sige po Lord, mag-aaral na po ako. good morning! >:D
i wanted to be part of any Philippine team but thought that my athletic skills are below average. i can swim but i can't race LOL and although our PE teacher encouraged us (me and my group cos we won in our mini compet) to train for varsity 10 lbs ago, i discarded the thought because i thought they only accept fast swimmers. and i was never one. i totally missed the 'training' part. which i sorely regret. i could've been faster. i could've been part of a team! i've always wanted to be part of a team. >___<; that's my super frustration in life.

however, this Philippine Memory Team intrigued me to the core. i've always known about the detrimental effects of ageing with an inactive mind ie. dying of alzheimer's, which is why i try to read as much as i could to prevent thy precious neurons from hibernating, or worse, deteriorating (cos i read somewhere that neurons cannot be replenished. and it fucking scared me). it's the least i can do to make my brain work. recently i haven't been engaging myself in any proactive mental activities aside from school (which bores me sometimes) so i'm pretty much, errr, bored. mentally. if you exclude the amount of brain i use for cyber-stalking my crushes and voodoo cursing their bitches (mentally)... yeah, my mind is somewhat unoccupied.

i want to be mentally active. i really do. ever since i learned about this visualization-association and phonetics techniques, memorization doesn't scare me as much. i want to learn moooorrreee!

are there FREE workshops on this?!?!?

so you know, i kinda researched on the team and found myself subscribing to this world memory competition thingy. when i got the confirmation email, i swear i felt dejavu-ed! i've dreamt about this email, about this world memory thing.... so i thought, how nice. i'm destined to find this website after all.

which sort of solidifies my err theory that those dreams you've forgotten upon waking up are most likely to take place. because that's what usually happens to me. i remember the dream when it's taking place, or have already taken place (but never beforehand. woa. imagine that). hence the feeling of dejavu (ie. me saying, "hey i've dreamt about this!"). sticking with this notion means my nightmares aren't going to happen, as well as those too-good-to-be-true (ie. me flying on a broomstick) stuff like JM finally confessing his love for me (which isn't a dream but rather an illusion LOL) simply because I REMEMBER.

note to self (and to anyone interested): Brain Games!
don't get me wrong.
don't take it seriously.
i'm never one to shut someone out completely unless i was severely harmed. emotionally hohoho. mentally pala hehehe. as long as i can handle it, okay lang. hihihi

eh you know what. that way i feel wit JM right now is exactly how i felt about him a year ago. the same intense crushing feeling argh. and it's more difficult now cos we're actually friends, unlike before where i just stare at him from afar and still get frozen. nakaka-taranta kasi yung pasulpot sulpot lang. he approached me twice this day, about work naman, pero haller after he left the first time... i looked like kyoko doing comic reliefs. it was funny, tas bumalik pa! i swear ikamamatay ko pag nakita nya kong nagf-flail like a fangirl. oh God, no. @_@ the second time he came, mega tense nanaman. work naman kasi kaya okay lang, at least me nasabi naman ako pero deym there was a point na mejo na-utal ako parang tanga lang. sana hindi obvious.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORDDDDDD. the shame! @_@ ano ba to? sobra na yata ako sa kakaghost?
you know what, yesterday i don't know what's wrong but pasmado kamay ko so every time i touch a PC i get grounded. as in, lahat ng PCng hinawakan ko may arayyyy fucktor. e haller i'm on the hardware level so i can't afford to be Volta. ayan hassle tuloy i had to use my hanky to hold the hard disk. bwiset, ultimo hard disk na hindi nakasaksak, na ground ako?!

sabagay. doorknob nga nagground ako e.
kay JM nga nagground ako e, ampotek. Lord, alam mo yung as much as possible iniiwasan ko sya kasi... ano... hindi kaya ng aking sistema ang kanyang presensya. ay hindi ko pala sya iniiwasan, pero hindi ko sya hinahanap at hindi ko sya gusto kasama. oyun nga. eeehhh????!
i thought i had freed myself from my 4th Zahir but i guess i haven't? i'm still way too cruelly creative in planning your bitches death (or despair, whichever works). I'm sinning because of you.

And i ghosted the wrong disk again. argh.
BWAHAHAHA here's what i remember:
i was heading to LB for something.
i commented on Jerson about something, he smiled and sort of posed. for one, he has one of the best smiles among my guy friends.
Jam sent me a note about something, then Mac sent me another note. i forgot. org issues i guess?
then i was with JM (naka-cap and uniform)! >:) outside Jollibee Philcoa blah blah blah, i think we're supposed to eat eh but someone called me so i told him to wait. i left, tapos hindi ko na maalala. argh.

-_-; so much for a "date" OTL
yan tuloy, kanina pa yun nasa Jollibee! waley na! waley na talaga! baka iba na kasabay nya kumain! baka si **g*** na!!! LOL k.whatev?

this has been going on for too long na. 1 year na kaya. puro jejemon kasi mga bago e argh.

yesterday, i lost my purse. e wala, andun lang naman pamasahe/pang-tithes/allowance ko. nyek. sabi ko, Lord bat ang aga naman ng karma ko? hindi ko pa naman inaangkin yung usb na naiwan sa lab eh, inuwi ko lang, tas sinave-an ng stuff for my next class. ibabalik ko rin naman pag me nagclaim. di ko nga nireformat eh. why the bad karma?

then i realized, aaah, baka naman this is God telling me that the USB is mine, after all... i've paid for it na! HAHAHA lol joke.

this is my karma for being TEMPTED alone. temptation pa lang me karma na. ikaw ba naman kasi, isang 8gigs, isang 4gigs. SAN KA PA?!

akin na nga to!
HAHAHA in relation to my "theory" that google could actually be an emerging antichrist, i suddenly became wary of the amount of information about me present in the web. they could use it for something like an operation neopersecution when the "time" comes. hehe. i did some pretty silly vanity search and found out that any one who could use google can come to my place and burn it (not a suggestion).

anyhow. i couldn't possibly minimize my presence in the web. it's pretty much like my 3rd home or something, assuming that i consider school my 2nd urgh. my only personal and public account is my blog, which i realized, contains damn too much cyber-criminal-friendly information (not a suggestion). all my other public accounts are either under aliases or considered 'safe' (uber understatement of the day) so i guess that leaves me with just one domain to purge. my blog.

wait a minute. my silbi naman tong blog na to...

case 1: doctor wanted to know when i started having terrible chest pain. because i remember complaining about it in my blog, i looked it up and found out the exact date, time, and even the circumstance i.e. every cold season and after swimming.

case 2: the company doesn't have any record of me accomplishing their training seminar week. i looked into my blog and found out: the week date, time, trainers, venue, co-trainee (with pic), activities, plus photographs from the art exhibit we passed by on the mall the same week, also sent them links and stuff. i don't think it's enough proof. but i never want to repeat that week again. -__-; i'm quite worried though, cos the link i sent them contains a short stalking feed about one of their trainers. kasi crush ko e. nye

eh. yoko na. antok na ko. aral mode.
i came in their room and she was eyeing me with such familiarity. i could only guess it came from knowing either of the two:

1. that i am his professor's daughter
2. i was her schoolmate

i think i can be friends with her. BWAHAHAHAHA
bittorent says my Skip Beat download has to wait 2 weeks++ to get finished. i said, as soon as it's done, i'll revert to win xp sp2 and try to get some hotfixes for my friggin SQL installation. para lang di masayang yung 68.5% progress ko. HAHAHA now, i'm hesitating on going back. i think, vista fucking starter will do FOR NOW cos i still have tons of programming software to install in the future and i don't want to meet thy BSOD every time i'm trying to be a good student. i dunno but i'm thinking it has something to do with my OS being non-legit hahaha

when i get my own laptop i want it to be XP. darn you microsoft for not realizing that vista is actually a DOWNGRADE of it. i dunno about 7 but the UI is too spiffy... i think it looks dumb. hehe anyway, i just need a windows something that doesn't eat too much RAM. -__-;

Rec me good anime's please. except bleach, naruto and one piece cos they always keep me hanging and they never get finished. and i hate waiting so, yon. >:)

i want another job. seriously. if i get a part time job outside which pays better i'll quit my school job. >:| i feel guilty that my friends who are more 'financially underprivileged' aren't given spots as student assistants, last time i checked it's a financial support program. honestly, i think they need it more. but. but. eeeehhh >:(

--------------

you're a sensitive topic. i can't believe i can't just talk about you without worrying how others would feel. as your best friend, i feel bad that i'm restraining myself like this. all because i never wanted anyone to get the wrong idea. our groups are getting smaller and one day we'll all be absorbed in a single circle. i can't afford to be an outcast just because of an unresolved past. nyek nyek nyeeeeekk.


oryt. time to do some homework... for my dad's class tomorrow. hahaha
isang araw nakita ko me naka-vandal sa chair na '*firstname lastname* ♥ JM'

sabi ko shet, dami kong kaagaw sayo bwiset. di ko mabasa yung surname pero malinaw yung firstname. sabi ko, hahanapin ko tong gurlash na to. kinabukasan, pagbukas ko ng FB may friend request ako galing kay firstname! hindi ko nga nabasa yung lastname sa chair so hindi ko maconfirm kung sya nga si gurlash. pero basing on the common letters and our 17 mutual friends, sya nga. sya nga si gurlash. sya nga, yung dapat na hahanapin ko pero naunahan ako. yung dapat ii-istalk ko pero kusang nagprisenta ng impormasyon. psychic! tingnan mo nga naman ang pagkakataon.

kagabi, lumong lumo ako kakaiyak dito sa pelikulang ito: A Little Thing Called Love (2010). Thai movie yan, divided into 8 parts sa youtube. please watch para masaya.

spoiler? hindi naman.

tuwang tuwa ako sa movie na yan kasi parang nakita ko sarili ko dun sa bida... nung simula. HAHA kasi sya yung panget na na-inlove sa isang heart throb. sobrang laughtrip. nakakatanga, me mga eksenang "shet parang ako lang to ah O_o". pero sabi ko nga, sa simula lang ako relate na relate at tawang tawa. kasi eventually, nagbloom yung girl at in the end naging sila. inuulit ko, sa simula lang ako nakarelate.
besides overstocking on pens, i also hoard papers. i specially like blank pages! kaya naman, wagas ako tumingin tingin ng mga notebook, sketchpad, at kapapelan sa bookstore. bwahahaha >8) yesterday, i saw these FINALLY BACK at National Bookstore SM North EDSA.


Jotter Pad (A5 blank pages!!) @ P39.25
Memo Block (3x3) @ P15.50

i remember, these two Star Paper Corp. products went out for a long time. i knew the demand was HIGH (i just know. there're a million paper freaks out there like me) but the amount of time it was gone almost seemed like it was phased out! mejo na torn ako don seryoso cos they're the perfect gift suggestions for me cos hello, they're cheap and functional at the same time! tas when i went christmas shopping and checked at NBS, they're all gone. argh. @_@;

anyway, they're back! for good (or forever!!!), hopefully. hahaha come on, paper isn't cheap! this is a ridiculously good find for me. the paper is of perfect quality. it isn't like the regular bond paper type, it's thicker like pang sketchpad pero smooth. waaaaaahhh >8D

now, for another glorious find! >8D


Moods Memo Cube Pad (muticolored!! 4x4) @ P30.00

evidently a hit! when i saw it there were only a few blocks left kaya naman bumili agad ako. WAHEHEHE it's obviously cheap cos it's bigger than your regular memo pad, it's multicolored (crap. i gasped when i first saw them. exagge pero nakakaiyak sa tuwa >XD), and it's only 30 pesos. san ka naman nakakita ng ganon? waley! 

seeing papers like these, and walking through a wonderland of colored pens and markers makes me want to draw again. i haven't been drawing lately! 
makailang sorry na ko Lord o, ayaw ako pansinin. osya sige. last na yung kanina. pundi na ko Lord. alam mo yung sobrang guilty nako nung simula kaso nung tumagal naiinis na rin ako. ganun yun e, yung guilt pag dumaan ng hindi nareresolve, nagiging remorse, but in my case nagiging inis! heh. joke lang. >:|

i encountered a super duper mega major major fatal 0.1 second blue screen of damnation. i was installing SQL by the time it appeared and restarted. then i couldn't log-in anymore blah blah blah. which is why i reinstalled *irap* windows fucking vista starter. graaarrrr.

matutulog na ko.

Lord, good luck sakin bukas dahil mago-ghost nanaman ako. this time, with added pressure and stress and everything else dahil wala si boss #2 at ISA LANG ang source disk na ipinagkatiwala nya sakin. pag ako nag-fail at mali ang source-destination combo ko. patay ako. patay ako ng lubusan. iiyak ako. promise.

buti na lang maaga ako uuwi.
this week was quite a liberating week for me. all i ever did was attend classes, watch anime and did a bit of stalking.

♦ no more articles to write! that was kinda relieving though at some point that would mean i won't be earning that 'extra' income i want. asrgkjgdsl

♦ my 'little bit' of stalking actually led me to sad yet enlightening conclusion(s) truthsss...
1. i was never really someone special to him and
2. he never really 'liked' me like 'that'
3. it's all in the mind. that's the major major conclusion here, i wish i could exaggerate it better.

see, that's what happens when you keep your feelings to yourself for too long. you end up fooling yourself with your own fantasies. you hope for the wrongs things, you hurt for the wrong reasons, and you slowly lock yourself into a false alternate reality that is built on assumptions. but it can't be helped. i guess. haha

♦ the most liberating part of it is that, i can now stop thinking. i can now quit stalking. i can now quit hoping that there could be something because, as i've recently realized and proved (socially, mentally and scientifically. orz), there really is nothing going on. even in the past. why did it take me this long to realize that. FML

but it wasn't a total waste, the best thing about 2010 for me was that i fell in love. for the first time. and 2011 could well be some kind of divine retribution, not in the angry kind of way. but yeah, i want a better karma. in this aspect of my life.

♦ let's get real. JM (heh) isn't real. he'll never be. i've always known that and i can bet my entire life on it. srsly. 100%. there's nothing in it. i'm not really hoping but it's not like i'll quit daydreaming and joking about it HOHOHO. bakit ba, he's the same as all of you guys, the only difference is that he isn't IT or CS. >_>;

why? i've read and understood the terms circling around the impossibility of anime crossing this certain dimension but i still flail over them like a lovesick pea shooter. and why (again)? have they read my terms, which states that i can cross their friggin 2D world and live happily ever after, provided i'm asleep? of course not! in the same way, i'm perfectly fine just dreaming about JM.

reality is much much awkward and boring and ugggghhhh-ish.
haynako Lord. >:|


Finished watching Gakuen Heaven! so far, it's the third shounen-ai anime i've watched (i ♥ yaoi btw. please deal with it). Sorry but i didn't like it that much! >XD i dunno, maybe because Kaichou wa Maid-Sama still lingers.. strongly. bwahaha ♥

anyway. i didn't feel the story. i didn't like the lead characters, they're both weaklings. and the pairings are so, ugh what is that, uke-uke?! argh.just.argh. >_<; they AAAAALLL seem so effeminate! even the supposed to be seme's of the pack look creepily uke-ish. i mean, glasses. cool. tech geek. of course. but aaaarrrgh, i dunno. i don't like it. haha

there was only ONE character in the entire series that passed as a seme, by my standards of course, and he isn't even romantically involved with the lead uke which is so fail. i would've enjoyed it if he took the lead. argh. given that his character won't change. hmmm

Tetsuya Niwa - Student council president hohoho


Next! Skip Beat! (downloading) >:) let's see...

so my favorite yaoi anime is still JUNJOU ROMANTICA! yey! unless you can rec me something better? no AU's, plain shounen-ai. i've no enough brain cells to yaoi-ize popular anime though srsly if they could only turn yaoi doujinshi's to anime that would be totally cool. >8D

PS: askdgabsjckhl i switched to sun and hid my wall. you therefore conclude i'm hiding a boyfriend somewhere. ~_~; deeeeeym roight. 
fail-est day of my CS life. we were supposed to reformat all the PC's in the 4 computer labs we have here, that's around 160 units. naturally, we have to do some ghosting (i just learned about it, and it's one hell of a(n) pirate act >8D) to save time, resources, energy, money and everything else you're most likely to waste by reformatting one-by-one.. i.e. your entire life. haha

yesterday. sir long (by boss #2) left for his lunch break and i was left to ghost the remaining PC's. i'll cut it short na lang, thing is... i ghosted the wrong diskSSSS. so i pretty much reinstalled the same virus inflicted, totally useless, deep freeze lacking system on around 8 PCs. argh. i knew there was something wrong. and it took me 8 PC's to realize that. what a waste. of life. >:|
alam mo yung naka move-on ka na eh, pero yung mga tao sa paligid mo hindi parin. nakaka-panibago ba na masaya ka na ulit at okay na ang lahat? okay na okay na. mahirap ba paniwalaan yon? muka bang pinaplastik mo sarili mo? bat mas marunong pa sila. >:| hayan na nga't sinunod mo ang payo nila, tas sila pa ang me ganang itanggi ang isang katotohanang ikaw mismo ang nagbunyag sa sarili mo. na para bang hindi nila inaasahang makabangon ka pa. at wala silang tiwalang makakabangon ka pa. at hindi ka na dapat bumangon pa. sino bang me dala nito? ikaw diba. ikaw na pinagkaitan ng tiwala. ikaw na naghahanap ng mga kaibigang masasandalan at tutulungan kang makalaya. pero mukang ayaw nilang maniwala na kaya mo talaga.

tama ka. dapat sinolo mo na lang yan.
Because Vista sucks, and it took me 3 years to realize that, I've just rolled back to Windows XP Bangketa Version (LOL if you get what i mean).

So far, so good. EXCEPT FOR THE AUDIO. Apparently, my research has taken me into an understanding that HP does not support any audio drivers for XP (but they're out there from the manufacturer's site), and that HP has sold itself to Microsoft's lecherous Vista marketing strategy. ARGH. >:(

Now my best chance is to get all device specifications in the motherboard and search for drivers. argh. manually. argh. I was lucky enough to have the modem driver work, unless i won't be able to go online and search for solutions! >8D

Hm. limited stuff i can do for now. Heck i still have to buy that ultimate "non-expiring" antivirus from my favorite bangketa outlet. bwahahaha
iniisip ko kung anong klaseng kabutihan ang nagawa ko para biyayaan ako ni Lord ng full scholarship ngayong taon. iniisip ko rin kung alin sa mga kamalasan ng nakaraang taon ang nagbigay sakin ng ganito kagandang karma. iniisip ko na baka kapalit ng namamayagpag kong pagaaral ay ang sumpang hindi na magkaroon ng buhay pagibig.

nagiisip ako ng iba pang paraan para kumita. 12 hours lang ang pwede kong itrabaho sa school ngayon dahil madami akong kinuhang subjects. hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang magsulat ng mga artikulo. simula noong sinimulan ko to, araw araw akong puyat. at hindi ko feel na kumikita talaga ko. >:|

tulog na lang ang pahinga ko. at minsan naguiguilty pa kong matulog dahil wala nanaman akong nagawa magdamag kundi mag internet at manood ng anime. wala akong ibang 'break' kundi ang maginternet, tapos sa tuwing ginagawa ko pa yon feeling ko nagkakasala ako dahil imbes na gamitin ko ang oras ko para manaliksik tungkol dun sa dapat kong isulat, ay nakikichika lang ako sa FB. 

feeling ko hindi ko naman dinedeprive ang sarili ko. nakakakain pa naman ako ng tama. nakakapagisip ng tama (sa classroom). masaya naman ako. pero parang may kulang talaga. >:|
may mga bagay na dapat tinutulog na lang e. pero eto hindi e. i'm now 2,000 words behind schedule. i just downed my favorite upper but i decided to sleep na lang, kasi kahit gising na gising ako ngayon... ramdam ko yung pagod. argh.

>_<;
i got two screenshots to prove that you're paranoid and concerned at the same time. two screenshots and a comment to prove she's pissed. and one recent activity to prove that i'm involved. i even stressed all the date stamps to further my claim. there's an entire wall of hints at your disposal, and you're playing it just like how you did before.. or just like how you always do. how come you never change. i'm curious about how she feels, what you tell her, and what she tells the other girl.

go ahead and cross the line, i'll lower it so you won't trip. >:)
meanwhile. i'll continue playing dense, until you straighten it out. 

anyway. oryt, i have an entire discussion thread about this in my inbox... and my friend, whom i conveniently labeled as my opportunity-segregator, has advised me to quit, and look somewhere else. somewhere else, meaning you-know-who. of all people. argh. like i'm not looking at him enough? apparently what she thinks i don't see is that there's something more about him:

- coming to me every time i'm alone then leaving when someone else comes (duh?)
- making me jealous, right when he knows i have a crush on him. argh?
- doing all the approaching. it's 95% him, which could be roughly broken down to 30% work-related and 65% whatnots. i never go to him unless my work requires me to, which is the remaining 5%.
- texting a conv starter, which i successfully ignored by being asleep. i woke up regretful. for one: hindi sya palatext. he doesn't even know unli! T____T; argh
- and more.

of course, i know all about those! i'm on fantasy mode every time my crush is near, every little thing he does in real life has an exaggerated translation equivalent to something like 'he likes me back'... which could easily be an understatement if it were only real (keyword: if). 

i could only think it's his way of wanting to make sure if his knowledge about me is true. but i'm not one to give motives, let alone recognize one. i'm curious on the type of assurance he got with my reactions. LOL so i think this is going nowhere.

but it's something else... when somebody thinks there's something else. >:P
//i made it. i finally made it to the full scholar category of the dean's list! 100% tuition fee discount yay! my parents will be happy! @_@ Lord, this is an awesome start. 2011, i'll make you mine. >;) kaya naman tume-22 units ako ngayon! goood luck!

//i got my new schedule and i'm taking one of my dad's class. this is ridiculous, but it can't be avoided. he's the only one handling that particular subject and it's a major one too so i can't let it pass. besides, even if i did, who knows if he won't be teaching it next tri? >:| grrrr this will be a very awkward tri.
i feel like i'm back in highschool, flailing over anime! >XD you have to blame usui takumi of kaichou wa maid-sama. >XD >XD >XD he's too perfect. argh. i wish i could marry someone like him. ♥ ♥ ♥

anyway. i keep on procrastinating on this writing assignment and it sucks cos i don't feel alarmed at all. every time i think that the topic is too easy, i pass it for another day. and another, and another... till i find myself way behind schedule and mentally drafting  an "excuse" letter for my boss. >XD argh. apparently, ang hirap pala nya.

anyway, here's a list of stuff i have to download soon... when there's enough space. >:'(

1. gakuen heaven - downloading
2. kimi ni todoke
3. junjou romantica season 3? 2?
4. skip beat

rec me? best genre combo would be shoujo-highschool-comedy-slapstick-romance haha meron pa ba? aside from: special a, toradora, kaichou wa maid-sama, bokura ga ita and lovely complex.... cos i've ardy watched them. hehe! i can root for shounen ai too! waahh rec me pleaaaase!!! cos i need to preoccupy myself (like i'm not already haha) until chuck season 4 breaks out in pirated dvds. >XD >XD >XD

argh.
i.should.start.working.argh.i.know.argh.-_-;


*insert fangirl squeal* USUI TAKUMI *insert fangirl squeal* 

seriously. it's because of these seemingly perfect alternate universes that i lost faith with the male sector of the human race. haay anime. when will it ever get real. >XD
Learnings from 2010
1. you can't trust even your closest friends.
2. love (or something like it) ruins friendships. other friendships.
3. to earn everyone's favor you must tolerate their vanity
4. i can never have enough money. argh
5. first love never dies. argh
6. too much knowledge kills faith
7. next to a dead man, lost trust is the hardest (if not impossible) to revive.
8. there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers. but really, even if i tried, stupid questions and smart answers just don't mix. -_-;

there's more but i would sound like a totally ungrateful jerk if i continue. if in case, i hurt anyone in this list, just tell me and i'll clarify (but most probably lie) so i guess it's better not to ask.

Now, for the blessings. 2010 wasn't entirely bad so i'm still thankful because...
1. i got a job. somehow
2. i maintained my scholarship
3. i have friends who make me laugh everyday
4. i have BTS
4. my family is still intact

and so on.

Resolutions (because it's just a matter of rewriting the old stuff)
1. quit nail biting - to be completely honest i know i'll never overcome this bad habit. yuh but it's always worth resolving so wth
2. quit procrastinating - arguably the most common item in everyone's list. and yet.
3. read more books - though i doubt i'll ever have time for this. >:|
4. save more money - duh
5. work harder - so i could #4
6. try to lose weight - it's the universal frustration. and you just have to agree.

a typical list.
now i have something to copy-paste every year haha