i miss the times when i can just run to anyone and talk about anything that bothers me. i miss the times when i could freely chat with anyone who’s waiting for a class, like a good friend . i miss the times when i was still so open about anything. i miss the trust i gave to the people around me. back then i felt more alive, more at peace. i felt like the entire world is a friend who will not betray me.
but now everything’s different. i’ve closed my heart. i’ve shut my mouth. the world whom i thought was a friend turned out to be a backstabbing foe. what happened was that i learned too much. too much of what people say behind my back. too much about their insecurities, their selfishness and their bottomless craving for attention. i was betrayed. and it was enough to alter my view on life and people in general. i’ve come to watch my actions more, and see through my words better. i learned how you cannot trust anybody more than yourself, more than God. that i shouldn’t walk around wearing my heart on my sleeve, giving everyone a piece of myself.
it’s a lonely journey. but there is peace in solitude. epiphanies are born when you’re alone. the world whom i regarded as a friend, is now but an acquaintance. and everyone else whom i gave a piece of myself to, i have left to wonder as to why i have inched away from the usual glee. it is a choice. a choice for more privacy and for lesser, but quality friends.
you shouldn’t trust people. even your closest friends. i’m not excluding myself, i am not to be trusted. never trust me. if that’s a chore for you, then i’ll do my part. i won’t give you a chance or reason to trust me. i’ve had enough of being trustworthy. and for a while i’ve noticed that as the trust grows, the expectation doubles. and it kills.
ignorance is bliss. there is beauty in not knowing. there is pleasure in being a fool.
there are things i wish i hadn’t known. things i wish hadn’t asked. and things i wish i was never curious about. but accounting it all on human nature, the best i can do is surrender to it. because an unappeased appetite is lethal and it could cost my soul to perish more than my mind would if i was fed about it.
what i really miss is having a real-life human confidante. or a real best friend. emphasis on real. someone i could dump my ideas and crap to… in real-time. like, right now! haha >: