i thought it was some kind of a joke, that the pages of the book i was reading suddenly went off series. it was 124, then 117, 126, 127, 121, 124, 141, 134, 135, 144. it went on for the next 20 pages, with me finding 3 leaves missing. i did my best to look for them but they're nonexistent. beats me why the title of the book is Tw7sted (by Jessica Zafra), and the subject where the pages started going berserk has something to do with exercising your brain. she was discussing ways on how to sharpen your mind and make a buff out of your neurons. for sure, it's the universe. the thing hates me still. it sort of became a bad omen too, i was fumbling through the pages wednesday morning at the hospital; afternoon came and i was the most distressed person in the world. uhm, connection? i dunnno, i'm making things up. 

the karma cycle. you're up then you're down. you don't know where it starts, you don't know where it ends. all you know is that it's how the universe balances things, like it can't get any heavier. it's probably a cosine graph, good at the origin. it shows an eternal wave of constant amplitude, reminding us that there is always a limit to everything. when you've reached your peak, you slide down, when you're at the pit, you start trekking up. 

i'm not sure if i'm at the pit but i know i'm somewhere down. and if this is not the bottom of the slide yet, God knows how much i'm going to loathe my life (even with the conspiratorial universe who promises to carry me up soon). WHAT IF, this is the best that can happen? after all, a cosine graph can exist below the x axis and still have highs and lows. FML. anyway. i'm just saying.

Lord. i'm waiting for something good to happen. enough on the food, i've wasted so much trying to calm my nerves with ice cream, but end up feeling otherwise because it's coffee flavored. not only have i triggered the bedlam in my nervous system, but i've also managed to assure myself of not less than 30% weight gain in the coming weeks. it's just good on the tongue. nowhere else. >:(

Dear Lord, i asked for him. where is he? what, am i blind or is he still lost? i'd rather take it he's lost. amen.

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