yes, and my being slow and and dense isn't going to get me anywhere. hmmmmm so given that i'm such an insensitive creature, i would appreciate it if people would just tell it to me straight. i'm too creative, my assumptions are going to be so out of this world ridiculous and downright improbable that i'd end up taking the safest, most negative side. i've always been like this, and it's hindering me from the kind of social life i wanted to experience.

this is confusing. they say, this is it. but i don't believe it. i was sort of programmed into thinking that if it's too good to be true, it most probably isn't. i was so consumed with my fantasies that when it broke into reality, i lose my grip. this isn't real. maybe i'm just trapped in a second level dream and i must wake up before i die, lest i get stuck in limbo.

hm. calculus was a major pisser. there was not enough time to get through the blasted questions completely. and tomorrow, i'm gonna go fuck another test. this is exactly the reason why i bank so much on my midterm standing. i know my final grade will decline by the time the term is over. haaay.

i wanna know what's up. as in the exact thing behind what's happening in my darned creatively paranoid universe. i should be in control but the outside forces are too, uhm, weird. i don't get it. i simply don't. and when i don't get anything, i turn nega. tell me, please. i'm too dumb for this. fuckyeaaaahhh

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