incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*

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