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passion talk

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there's a trend happening in my life right now and it's getting me really confused. you know how i'm all about discovering my REAL passion and wondering how to live it to the fullest without compromising my state of wealth? i haven't got a solid resolution to that. i already know what my passion is and it's actually quite spot-on in my case because you know, it just shows.

during "the search", here are a few pointers that helped me...

you know you're passionate about something when...

  • you love doing it
  • you're good at it. you don't have to be the best. you just have to be good.
  • you can do it for food. haha who cares about money, you just need to be alive. hahaha

if you're still unsure, just think of your passion as something you love doing so much such that when you STOP doing it, someone will hurt more than you do. you're passion is probably a place where you're most appreciated. it's a comfort zone where you can build your own world.

then i came about listing down stuff i do, regardless of whether i love doing em or not... as long it's a major part of my life, and here they go:

1. my nine to five - programming

- i don't love it. unless you consider html/css as programming languages then maybe there's a chance i love it like 60%. otherwise, no. nada. urgh.

- some say i'm good at it, my classmates and college professors believe i'm good at it. BUT I DON'T. you know, there has to be an agreement between you and the world before you can admit you're good at something. and i'm breaking that balance. confidence is a big thing huh?

- somehow i do it for food cos technically, i'm getting paid a steady amount of income. but i definitely won't go around the streets looking like a hobo, carrying a sign "will program for food". the horror man. the horror.

joker said that if you're good at something, never do it for free. but i daresay that if you're doing something you don't like for a living, charge higher. eventually you'll need the buffer on mental and emotional stress medication.

and finally, if i ever stopped programming, i'm pretty confident that NO ONE WILL CARE (well, HRs are default). in fact, I WON'T.

whew. how come this item is so easy?

daily news flash? i'm at the wrong path buddies! that, or i just need some kind of motivation or something or NOT.

2. writing - blogging, reviewing, freelancing blah

- i love doing it. period!

- i think i'm good at it. not really good, but good enough to still be able to feed this thing since 2004 hahaha. writing for me has a lot of perks... so far my writing has rewarded me a lot already... lemme go through them... boxes of coffee, movie ticketsssss, cash, paypal funds, gift checks, invites...etc! and all of them made me soooo happy. >XD

- can i do it for food? definitely! i don't know why, but i think i can live off as a poor writer or something. WAHAHAHA i'm imagining if ever it happened, i'll dedicate myself to publishing this one twisted story i have in mind. running and pleading over publishers to take a look at my story and invest! hahahaha

if i ever stopped writing i know not even a fraction of the world will be affected. direct effects only reflect on my paypal funds hahaha but it's gonna be extremely hard for me to give writing up. even though i've gone 9 years without establishing a steady readership, in the first place, i never wrote to please anyone. this abode is all for myself apparently and and, it will hurt so much if it goes down. huhu

with that i could say i'm 70% passionate about blogging, and 30% passionate in blog monetizing. hahaha >XD

3. drawing, illustrating, designing, blah

- i super duper love doing it. even though i don't draw as much as a write, i guess i can say i never draw mindlessly? or something. hahaha

- i'm good at it! i know i'm good at it. and i believe i have a lot of my friends' support on this. i'm good. and i want to be better.

- heck i can do it for free. but it woudn't hurt to charge. haha >XD

if i quit this. i might as well die. i'll never be more appreciated anywhere else.

this is it goys. this is what i want. what i love. what i want to pursue (in my dreams). i want to be a great illustrator, artist, layout designer. art makes me feel alive! wherever i go, it seems like i'm always being remembered as the artist. and it sucks that until now, i'm still not the artist that i want to be.

here's the sad part though. i don't think i can pursue it anytime soon, for practical reasons. yeah right. yeah right.

sucks right? i mean, if i want to land on a pot of gold in this field, i have to invest a pot of gold as well. and right now, i only have a pot. arts, baby.

ah the trend? i feel like the relationship between passion and income is indirectly proportional. hahaha it's like, i can program for a hundred bucks, write for food, and draw for free. see that? haha