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i'm jealous again...-_-;;

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this is the first time i felt this kind of feeling... because duh.. this is the first time i encountered this situation...-_-;;

maybe i'm close to being a rebel child... beat the crap outta me and i'll kill myself... remember my stupid attempt to actually end my life? damn.. that's the most stupid thing that ever came to my mind... to actually doze myself to death with a hairclip...

stupid stupid.

who am i jealous with? it's not just a who... it's a group of people my father is managing... since he is now a unit manager... i suppose most of his income goes to 1) paying ammortizations, taxes, and other debts 2)our tuition fees and 3) his agents' luxuries!

every week we are feeding more than ten people in the house... and that's the only day we're cooking food better than our usual daing for breakfast, sabaw for lunch and nothing for dinner...
although i enjoy the good food we serve when they're here... it seems like it's the only occasion where we get to prepare something better!

every outing, overnights and stuff... they're always there! i can't spend a single outing just with my family!
our car gets loaded not with our baggages but with them!
they fill our house every week and still i don't think they're getting the right motivation to work harder! earn more! and give back what we really deserve...

blah... i don't hate them...
i just don't like the idea of spending every luxurious event for them not for us... it's like WE are supposed to please them when what real life demands is the vice versa of it...

see my point... by now you might think i'm the afflicted one but no... this jealousy is just out of place... i'm just ranting my blahs out...