wimp

when will i ever get the courage to publish my drafts?

drafts as in blog entries i decided to keep from everyone because they're too confidential. like ano, love, ganon. chaka yung kay JM din pala, cos when he mentioned my blog once i panicked so i hid everything that has to do with him WAHAHAHA i was reading my drafts awhile ago and noticed how dead-smitten i was with my first love. i was laughing at my entries grabe. ako? nasulat ko yon? meee? honestly, i'm ashamed because i think i'm too old to be only experiencing this NOW. late bloomer amp. looking back, i wasn't as interested in the concept of love as i am now. yey dalaga na meeeeeeh. yehey. okaaaaay?

argh. i dunno why i'm such a kid when it comes to this. noob. nyarhghgashladha 

back to my drafts. they're a lot, i realized! and i'm tryna clean em up, so i'm going about checking if they're just crap entries or what. anyway. yown. 

btw, i have a crush on DJ and youth pastor Jordan Escusa of Perfect Rhythm, 702 DZAS. everytime we drive to church, he's on air. ♥ ♥ ♥ ganda ng boses ♥ ♥

hmmmmmm.

still not done with Flipped (Wendelin Van Draanen). so far, so.. hmm, not so interesting hehe. it's cute. but not really my type of story. maybe The Book Thief will interest me more, i'm soooo egzayted. >8D >8D

fuckyeahsick

my friends are inviting me over for dinner but i couldn't move an inch from my bed. wrong, i couldn't move 10 meters without wanting to drag myself and plop back. it's also my sister's RD today and she wants to go out. i want to go out too! i want to eat world chicken in barbecue sauce, pesto pasta, mashed potato, and strawberry banana blizzard. imma get all these for free if i go out with my sister. but i'm so fucking beat for wheezing my brains out for the past few days.

by the way, i haven't told you how terribly uncompromising my situation was when i was taking the distruc exam. the night before that, i was fb-ing and having fun, then i got sleepy and decided to just alarm at 12mn and study from then onwards. apparently, i woke up 7:45! mommy woke me up to take my meds and asked if i have classes, then i checked the time and panicked. rarrr. in the end, daddy was forced to drive me to school. i came 45 minutes late alright. then as i was answering the exam, my nose kept itching and goo was coming out. i didn't have anything with me to stop the goo. so i was wiping my nose with my collar. if i could only take the exam with my head up, i would. @_@ when i couldn't hold it anymore, i walked out in search of a tissue. the ate from the coop gave me some and i went back happily. >:D anywaaay, for the rest of the exam i had balled tissue stuck in my nose. it helped. super. @_@

ok. ang sakit ng ulo ko. i may end up giving in to my cravings after all. >8D

e bat kase

why can't i be someone special to you. you never reserve the dates we've talked about, then you'll go bailing out on the last minute. it happens every time, and i feel stupid for ever looking forward to any of our 'dates'. date as in usapan, for a lack of a better term. last priority apparently. or maybe because we set it on a whim. i don't know. it doesn't really matter.

for someone who didn't study for the final exam, 90 isn't a bad grade. ang yabang ko, thank you. i don't know where i got that 10 mistakes. and apparently, i'm not the highest. bwiset. pero ok lang. >:

naman. nakakainis naman. akdsbvhgadcshavj

yess. malas.

remind me to QUIT posting my plans (or stuff i'm anticipating) in this blog. they never happen.

instead of coming home with a wireless router and 5 grand, i came home with my pants and shoes soaked wet. no money, no router, just rainwater messing up with my mood.

sacrifices.

i was aching to go home after the exam because my eyes were so sore for staying up late last night, i wanted to sleep! but i had to wait a boring 1 hour for a friend of mine to arrive because blah blah blah. charity, yes.

then mam rose asked me if i could be on duty this afternoon cos no SA's gonna be in the lib. that's 200 pesos, if i agreed. but you know, some guy named robin wanted to meet at megamall to buy my phone. of course, between 200 and 5k? duh. so i came to megamall, on time, getting extremely pissed off that the guy wasn't replying. unless he arrives cosplaying as harry potter on a broomstrick, i swear i could skewer him to death for not showing up and for not even texting a single damn thing. badtrip.

grrrrr. my allergy is getting worse. @_@

one last exam and this term is so fucking overrrr. yey.

Lord, my scholarship. please. >:( tenkyowwww!

oh wow

if this day goes well... i'm going home with cash and a wireless router. please Lord, pleaaasse. i'm bothered enough with what's happening, i don't know what to do. grabe, it happened twice already. why Lord, whyyyyy. i want my friends back. you take them away with the most uncompromising situation.

sleeep, be my friend this afternoon.

i miss my bestfriend. >:(

scalowpoas?

yes, and my being slow and and dense isn't going to get me anywhere. hmmmmm so given that i'm such an insensitive creature, i would appreciate it if people would just tell it to me straight. i'm too creative, my assumptions are going to be so out of this world ridiculous and downright improbable that i'd end up taking the safest, most negative side. i've always been like this, and it's hindering me from the kind of social life i wanted to experience.

this is confusing. they say, this is it. but i don't believe it. i was sort of programmed into thinking that if it's too good to be true, it most probably isn't. i was so consumed with my fantasies that when it broke into reality, i lose my grip. this isn't real. maybe i'm just trapped in a second level dream and i must wake up before i die, lest i get stuck in limbo.

hm. calculus was a major pisser. there was not enough time to get through the blasted questions completely. and tomorrow, i'm gonna go fuck another test. this is exactly the reason why i bank so much on my midterm standing. i know my final grade will decline by the time the term is over. haaay.

i wanna know what's up. as in the exact thing behind what's happening in my darned creatively paranoid universe. i should be in control but the outside forces are too, uhm, weird. i don't get it. i simply don't. and when i don't get anything, i turn nega. tell me, please. i'm too dumb for this. fuckyeaaaahhh

drugged

yeah. literally. was supposed to study for calculus the entire day but i ended up spending it with my sister cos it's her rest day today, and i wanted to accompany her cos it's the only day i get to spend an entire day with her. we were supposed to go to megamall to stroll around... BUT we came through a lot of hassles, quarrels which brought me to just leave her and go home. how? we went to the store first to encode her attendance, then we rode straight to megamall. halfway there, her boss texted her that she forgot to encode something else. she got mad  --i dunno, she always does-- at herself, most probably, for ever forgetting that stupid thing that cost her the entire trip. gawd, she's a monster. we got down the bus and had to walk a mile to reach the bus stop so we could go back to the store. she was bickering relentlessly on the way, cursing and shouting and blaaaaah. it was such a shame being with her. i could've tolerated her more, but she suddenly threw her phone on the ground!!!! you don't know how much it hurt it me, seeing her throw her phone carelessly on the pavement, for one thing, I BOUGHT THAT FOR HER. i bought it in replacement of her old phone who died cruelly of excessively being hurled at the floor. i bought it in hopes that whenever she thinks of throwing it out of rage, she'll think of me and put her freaking hand down. apparently she didn't.

she never changed.

the phone spilled open, and i had to pick it up piece by piece. it was a relatively cheap phone but i bought it from my earnings, which isn't big, you know. i shoved the parts into my bag and walked away. she followed closely behind. when we're on the bus, i tried to fix her phone but the keypad was lost, so i just gave it to her. i told her i'm getting off on the way home, and she could well settle her store issues alone. i gave her my umbrella in case it rains.

i got home, and took the entire happening as a chance for me to start studying calculus. i was about to take a bath when she called, and asked me to come with her to the mall. she was trying to make it up to me. i was tired, but i followed her, in case she tries to do anything stupid. at least i'll be there to document it, and laugh at her. she's the type of person who gets guilty over her childish tantrums so easily, and tries to make things up immediately. blah blah blah blah. we're ok now. except that i can't forgive her for buying such an ugly casing for her now battered phone.

okok. i'll study now. jimm's, i'm your slave tonight.