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fuck

/ / / Edit
i thought this is going to be a good comeback. but nooooooo.

i went on hiatus because i was too depressed that my laptop got stolen.
since then, i only did draft entries which i have no intention of publicizing. so technically, i didn't leave blogging.

after 9 drafts, and a month or so.... i'm back...

with swollen eyes, a foul mood and a new layout.

my application for transfer got approved. which means i can now shift/transfer to diliman.
sadly, i didn't pass diliman. i fucking didn't pass the talent test.

but dammit, i really think i deserve it. i'll kill anyone who says i don't deserve to be there. i talked to my workshop teacher and she said that panel probably failed me because i am already under a bachelor's degree and now i want to downgrade to a certificate course.

but fuck! that was the only thing i was hoping for.

i have no decent fallback.
look at them:

a. go back to elbi and continue being a freakin chemical engineering student
b. apply for honorable dismissal and take computer science at FEU-fern college
c. wait for next year's talent test and while waiting, file for residency and cross register for GE subjects at diliman....then work.

i fucking don't know what to do.

pwedeng mamatay????

=_____=;

and now my parents want me to go back to ELBI!!!! tangina.
eh ako naman, i'm considering transferring to FEU na lang since it's nearer and i could just take computer science, at least kahit mahirap... inclined naman ako.

but my freakin parents... T_T


ayoko talaga sukuan ang fine arts but with the way things are, it would be a big waste of time (for me) and money for my parents.

KUNG AKO LANG TALAGA ANG NAG-PAPAARAL SA SARILI KO, I WOULD PURSUE FINE ARTS KAHIT SAN PA KO MAKARATING.

alam nyo yun? gusto ko magtrabaho at magipon ng sariling education fund.

i'm already 18 pero wala pang direksyon ang putang inang buhay kong to.

ayoko na talaga bumalik sa elbi, ayoko na mag chem eng.

pota.


and on top of that, i didn't expect THIS to happen.

parang, i was so worried about the possibility na hindi ako palabasin ng CEAT after passing diliman. i never anticipated that the opposite would happen! and now what?


i fucking don't know what to do.
i could just die of depression you know.

for someone who has just realized what she truly wants to do in life, isang malaking sapaaaak ito para sakin. why is it that i always fail the most important tests of my life!

maybe i'm really not talented enough. or was the test too hard? i don't think i failed on that part.

most probably i failed the mental ability test. ako pa. -__-; 12 minutes, 100 items of abstract reasoning na increasing in difficulty. not my type. pero shet!

tang ina.
gusto ko mag-FEU!



pero wala kaming pera. =___=
i fucking can't stop swearing because feel so damn bad.


kung ttanggapin lang sana ng parents ko na mag-FEU na lang ako.
i would be happier.

then again, walang kaming PERAAAAAA!!!