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a brewing delinquent

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i don't think 'brewing' fits my case good enough, i WAS a delinquent, till i tried fixing my life. but unfortunately, my futile attempts didn't bring me closer to the 'peace' i was trying to achieve. maybe i am bound to be gravely unfit and utterly hopeless in this place. yeah, and it sucks.

i want to shift. yeah, again. after thinking and rethinking and confusing myself more with my mood swings, i want to shift again. let's get real, i may never be able to get out of my city jail of a college, but I CAN TRY. case is, i'm always trying but i've never gotten past the grade requirement... i must have been really stupid you know. and i know i sound so pathetic like this, wanting to shift from a killer course to a relatively laid back one just because i cannot give the demands of my studies which requires one heck of a brain with the right hemisphere functioning a hundred times more active than the left one... if you get what i mean. at least i know in myself that i'm more visual than analytical.

if i shift here i'll be taking devcom, at least there's writing, if not for a bit of literature and the whole thing about fixing my grammar (i've always wanted to write as well) i wouldn't have taken it as a feasible deal. i chose communication arts in the first place but i think i'll learn more at devcom.

fine arts now is becoming a blur. unless after spending a decade wallowing myself in desperately trying to sound and look like an engineer, i decide to take a double degree and register as an undergrad and go through the whole college life torture again... sure, but that is already HIGHLY unlikely, since i'd be struggling to earn money by then.

i hate this. really.