not another entry

there is at least one person who hates me now. but i'm not entirely sure because if he/she's smart enough, he'll soon realize that his/her hate is only short-lived because i am not usually a hate-able (??) person. i'm oftentimes too shy and moral to ever have the power to brew some negative vibes within one person.

clearly, i don't like people hating me. i'm too polite for that. T___T;;

anyway. i'm in the middle of doing our postlab report for physics. and because i didn't understand the experiment that much, i volunteered to my groupmates to do the bulk of the report, which is the discussion part. now i'm trying to squeeze google to give me some enlightenment.

yeheey! i got my debit card already! and lo and behold, it's RED! my favorite color! though to me it looked more like red-orange than red hehe, whatever. another thing! i saw a kipling bag at the centermall! well, it's obviously an imitation but i still want to buy it (heck, like i'll even buy the original one)... they have RED! grrr... i wanna buy it. please please please, for my birthday???? hehe

i want a backpack. T____T;

i didn't think they were serious

but dady says we're gonna buy a laptop tomorrow. i don't know. i don't feel excited about it. because i know, I KNOW, for a fact that my sister was the one who DEMANDED on it. it's not like my parents are doing it out of freewill. they're doing it to save a day full of complaints and childish tantrums from the err, monster. yes, she's a monster. but sometimes she's really nice. but most of the time she's a monster who wouldn't grow up and annoy people with her silly inquiries about the most obvious things in life. dmt.

i don't have money again. i thought i could save lot for this week because i got a sort of refund from my mom from paying most of the rent last month, but i guess i wasn't able to save a lot at all. though i'm still happy because i can now put whatever i have safely on my account. i'm super excited about it i just can't get my hands on it because i don't have enough money for the fare to the center mall, where i'm supposed to pick up my debit card! (eh 20 pesos yun. yuck nagkuripot) my red (personally picked!) express cash debit card! yeeeheeeey.

hehe. i've been crying like a madman since the moment i opened the computer. hehe, i'm on episode 21 of Lovely Complex!! naiiyak na nga ako eh. hahahahaha T____T;

gusto ko ng champorado! yehey

and wait, gusto ko rin pumayat?! pano ba? i think i have to cut off my food allowance and settle with cerels and milk for breakfast, half-rice and masarap na ulam for lunch hehe, and err.. half-rice and gulay for dinner.... hehehe

pero may mas madaling paraan. SUMALI SA ORG! sa isang kupal na org, better yet...soro... tyak na papayat ako nun. like last year. hahahaha

weh.arianne.weh.

hmmm... hindi na ko mangugupal sa mga huling magrereport sakin. i can feel the karma. lam nyo yun, nagaral ako ng madugo pero ang jologs parin nung quiz ko. cge cge, mabait na ko. isa pa, may exam na ko this week at ayoko maconsume ang braincells ko sa pangugupal. ayoko naaa.

wala naman talaga silang matututunan sakin, well wala naman talaga akong gustong ituro sa kanila... nangt-trip lang ako. >___>; sabi ko nga, may mapupulot ka sa lahat ng tao.. kahit yung walang intensyong magturo sayo ng leksyon. ganun naman talaga eh... kaya wag nyong sabihin wala akong kwenta magpareport! hahaha

hm, kung ako ang magrereport sa sarili ko feeling ko wala talaga akong kwenta. haha

hala, nadedepress nanaman ako. hindi dahil dun. feeling ko gusto ko nanaman lumipat. sht.

walking backwards uphill

well i always thought this semester will end rocketing downwards in a blur, but human nature pushes me to find things that will make me happy despite its trivialities.

i know, i don't have a love life. i don't have a crush. i don't have someone to swoon over in my dreams and pursue with all modesty (my style). but i have the world! i never put that into account until now. love makes the world go round. imagine, the closest thing i've felt before love is infatuation and having none of that this semester already drew out every positive charge in me. i'm like, not enthused enough to go through each day. i find it hard to endure without a, a.. well, without someone occupying my mind. grabe naman. haha

this day:

i. i had two applicants report to me this afternoon. one cried, and the other was dead tried. life's like that.

ii. met with my commitee mates to check out LGA. i was with aaron, melvin and jonathan. we walked to LGA. haha, ang layo nakakapagod. but it was already past closing time so the most that we got is a contact detail of some mister.

while walking down we saw a middle aged lady walking BACKWARDS uphill. we were like, ohshit is she crazy or is someone playing with her? some imaginary, unwanted entity. grabe scary, and she was holding plastic bags on both of her arms... maybe she came from the market. whatever. nakakatakot e. hahaha

iii. i skipped tonight's GA because i have a lot to do. hehe :)

iv. pissed off: i wasted 22x3 plus 20x2 plus 12 (go figure) pesos for DVD-Rs! i wanted to burn Lovely Complex already to save disk space but on the first 3 dvds, it didn't work... some unexpected error daw. then on the 3rd and 4th dvd, yeah they worked fine but playback quality is horribly pixelated. grabe. da best parin bumili na lang diba.

v. i'm excited to set aside my savings money and finally get my debit card this weekend! huraaaay. :) hehehehe :D

vi. another review that made my day: from some German reader...

At first I have to say that I hope you can understand what I'm writting here
because I'm from Germany and my english is... Well I would say it's
acceptable.

This story is the most sweetest Story I have ever read! And I've read a lot
of storys.
You have a marvelous write style and each person, who says somthing
different, are in Idiot!
The whole time I saw the story in my mind's eye.
The whole time I was anxious how the story is continued and I felt with
Harry. During the last chapters I even cried and was incredible happy as
everything became good. No other story ever had this affect to me.
But I think what me most pleased at the story was the end. I find it very
good that you don't stop after the Happy End like all the others, but write
that the two die also sometime. I don't know what to say expect that I found
this end beautiful.

Well, I am not very well in writing of reviews. But I hope that you are still
pleased about my comment.

Good bye
Sheireen

it's the first time i actually featured a reader's review. hehe, that's like one of the longest i've gotten so far. yeah, flattering. i love reviews. it makes me happy. but on the downside i feel like it's the only place where my skills get appreciated. well of course, how would i expect myself to be venerated in a field i'm totally foreign (but learning to adapt) to? haha

oh, i love my readers. it's like 2 years after completion and i still get reviews. heart warming!! and most of them don't really mind my gramerrors. hehehe :)

allow me

this has just been one of the most unproductive mondays of my life. well, i planned on studying but i'm not even a quarter halfway. and on the other note, i'm still struggling to draw two nerds on a boxing arena for a teaser assignment. anyway, i'm not sure why i felt depressed (again) awhile ago while watching tv. somethingS have been bothering me lately and they just throw themselves randomly in my thoughts, fckng cruel.

the more i dwell on it, the more i believe my life has no direction after all. i don't seem to be the kind of person who'll do her best to fix a mess she made and make it work the next time. i think i'm someone who'll do greater effort in minimizing the effects of my idiocy then LEAVE it to venture into something that promises lesser mistakes on my part.

it doesn't sound like giving up, to me. it's more like finding the best canvass in which i fit in perfectly. after all, we don't always improve come a second chance.

that's my ideal.
but it's not what's real.
at least, not yet.

incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*