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of java and a looming sense of failure

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dear friends, please bear with me as i (yet again) wallow in self pity and inquire on the purpose of my life, and the reason i'm pursuing this path. lol. i just realized something, YOU CAN'T LEARN EVERYTHING. there are just some things that fill your head to the point of over saturation that you cannot anymore give space to new knowledge. i'm close to believing that a person's learning potential in a given field is limited, especially if that field is not among the special gifts he received from God. ano raw.

i've experienced it once, and i'm experiencing it again. the peak of my java learning curve stops at the concept of inheritance and anything that has to do with classes. the succeeding topics are all but points of a downhill slope. i'm so sure because (much to my shame), i've already received java training before (read here!) and i can't believe i'm stuck at the same spot. but you know i actually found it really cool like, oh my gulay this is the exact topic that got me brain dead. this must really be my limitation! i'm fascinated at how i had to be reminded twice about it. haha

sadly, it's nothing to celebrate about. this could mean that i'm really really not for this and that i should focus my efforts somewhere else. i'm close to making up my mind that if i still break this chance to actually be a 'programmer', then it must be God's way of saying that, child you should study the arts now. i'm looking at CIIT! >XD hahaha

it's depressing how i feel like i'm not going to excel here, yet again.

PS: why the negativity? i could just challenge myself to betterment diba? dibaaa? why. not. >XD