breaking the habit

it kicked me hard. yes it did. and now i am brought back to my senses. i realized a lot of things. sometimes it's not good to be happy all the time. make room for depression because only when you feel it that your mind dwells in reality. realize your mistakes and point them out even before someone else does, it makes it easier for your towering pride. be laid back, only when you have enough time to spare. drink, when you have someone to drink with. eat cake when you're willing to share it with someone else. subscribe to unlimitxt when you want to disturb your phonebook. drink coffee if and only if you need to stay awake for the night. go to astra only for research and the bastarded systemone. never ever do the same mistakes twice. never ever get a singko for the fourth time.

i only felt it now. depression. paranoia. hopelessness.
and i can only but leave the past behind, dwell not on my failures but on things i can do to fix my messed up academic life. it pains me, yes, like an iceberg 90% of me is mourning for my carelessness and regretting all my foolishness and the rest of the 10% is allotted for that ounce of happiness. like a freakin iceberg, i'm setting up a facade. people only see the 10%... the happiness, the fake joy and witness not the sorrow, the incalculable amount of self regret and remorse for my own, my very own mistakes.

i was too distracted to even notice that i'm not anymore walking firmly along the right path.

now, let's give a toast to my *ehem* very untimely resolutions list. :)

1. i will not procastinate
2. i will lessen my ventures into the world wide web and wander only when necessary
3. i will sleep ON TIME. by that i mean, i shall do my best not to stay any later than 10pm.
4. with regards to that, i will also lessen my coffee intake (and you know how much it pains me to do this)
5. i will ATTEND my classess diligently even though the attendance is not part of the grading system
6. i will not sleep inside the class
7. i will do my homeworks immediately
8. i will drink my vitamins and milk everyday
9. i will eat healthy foods and will watch out for my diet
and of course, without the last premise i cannot do all of those
10. i will/shall/must PRAY everyday. no matter what happens!

that's what i've been lacking these days. my personal connection to God has weakened ever since i became too exhausted with my previous schedule. but now, i'll definitely give due time for a prayer. i need to improve my well being. a lot, man. :)

Lord, help me now.

heto na...heto na...

i received an email regarding my preliminary schedule for 2nd sem.
haaaay, 11 units lang ako dahil nacancel ang math37 ko... duh. shempre dahil singko ako sa 36. at dahil dyan...

prerog ang kasagutan! :((
nyak.

Lord, help me.
hindi pa naman ako dismissed diba???? :(
14 is just 1 unit close to 15. and 15 out of 20 units failed = dismissed. >___>

Lord, help meeeeeee.

marimar marimar marimar... ♥

the whole family is addicted to it! what can i say, joyce bernal yan eh! everything is perfect! imagine a reknowed movie director do wonders on a TV series! i could just see each episode with film like quality... omaygad. >____> i'm fantasizing with my own Sergio. @_@

much more, i'm once again caught in gerald santos' music. he sings like he's serenading you with his sweet ballads. his songs are heartwarming (not to mention heart-melting too) and sincere. i haven't heard someone sing better than he does. man, i'm getting frustrated with downloading a decent mp3 of his song 'mahal kita'...from marimar of course. i want to have his version of 'huwag ka lang mawawala' as well.... grrrr... >_>

to all the staff of marimar, please release a Marimar OST SOOOOOOON. it's killing me. better yet, please produce another album for Gerald Santos. ♥ ♥

when i get married (err, someday), i wish to get Gerald Santos as our wedding singer. ^______^

ngek. kinikilig parin ako! >____>;
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

g'morning

i wish this blog had been filled with more sensible posts. then again, you'd hardly get that from me. bwahahahaha. i miss my friends. berimats. whew. i'm getting fatter and fatter by the minute! i should've joined my parents and sister at crossroads 77 today for the dawn watch, a small ministry at the top of the building. they always go there to pray then afterwards head to qc memorial circle to exercise. there in the park is a bounded area where people congregate to dance their way to fitness! you pay twenty and get a ticket then go in and do taebo!!! there's an instructor there on the stage and people just go follow him and his fat burning steps. man, i need to workout!!!! >_>

omaygad, Sergio is my new crush! Marimar just seems to get hotter and hotter by each episode! man, i would love to have my own Sergio. his hands are big! he can just hug you tight and you'd feel safe for the rest of your life! haaay ♥ owkamownaw.

games galore! yeheeeey

i'm making the most of my sembreak by drowning myself in games! thanks to my roommate, i have acquired two brand new cool games to play here in the computer, straight from her desktop...which is in our room hehehe.

the one is Zuma, exactly like tumblebugs, only with a different theme and no bugs. i'm on level 8, utterly frustrated to go through the third of the 7 parts without exhausting my life line. >_> one more level to go before i finally get that, uhhh, Zuma's incentive. whatever. >_>

the other one is an installment of Mystery Case Files: Ravenhearst Manor. this one's pretty cool too, it's not kiddy... it's a seek-and-find game with puzzles. yehey, i'm enjoying the gaaameeess.

hehehe. have i told you i fancy new notebooks? i love checking them out in bookstores... feeling the paper, evaluating if my penmanship would be good on that brand. hahahaha, freak freak. >_> i'm over with cattleya, i figured no matter how hard i try, my penmanship would suck there and i will left unmotivated to take down notes on it. maybe it's psychological, or maarte lang ako sa notebook. wahehehehe. but all my notebooks last sem (except my math notebook) is cattleya and the sem ended with my notes not on my notebooks, but on scatch papers... that got lost, thrown and crumpled. i don't really recall. >_> and my math notebook? it's my proudest notebook so far, because my notes are really clean there. it's avanti i guess. seeee? hahaha. this is pointless.

i just want to tell you i'm excited to start the second sem and christen my new notebook (a big refillable one!) with my first subject... uhh, hopefully math37. :)

come on zen!

i came across a back-up cd just now and i'm delighted to see some of the files i deemed lost forever were luckily saved! after losing my amelie soundtrack, i got depressed over the thought of downloading the whole 20 tracks again... that would take me forver, given a very FAST 46.6 kb/sec internet connection... >_> but then i saw a folder named 'amelie' and saw all the 20 tracks there! saved! yehey! then there are some application installers too! and a couple of games! i thought i had lost them already! thank goodness... yehey!

i have a lot of mp3s on that folder. man, ity only triggered my desire to purchase the Creative Zen. only ebay has it. ebay philippines, man. and i could only wonder how the seller got it when it has never been released here. connections, duh. probably from someone in the states or somewhere else. it really shouldn't rock me big time. >_>

man, i have to buy that 11K worth of mechanical treasure. and i can't do so without sweeping clean my entire savings for the semester. >_> i wanna buy it now dammit! T__T;

apparently, my mom confirmed i have allergies... like my sister. i've been sneezing ever since the start of the first sem and i don't seem to run out of colds for that matter. my health has gone terribly bad.

and it all started when i took the summer class. >_> remember i had to endure 2 months inside a hellish NEWLY-PAINTED dormitory? yeah, man i must have inhaled all the paint and aquired a lot of boysen deposits in my lungs. >_>

i don't like being unhealthy. >_>

i am craving for pandesal!!!!
daddy, go home now! >_>

owkamownaw

i thank God for today. even though most of you would consider this really terrible, i still thank God... because i finally have the sembreak for myself! :D

heeeryagow:

♠ math36 - 5
i took the removals exam awhile ago and it was freakin hard! and i thought the removals are always always easier than the finals. i should've studied during the finals na lang sana diba? so with no further delay, i now declare my grade to be 5. thankyouverymuch.
♠ chem32 - 5
my lab instructor said so... even without the classcards out. it pretty obvious anyway
♠ chem40 - 5
as posted outside her unwelcoming faculty room


but then again, i am not awfully depressed. all of those were expected. i made a mental note to myself not to expect anything higher than a 4. and indeed.

according to the student's handbook, if a student fails 75% of her workload on a semester, he/she shall be DISMISSED FROM THE UNIVERSITY.
and if my calculator serves me right, because i don't believe in my mathematical skills anymore, i am 1 UNIT close to being dismissed (in short. goodbye UP! or face the grim process of readmission- conditional pa yun.waaah!).

out of the 20 units i took this semester, i only passed 6 units (with earth-rocketing colors pa yun ha. in short-mababa.)!

math36 is 5 units
chem32 is another 5
chem40 thankgoodness is only 4units even though it has a freakin laboratory subject.

14 units!
triple warning for the OSA!
i'm on probation nooooowww!!!!

and there's no hope of me transferring because even if i get a GWA of 1.00000 next sem, my overall GWA would still lie between 2.5 - 3.0 and that's not going to put up a good competition among the mob of tranferees on my preferred course in diliman.

i'm stuck. dammit. stuck in this,errr, bars that i've unconsciously jailed myself in.
i'm stuck! yeahboi.

and everytime i think of it, i feel like shit. especially that i have an org, and the people there are (may i borrow this term) uberly academic conscious that i think of myself unworthy to be part of the pack. now i'm being regretful. now i don't EVER want to see any of them again. fuck. i shouldnt've have joined this sem. it would be a shame. as i've always mentioned before, i don't like the way they brag about their towering academic acomplishments... if you were in my shoes, you'd feel the ground softening into a quicksand, swallowing you alive. yeah, and they won't notice, because you don't have a plackard saying you got a 1.0 on chem40. fuckitall.

then again, i'm glad....weh. :)
i'm happy actually. i want a medium sized m&m stormblaze from snowstorm. and that big acryl refillable notebook from national bookstore.

which reminds me, i still have to go back home.
back.home.

*dear mommy and daddy, sorry for wasting your money. >_> can i just file for LOA and work? i think i'm better off as an OSY, selling dried mangoes on the bus, handing down a piece paper on the passengers which says, "HI, I'M ARIANNE, AN OUT OF SCHOOL YOUTH. I AM HERE TO SELL YOU SPECIALLY MADE DRIED MANGOES. FRESH FROM THE TREE..blahblahblah"

or maybe i'll just go sell makeups, bras and undies from AVON. >_> i'm sure i'll be earning more than you wasted paying for my blasted tuition fee.

*wahahaha JOKE!

part of why i slacked-off is that my parents don't mind if get a 5. they actually stop me from studying when i look like i've burned what's left of my eyebrows!
wahehhehehehhe.... thank yoouuu mommy and daddy!!! i love youuuu!!!! :D :D

okokokokokok.
i'll go home na!!
ice cream! ice cream!
yeaaah!!!