get well soon besp! >:)

i'm having problems with my schedule. and it's because of DIGICIRRRR. i specially enrolled in that class to give enough time for work. then we were advised to either transfer sections, have sunday classes, or agree to have another prof handle the subject.

ACTUALLY. the best option is the third one. i mean, why do you think we enrolled in that class? DUH. it's the SCHEDUUUULE. i don't care about a new prof. i don't want my work schedule compromised. grrr...

we were dismissed early, and as promised, i went to pay a visit to my bestfriend who's currently confined with a dislocated elbow. i missed him!!! >:D it's the first time i saw him in, errrr, months, tapos sa ganong kalagayan pa o. haha

sorry but that's kinda not the best part of this day yet (2nd best siguro HAHA). the best part was, RAAAAAIIINNNN!!!! whew grabeee! tita sola and karol let me watch videos during his concert here recently.  WAAAAHHH GRABEEEE PWEDENG HIMATAYEEEEN?!?!?! i don't even know his songs. but i've been crushing on him ever since full house. tapos pabalik-balik na lang kung san ko sya makita. but the feeling is still there! INTEEEEENSEEE ITOOOO!!!! bat ganto mehn?! >:) ang sarap kiligin ng bonggang bongga. >8D

raaaaaaiiiinnn ♥♥

yess, ansungit ko tlga. >:)

see, i knew it. this blog is cursed. my phone hasn't been sold yet, my odesk career is still a blur, and I'M GOING TO EK TOMORROW. try stopping that.

btw, i got my grades already! thank you Lordddd cos i'm still a scholar. i feel bad though cos i wanted to be a full scholar but I'M ALWAYS A SPOT SHORT. i'm the top partial scholar, which means, i'm one rank behind being a full scholar. but my grades actually slipped 0.03 points. thank you parin Lord. >:)

dear Lord. i'm actually quite envious of the full scholars. BUT i try to fight the feeling by being friends with them. HAHA help meeee.

ang sakit ng ulo ko deym. >:(


i felt a bit guilty about interested buyer #2563 (random number). but the thing is, he kept on asking me out. and i mean SERIOUS business, he knows that. it was a mistake giving out our landline to him, he kept on calling even though i warned him to text first before any calls. thus, i got really hostile at him. like:

IB #2563: hi
me: o
IB: ano, nabenta mo na?
me: oo
IB: so...
me: hindi mo na ko kelangan tawagan
IB: sige, salamat a
*hangs up*

see, i even had to lie just to shut him off.

a kasi ganito yan

i thought i already ate my words when i said i didn't want to know anything that could jeopardize close friendships. but now, i'm back to being at it. for feeling regretful that i was ever curious. >:| i want to bring back the times but i couldn't. once or twice, it doesn't matter, it's the same dreadful feeling. and as much as i can avoid it, I WOULD. >:(

here are my hatest feelings in the world, in no particular order:

1. mukang tanga - not doing anything when everyone else is busy. feeling genuinely happy and thrilled about something that's actually a lie, specially with your friends as the fabricators. assuming something, that has been born as a fictional idea, into reality, therefore making yourself a victim of your own illusions.

2. guilt - it gets in the way of everything. to avoid this, i try to be GOOD. as in 'generally' good so as not to harness such unnecessary and crippling emotion.

3. helplessness - my ego's quite big for a girl. i'm not sure. but i hate looking helpless, or being offered help, right when i know i can do the damn thing better than the one offering it. i'm no damsel in distress (you should know how much i hate em). i need no knight in shining armor. i hate knights in shining armors. all they care about is whether they've shown enough of their masculinity to the world, and what better way to flaunt it than to help poor, weak girls who can't carry their own asses. PLUS they can't do without horses. it's part of the package. haha don't get me wrong, i appreciate all acts of kindness/concern. i just hate looking weak. that's all. but i like gentlemen, of course.

4. ilang - i don't know my way around it. i hate it because it makes me want to hide and not see the person for a long and indefinite amount of time.... until the feeling has subsided. or we both have died. LOL sucks a lot fighting it. i'd rather hide, seriously.

30 minutes

blogging from school, while working. hehehe

it's really a privilege working as an enrollment SA. for one, you get free food (2 snacks and a lunch). then you get paid full time. there's no low down at times like these, after all, i enjoy being busy. i've just gotten my schedule, thanks to dan for enlisting me >:) aaaaand, looks like i can't maximize my work hours to 20 per week. :( the most i could get is 18 hours, including saturdays. and i know mom's gonna protest, so i dunno, i'll try to cook up a good excuse for that. thing is, i can't afford to not work on a saturday cos that's gonna cost me 4 hours of wage! accumulated, that's minus 800 a month. and i need money. for personal reasons of course... like a laptop, a digicam, and the monthly internet bill. LOL

so, i'm planning on working someplace else, like, AT HOME. LOL my odesk payroll card has been sitting in my wallet for months and i haven't written anything freelance. unless i get too busy, then we'll see. :)

i really wanted to try working there. God knows i need to start saving, SERIOUSLY.

and it occurred to me that this blog is cursed. i did remind myself to quit posting future plans and stuff BUT this time, i wanna see if it's for real. imma break that stupid and silly paranoid curse i fabricated to scare the gits out of me. >:|

now we're down to 20 minutes. :)

later, probably. >:)

ok. hinga muna. then chiiiiilllll. whew

again. when will i ever get over the pettiest things?
hmm, can i break my promise? it's JM. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
flipped is the new word. it sounds better than giddy and twiterpatted.



ok. he still hurts me. unconsciously. of course, it would've been different if he knew. i mean, if i weren't too shy about having a major major crush on him. i know he knows. but deym i'm too shy. and every time i'm with him i alwaaaays pretend to be crushing on someone else, or at every cute guy in school JUST SO he would think my having a crush on him isn't a big deal. i want him to think, so what if she likes me? she likes everyone else anyway. ugh. but sometimes i regret acting that way. sometimes i think if i acted a bit more uhm, comfortable or unshy or sige na nga MALANDI, he would've dropped the hint and made a move. or something. maybe not. ilusyonadang weirdo.

but really. you know what hurts me? MEOW!!!!
most of the time i seriously he think he doesn't like me. for one, MEOW!!!