truth overload

the truth has never hurt me this bad. i feel pissed because this is where our friendship starts to wear off. it's hard to bring back the old times. it's hard to fake it all. even for the sake of preserving our friendship. i feel disappointed that i was misjudged, misunderstood and betrayed by the people i trusted too much, by the people i'm expecting to understand, by the people i assumed to know who i am... naturally. 

i dunno! let's not dwell on that. i'm done crying over it. 

currently. hacking my creative zen's hardware in hopes of resolving this white screen of death issue. my player looks cruelly battered now cos i'm cracking it open via a nipper! no better tools here what can i dooooo. if this works, i'm gonna cherish this player forever. i'm about to sell it at ebay with a white screen hardware defect, but i thought, if i could fix it, i wouldn't sell it anymore. besides, i don't wanna buy another player. 

btw, i'm selling my LG KP500 for 5K. who wants? see my listing at ebay. LOL search it over. i'm damn lazy.

hehe

right. still have some lousy programming to do.

sabaw @_@

i want to drink. seriously. i miss the feeling of getting dizzy and drunk and just being crazy with my friends. i miss being light-headed cos recently i've just entered a state of paranoia regarding my crush. don't i always? but it's weirder this time. no, it's the same. the same delusions. the same hurt. it's all the same. why. i fail so much.

jec has been a really helpful friend right now cos i can trust him. when i wrote 'trust', i actually felt a sting of dismay, not with him of course. gawdemit memories. he's a fucking good listener. i dunno if he ever gets pissed with my rantings but i seriously consider him as one of my most trusted friends. i hope he doesn't get tired of me constantly babbling about my crushes. lol

i got home really tired. practice wasn't really tiring on my part, i just had to sit there and comment. i don't even know why i have to always be present, but i like it. who knows. and fuck i won't be able to watch the entire play because of work. fucking piss.

the last thing i remember last night was me eating pizza and dozing off to sleep. wasn't able to go where i was supposed to. greenwich > pizza hut. srsly.

ah ok i know now. i was awake the entire yesterday because of the playbill and much as i would like to sell it to compensate for my efforts and lack of sleep, and mostly to have money for an afterparty, they're giving it for free. that kinda disappointed me but what can i do. which reminds me, i have to work on a hundred-fifty copies of those tonight. hay.

i'm tired. but i'm not complaining. i asked for this. i'm happy i'm helping out. yehey!

fuckyeah done

here's what ate up my entire night: an eight-paged playbill i made out of a cup of coffee and a bad headache. i'm not trying to be humble here for gawdsake, but my sister says this is prettier and more theater-material compared to my previous poster design. it's a poster and a playbill cover design in one, actually.

hay. the consequences of not drafting and brainstorming before hitting photoshop. @_@

so while the caffeine is still actively kicking in my nervous system, i'll go continue reading Master of the Game (see reading list to your right). I'M ALMOST HALFWAY LOL

is wheezing her brains out

perfect health. that's all i need right now. i could trade everything for it. i hate getting sick! i used to be really healthy! that was before i spent an entire summer at a newly painted dormitory 3 years back. i must've inhaled all the paint gas and had toxic deposits in my lungs. since then , i easily get colds. fuck.

heyhey! above is a picture of my bulletin board duh. it's pretty cluttered but i like it that way LOL

actually i only have two major things to do right now, and they're all ORGWORK. wow. i've never been this busy on extra curricular stuff, then again, ever since i transferred to fern, co-curricular stuff never gets me busy. at least not this busy. hehe

1. play bill - just how do you call a playbill a playbill when it has no sponsors? i suggested this for the sake of post-promotion. never thought i would be handling the entire content though (and layout). anyway, no one has ever encountered a playbill in our group before. and i'm pretty much on the advantage (no. not really) for having watched numerous theatrical productions at UPLB.

2. a 6-8 paged essay on UPRIGHTNESS. it's for the FEU-ACP Essay Writing contest which i'm so gonna curse to hell if it takes another 6 hours from my sleep-schedule. and knowing me, it might even take 8. as members of that writing org chuvaness at school, we were required to participate in this. tell you what, i really wanted to join this ever since it was posted, but i never got the time to do proper research. well, i did, i borrowed a compilation of winning essays from the previous years and thought there was nothing special with it. not that i could write better, but it was boring. nothing striking. maybe it's because of the theme. >:| ewan. i might not do this after all. tinatamad ako mehn. T_T;

asdkbgavsdcuajk

i feel like people are overestimating my problems. HAHA sorry naman if my biggest problem right now is my CRUSH. did that disappoint you? am i not entitled to worry about such a trivial thing? did it strike you as you as odd that i'm worrying about something that you wouldn't think worried me in the first place?! do i look like i'm too old for this? (i know, yes. but, reallllyyyy???!?!?!!!)

ok. i've warned you enough. if you think my problem is big, it's thrice smaller in reality. i'm always exaggerating here. you should get yourself used to it.

i've been wailing tearlessly ever since i knew about it! and now people think like i have a problem with my boyfriend (my non-existent one). the truth is, if it looks like i have a problem with my boyfriend, in reality the problem is about my crush. if it looks like i'm getting my husband annulled, in reality i may be breaking up with my boyfriend. there's a pattern. thrice smaller than it seems. be aware. hehe 

WALA AKONG MAKWENTOHAN. pero ayoko naman magkwento kahit kanino lang! nakakinis kasi pag feeling nila, ang liit liit lang ng problema mo. >:( yoko na. masyado kong iniisip yung iniisip nya saken nung nalaman nya. rarrr