i need friends who have the same level of freedom my parents give me

that's what i've realized this day. seems like even though i want to hang out with my favorite people, they're not always free. and even though i'm racking my mind for people i can dial up in the most uncompromising times, i always end up being hesitant. they might be sleeping already, they might be busy, they might not have time for me, or they probably wouldn't be interested enough with what i have to say.

sometimes, even with the number of friends i have, at the end of day i couldn't find someone whom i could run to without notice. i feel like such a loner. if there is just one person whom i could text about anything, talk about anything, call at any hour, drag anywhere spontaneously, listen to me rant and rave, and visit home short-noticed... i could bear to lose everything else. kidding. but, point taken? just one person. it doesn't have to be a guy for gawdsake, but since i already sound like someone yearning for such... k, fine. whatever you give me, Lord.

i don't easily open up. there has to be a certain level of trust i feel with any close friend of mine before i totally spill. and not just that, it has to be mutual. i so miss the people in UPLB i'm literally in tears now. they're like the last people i've ever had sensible talks with. we're equally free and our brains jive. i get so much sense and affirmation talking to them. when will i ever get these kind of people back? my housemates, kat and july. i fucking miss you all, i'm crying while typing this. i need you. uhhh, for the reason that i haven't been into an intellectually stimulating conversation lately. and also for the reason that you're one of the best listeners i know. >:(

hey you know what, i like psychologists. they're equally sensible and you'll learn alot about yourself. it would be great to have a psychologist friend whom i can run to to psychoanalyze my problems. fuckyeah, last resort. LOL which reminds me, i actually have one. >XD

i want to take this chance to thank my bestfriend for allowing me to barge in their house at 10pm. and even though i wasn't able to really spill, cos errrr you knoooow, it's really heartwarming that she responded to my call (err tweet, actually) and reminded me that afterall, there's still someone willing to listen. that's what i needed, assurance of interest. i wouldn't turn to someone who doesn't care, even if i want to. hehe

it's 3am. i had carbonara and coffee crumble ice cream for dinner. i can't sleep. but i will. good mornight.

i make my own issues

i'm close to proclaiming facebook as the spawn of the devil. or part of the illuminati or some new world order cult. i mean, lady gaga is one, so facebook is most probably its minion, including google. and they're taking over the world. what if, everything that's going mainstream is involved in this whole NWO conspiracy? how about Justin Bieber (i never liked him but he's all over the place)? uhm, and Glee? apparently, media is "the" tool. everything the NWO people endorses includes subliminal messages and patterns that hypnotize us into patronizing it with such fervor, all to the point of worship.

Lord, i may be paranoid but the implications are alarming. we are violating your commandments by being swayed by these "idols".

dear Lord, thank you, because today, I RECEIVED MY SALAREEEEH!!! >XD >XD okaaaay, it's not too big, but it's accumulating. it's quite a miracle that i was able to cut down on expenses lately, no new items. i usually just buy what's running out in my bathroom. and not that i'm a spendthrift either, my friend actually noticed that i'm kinda thrifty. my rule is: you can cut down on anything, just don't starve yourself.

oh yeah, i have an exception... i'm impulsive when it comes to ballpens. hehe so there, food and uhm, ballpens. haha

today was great! had lunch at Mang Inasal with chamel, saycee, raph, yannah and neil. came for the UNLI RICE shempre. BWAHAHAHA we had a contest among ourselves, he/she who eats the most rice shall get errr, an imaginary prize. Raph did! CONGRATS!  tsk, neil and i were 1 rice short! sayaaang LOL

after lunch, came back to school extremely bloated and light headed. i wanted to sleep already, but we still had to play. anyway... we didn't, we just talked it over with our group, and then allowed some of our groupmates to play kunyari, but we already settled our grades HAHA tamad much.

i'm sleepy. goodnight! >:)

PS: i have a feeling that he doesn't care about me anymore, maybe because he noticed that i do too. errr kindof. at least he got what i meant... uhm, and responded correctly...in the way i want him to. facebook will be my eye, and no matter how much i'm wallowing in my masochistic tendencies of annoying myself everytime i jump into his profile, i'll continue to do so HAHA because, uhmm, because much as i hate to admit it, i still care. a bit. a tiny bit. or maybe i don't. i'm just curious. sounds better. you know the quoted line "i never stopped loving you, i only stopped showing it"...? that perfectly fits my case, before... like a month back HAHA but now it's just, hmmmm, "i don't care." haha

i'll get over you soon. promise. >:)
over over na pagka-crush ito!

feel good music >:)

slept at 8, woke up unwillingly at 2. now i can't get my sleep back. which is why i opted to have an early breakfast, bread and coffee. then i realized something funky on the bread, which is molds, so now i only have coffee, uhm, and internet. 

btw, you don't know how much courage it took me to fetch this friggin laptop from the basement. there were two cockroaches on the stairs, one dead and one alarmingly alive with its antennas waving like crazy, who knows if it flies? gaaaaawd. i'm deathly afraid of cockroaches, flying at worst. uhhhhh, generally speaking i hate bugs (for the majority of the world, who doesn't?!).

errr. i'm bored. i'm not sleepy. i wish the water's back. i wanna take a bath already. T_T;

a fine frenzy

it reminds me of 500 days of summer!

ok. i haven't started doing my homeworkS, but i'll get there soon. just let me list the 3 things i'm saving my salary for:

1. digicam
2. TV for my room
3. dvd player

that's all, thank you. 25k max. donate? SHOR >:) when the hell am i going to save that much? ayoko mag-compute! but i want them before october >:)

wala lang, i cleaned my room awhile ago and i find that it's still pretty empty so i thought a TV would do, HAHAHA

PS: i want a typography layout. hmmm, will work on it soon. >:)

hmmm

i never actually thought i was helping enough, but thank you for appreciating my efforts. >:) the hardest thing i did was type, so it doesn't really feel like i did a lot already. yeah, i made a proposal letter, created an ending for one play, wrote stuff but those only took me less than an hour each, and re-typing the 2 plays took me 5++ hours (including facebook breaks) so that's more effort on my part hahaha

i have a problem. i'm forgetting the things i'm supposed to do. O_O and i'm writing this in hopes of stumbling upon them, one way or another. yeah, through facebook... or just by constantly thinking about it. i just don't fucking remember my homeworks. haaay k, time to bring back my jotterpad. @_@;

lakas maka-haggard ng inet grabe. this day was all about work, AS IN. worked in the morning, bummed around a bit during the afternoon and helped ludrick with whatever, then attended a seminar for SA's.

it's an understatement to call myself busy cos whenever i get home, i drop everything on the bed and sleep. and even with the things i do, somehow i still find myself unoccupied.

the seminar was fun but it took too long. it was supposed to end at 530 but we were dismissed at 8pm. wew huh? good thing daddy waited for me. thank you! love you daddy! happy happy anniv!

speaking of my parent's anniv, i'm listing three things that make their relationship special... or weird. whatever suits you.

1. my mom is 7 years older than my dad
2. they only dated for 3 months then decided to get wed already. and i mean they only knew each other for 3 freaking months. when they were introduced, they started dating already, reto-reto kasi e.
3. my dad didn't have ex-girlfriends. in short, my mom was his first and last. for a guy, that's unbelievable. well, my mom had 4, making daddy his 5th and last. haha

i was surprised at number 2, but i gathered the real reason behind it was that my mom was already getting old. she was 30 then and my dad, 23. if you were at my mom's shoes you'd be in a manic obsession to get wed, or engaged, at least. lol i was exaggerating, she wasn't desperate, but she knew she was lagging behind. HAHA

it's a real blessing that their relationship worked out perfectly. i mean, who would've thought 3 months of dating would turn into 22 years of marriage? quite a miracle, if you ask me. thank you Lord for my parents! >:D