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God has better plans for me

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i'm finding it hard to accept that i just lost a job offer at a company i've wanted to work for for so long. i've been waiting for this opportunity since ever. now i don't know where to go, how to continue working. i've lost my programming mojo long ago and it's gonna be tough to gather it all back. it's like torn to pieces and scattered all over argh. i don't even want it back to be honest.

i feel really frkn bad! when i got the offer i felt really excited! sooo excited, but i had to wait until january to be fully available, for practical reasons. but argh the position was urgent and so, and i quote, "the managers decided to identify another candidate who can start immediately."

the tragic (tragic talaga? haha) message found its way to may mailbox first thing in the morning and i couldn't believe my eyes as they start to tear up. all my dreams! all my visions of a better life! gone! (exage ang lola nyo) gone like water receding back into the sea, leaving my legs damp and irritated by the sand. yes, kelangan may pagsasalarawan hehe. if i could only follow it to the ocean. chos.

anyway, life goes on. i can't possibly let myself wallow in misery and self-pity the entire day in the toilet (well i did for a good quarter hour haha), so with all the courage, este tissue, i could harbor, i picked up my ass and went back to my seat. sad and defeated and wanting to die. joke! hahahaha

i trust God. i know all this is for that great plan he has for me! if anything, i learned to address the very reason that brought me to resign in the first place. insecurity. that i'm not competent enough. that i'm lagging behind in knowledge base and that i can't see my worth in this company. earning a job offer in what i consider one of my dream companies to work for surely reminded me that hey arianne, you're good, you're competent and you have something to offer. point taken? good. now we're taking the offer back. !@#$%^&^%$R#E@!

ok. uwi na me!