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i am a free man

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the earthquake in taiwan affected the DSL's in our country, that's why the internet connection here, which uses DSL is quite fucked up. (i'm not sure if it's the real cause of these annoying internet delays but that's what i heard). i don't really mind, except that i can't gain access to blogger during the times i'm itching to update (like now, and if you must know... i'm mailing this entry again). it's just now that i realized the usefulness of the blogger-email feature. it comes in really handy when blogger is slow and the only thing you can open is your mailbox. hahahaha.

so what am i itching to update anyway? you know me, i love updating for no itchy reasons at all. i just... want to write! yey. not about something substantial but rather just about anything random that comes to my mind. and randomness, in my case, can be equated to nonsensical gibberish. you don't have to brace yourself for what lies ahead since there's nothing surprising if i suddenly want to talk nonsense (like i always do). just er.. read.

the more you hate, the more you talk about it. you talk as if he's the worst thing that ever crossed your life. you want to know more unlikely things about him in hopes of looking for a reason to hate him forever when in fact, it's just to cover another fact that he occupies a portion of your mind. he's becoming your personal Zahir and it disgusts you to take it any further. you want to drown yourself with reasons to turn yourself off but as you sink deeper, your senses adapt. you do not struggle anymore, you learn the depths of his soul. but as the book says, the only way to let go of something is to get used to it first. and so you do. you spend time with him, thinking that you'll soon grow fond of him that you won't miss him anymore. and it happens, the spark you once thought would draw hearts in the night sky fades away and you heave a sigh of lightness. it's over.

i just freed myself from my Zahir.

yehey! come on Friday... i'm waiting.