allow me

this has just been one of the most unproductive mondays of my life. well, i planned on studying but i'm not even a quarter halfway. and on the other note, i'm still struggling to draw two nerds on a boxing arena for a teaser assignment. anyway, i'm not sure why i felt depressed (again) awhile ago while watching tv. somethingS have been bothering me lately and they just throw themselves randomly in my thoughts, fckng cruel.

the more i dwell on it, the more i believe my life has no direction after all. i don't seem to be the kind of person who'll do her best to fix a mess she made and make it work the next time. i think i'm someone who'll do greater effort in minimizing the effects of my idiocy then LEAVE it to venture into something that promises lesser mistakes on my part.

it doesn't sound like giving up, to me. it's more like finding the best canvass in which i fit in perfectly. after all, we don't always improve come a second chance.

that's my ideal.
but it's not what's real.
at least, not yet.

incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*

a hundred fifteen point two kbps

there's not much difference after all. multiply sites still load at snail's pace, my gmail account won't update in a flash and games! games! slow parin. >__>;

july's 18th birthday celebration (july 5):

- july, i thought you were just boyish but straight. i confirmed that from you and you said no, no, no, i'm not what you think i am. but during your celebration, i realized there are some things you're still hiding from me... us. not that i need to know, maybe i really shouldn't bother with it. so what if you're gay? so what! tell me naman, pare. ang gulo mo. peace, dude.

- kat came! i missed her. i let her tell stories from her work and her life as a working girl. i missed listening to her. i, in return, didn't share much. my life's been pretty much boring lately. :\

today:

- we left the resort at around 6am. i boarded the bus alone, because kat still have to meet someone from elbi.

- was supposed to follow my parents to church.

- slept and overslept. was supposed to drop off at ortigas but ended up in cubao. good thing the person beside me woke me up. haha

- i was walking to our church now when my mom called me that they're not there and that they took the earlier service because they're going to cavite afterwards. she told me that they're at mall of asia right then, eating breakfast at the break water.

- hehe. so i pleaded them to let me come and follow. i was at north edsa, they're at mall of asia. i insisted hehe so they gave me a deadline of one hour. haha

- i ran to the MRT terminal. grabe ha, magtatagalog na ko ang jologs talaga ng english ko. so yun, define takbo kasi i already saw the train!!!! e baka maiwan ako ayoko maghintay ha.

- so yun, i ran and ran. bought a ticket to taft and was finally able to reach the train on time. so yun.

- bumaba akong taft at nag jeep to MOA. this is actually my first to ride the MRT alone. hehe. ang joketime pa nung card ko ayaw sumout dun sa kung ano man yun. nakakahiya tuloy pero eventually naki-cooperate naman sya. peste.

- so in short, nakahabol ako sa kanila. grabe nakakangarag. ang layo ng nilakad ko sa MOA para lang matunton sila. and in fairness, 20 MINUTES lang inabot ko! sosyal talaga ang MRT ang bilis! hahaha :)

cavite:

- we attended the funeral of one of our relatives. ok naman. :) hehe
- and i met this mute guy who looks like a shorter, darker and thinner version of sylvester stallone. take note: he's mute and he kept doing gestures to me which i don't really get. haller?!?!
- pero may nagets akong dalawa, he asked me if i already have a boyfriend and if i know how to use the computer. no and yes, respectively. wala lang

AYOOON! yun lang naman.

tekatekateka.
honestly, i am not in the mood na mangupal ng aplikante. na-pressure tuloy ako kay kuya jhomar. di ba nila naisip na hindi naman ako consistent na kupal? haaaay. bahala naaaa. hehehe

unbearable information

i. not home yet! :) i'll be attending july's birthday celebration tomorrow that's why i'm staying here tonight. hopefully, kat will come. i miss her. :(

ii. after physics, i went with glaize and july to makiling dorm. tambay. and this is where i got most of the unbearable information of this day. it really surprised me, like heeeeell. i never knew. i wish i never knew at all. but it just proves how deceiving this world can be and how helpful it is to sometimes just leave the truth screened. as what my chem32 lecture recently taught me, the truth is unknown but it exists. :) true enough. reminds me of my rashomon paper for my speechcom subject last year. :)

iii. i haven't been very productive lately. in terms of acads, i do slack off a little just to sleep. but sometimes, when i self study our lessons and i actually got it, i feel fulfilled and my ego gets bolstered up. finally, i'm not dumb afterall.

iv. my housemate is inviting me to join another organization. this time, a CAS based acad-org. i'm still contemplating on it. :) i do want more friends. :)

v. i do admit i'm weird. :)

boring -__-;

nothing interesting has happened since the last time i updated. >___>; i'm boooorred. i'm not studying really hard, though i keep it a point to study everyday, even though it means just flipping a few pages and dozing off afterwards. i slept more that enough for this day! i had a 45 minute siesta this afternoon and slept for 3 hours when i got back from my last class. it's really rewarding, sleep, i mean. :)

tomorrow's another day. i'm grateful i don't have to wake up at 530 for my 7am class. my first class it at 830.

i'm trying to fix my no-breakfast lifestyle too. i've been feeding on cereals every morning since the semester started. it helps, yeah, but it makes me sleepy during my first classes, which isn't good. but i like cereals. it's the only chance i get to drink milk. because i don't usually do. hehe :)

hmm. we had our orientation yesterday. it was too hot, i personally prefer KFC over ellens demarses, never mind if i had to stand up, as long at it's cool. haha i also gave my gift to july which is a starbucks tumbler, and also gave kuya noreens a gc from starbucks as well. wala na kong utang ok? >:) hay

yesterday too, before heading to the orientation, we dropped by our previous dorm to get our refunds! yeaaah! refunds! i got around 1,400. which isn't what i expected, i thought it's too small. but i was so happy! then news came later that we have to pay for the rent already! sucks,man! and that's 1700! so i have to add 300 pa. huhuhu, wala na akong peraaaaa! grr...

so yun, ok naman pala ang hum2. :) akala ko loner na ko forever, pero i have my groupmates naman so i'm fine. hahahaha :)

gusto ko na umuwi, kaso kailangan ko pa pumunta sa debut ni july. well, gusto ko! kasi makikita ko si kat hehe. pero damn, kailangan ko ng pera. huhuhuhu >_____>;;