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Friday, March 28, 2014

of java and a looming sense of failure

dear friends, please bear with me as i (yet again) wallow in self pity and inquire on the purpose of my life, and the reason i'm pursuing this path. lol. i just realized something, YOU CAN'T LEARN EVERYTHING. there are just some things that fill your head to the point of over saturation that you cannot anymore give space to new knowledge. i'm close to believing that a person's learning potential in a given field is limited, especially if that field is not among the special gifts he received from God. ano raw.

i've experienced it once, and i'm experiencing it again. the peak of my java learning curve stops at the concept of inheritance and anything that has to do with classes. the succeeding topics are all but points of a downhill slope. i'm so sure because (much to my shame), i've already received java training before (read here!) and i can't believe i'm stuck at the same spot. but you know i actually found it really cool like, oh my gulay this is the exact topic that got me brain dead. this must really be my limitation! i'm fascinated at how i had to be reminded twice about it. haha

sadly, it's nothing to celebrate about. this could mean that i'm really really not for this and that i should focus my efforts somewhere else. i'm close to making up my mind that if i still break this chance to actually be a 'programmer', then it must be God's way of saying that, child you should study the arts now. i'm looking at CIIT! >XD hahaha

it's depressing how i feel like i'm not going to excel here, yet again.

PS: why the negativity? i could just challenge myself to betterment diba? dibaaa? why. not. >XD

Monday, March 24, 2014

God with us!

last friday was soooo amazing grabe, i just had to share. haha God is soooo good!

ganito kasi yon...

the day started out to be so stressful. it was our finals day at our cobol training and we were tasked to present 2 cases with their corresponding analyses and solutions. everything was provided naman in fairness, from the code to the documentation, even the solution... and the instructions were clear. but the amount of resources we had was just so overwhelming we didn't know where to start hahaha. even before the presentation proper we were all super unsure of our understanding of the case (at least 2/3 of our group was? haha).



anyway, i was extremely nervous. joke. nung thursday i wasn't so nervous honestly, i had this feeling na bahala na si Lord, and i was (sorry) kindof leaning towards my smarter groupmate (read: marck!) to fill in the possible lacks. i dunno, i believe i was blessed enough to be grouped with 2 of the best thinkers in class (naks! hi kamil and marck!) that i didn't have to worry about anything other than my pride (haha!) tipong, ano kayang pwede kong maitulong sa mga to, magagaling na to eh. >XD

anyway, i was given the easiest part of the case, which i believe i understood fairly well naman with regards to the documentation, kaso when i started to read the code, i was like where the hell does this block of code explain this sentence in the docu?! where?! where?!

so i was lost. looool

after wasting so much time trying to understand the entirety of the problem, i almost gave up na. with the little knowledge i extracted from the docu, i started to create the powerpoint presentation na lang, at least may isang part akong alam kong iexplain. wag lang masyado magtanong ang mga panel haha.

anywaaaaay, we were so anxious to get the day done with, unfortunately we were the last group to present pa! grabe lang. 8 hours of tension kumusta naman yon?! during that time i was super duper nervous na. i thought, okay it's doomsday! up to that point di parin ako confident sa sarili ko na madedefend ko ung mga ipagsasabi ko sa presentation.

when we entered the room i noticed na 2 of the 8 panels were my final interviewers and i was like waaaaaah, why Lord?! whyyyy! why must they witness a shameful moment of my life?! -____-; but then, we must carry on.

i don't remember how many times i prayed to God to help us get through the day at least, but at the end of my part of the presentation (which is the first part!) i was surprised that no one asked questions! that way we were able to transition to the next part easily! that felt soooo relieving! when my other groupmate was presenting i was taking notes about what he said, para in case he asked for backup i would at least have reference but at the back of my mind i was like, i'm so sorry marck i'm not even sure how my pretentious note-taking will help you. huhu. when our presentation for case 1 ended, it's time for QnA naman. for the most part eto ung pinaka-nakakastress kasi oh my gulay what if all of them asked hard questions!?

thankfully, only (sir) bong asked questions! grabe lang! whew! hahaha after nung case 1, i was mentally rejoicing already but of course we had to carry on pa until kamil finished with case 2. thank God it went on smoothly! as in wala naman masyadong nakaka-pahiyang questions and when we were done and they were giving feedback na, i was surprised at how positive their reactions were! tipong, really? did that remark came from the bottom of your hearts?! hahaha

i was so sure na magkakalat kami but it seemed like they actually appreciated our group! yehey! seriously, i could only take God's power into account. i would never ever have thought we'll reap in positive remarks from them. as in! sa loob loob ko talaga, grabe ka Lord! grabe ka! you are so amazing! not to be so hard on myself naman, i believe i did my best during the presentation. i mustered all my courage to be able to present my part clearly and in english pa hahaha! but still, it didn't look good enough in my mind >XD

hanggang paguwi ko sobrang dumbfounded ako sa nangyari. only God can make this happen. i am so freaking sure of it. i was thinking, maybe because we were the last group to present, they were more considerate, baka nagmamadali na sila umuwi or something kaya di na masyado nagtanong, but it never felt that way. haha i will never forget how (sir) bong somehow remarked 'save the best for the last'. best feeling ever. and thank you Lord, my presentation skills were noticed too! flattering much! >XD

it's a great great feeling to know that at the very least our group left a good impression to the panel. i could only hope none of us gets truncated by thursday! >XS

nung umuwi ako, di parin ako makapaniwala. it felt like a miracle really. only God can turn a seemingly disastrous day into a victorious one. i mean, the fact that we were able to satisfy the panel is victory enough for me. it felt like taking a test knowing only 10% of the topic, and coming out with a perfect score.

i only have one thing i'm so sure of, only God can do that! ganito pala yung feeling na wala akong maipag-mamayabang kasi alam kong hindi ako yung magaling kundi si God? whew!

when i came home and finally did my devotion (na supposed to be ay first thing in the morning), lalo akong nagiyak (naiyak sa galak. ohaaa) sa title ng message: God with us

and my faith was reinforced that night, knowing that there is a God who hears our prayers and gives us victory!

have a gooooood day! >XD

UPDATE: 3/26/2014
PS: despite the seemingly good news, this doesn't exempt me from the big possibility of getting truncated by, wait, TOMORROW! my cobol 1 exercises all suck just so you know. i'm just banking on the instructors' consideration, and another miracle! yeah! haha

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Hillsong United Live in Manila 2014


something to look forward to this year! famous worship group Hillsong United will be holding another concert here in manila this June 13! who cares if it's friday the 13th? haha >XD

anyway, as of writing tickets aren't up for online purchase at ticketnet and beccamusic yet but i'm sure it'll be up in a few! let's all watch out for it! >XD

Hillsong United Live in Manila 2014
June 13, 2014
7:30PM
Smart Araneta Coliseum

Ticket prices:
Patron/Lowerbox: Php 1,500.00
Upperbox A: Php 1,000.00
Upperbox B: Php 500.00
General Admission: Php 300.00

let's go! >XD

Sunday, March 16, 2014

a dream in bullets

- mela dancing like crazy doing her 18th birthday video
- tall blonde guy in pink pants chasing me (us?)
- ate a muffin, saw that it has strands of hair, complained to the owner but he just shrugged
- owner happened to be sweeney todd. urhgk

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Breakfast at Spiral

it's been ages since philamlife held their annual national recognition program at Sofitel! congrats mommy! i lost count of the years she's been a consistent awardee basta alam ko since grade 2 pa ko. hihi as usual, with the overnight accommodation comes the complimentary breakfast buffet (and the complimentary hoardables* as well) at Spiral! yahoo! and since terai and i are such pigs, we prepared so much for this! she worked out at the gym (it's called So Fit, katuwa. so punny! hahaha), then we swam, tapos sauna, steam, jacuzzi, and everything... magpawis ba kahit konti para ma-offset (kahit pano!) yung kakainin namin kinabukasan. hahaha

i love sofitel because their rooms are kindof bigger than the metro manila shangs, and super duper ganda ng ambience and view from the rooms, overlooking the bay ba naman kasi. haha the interiors, exteriors, lahat peg ko. ganon naman yata talaga sa mga hotel no? i looooooove hotel furniture. hahaha



anyway, on with the food! would you believe i only had 3 plates? yes! usually on buffets like this i average 4-5 plates including dessert but yesterday was different probably because it's breakfast and the food i'm looking for belonged to the lunch/dinner spread pa. haha


this was supposed to be my japanese plate, kaso hanap ako ng hanap ng maki at sushi wala akong makita kaya ayan. 


2nd plate! blueberry whipped cream pancake with nuts, yogurt with oatmeal, scrambled egg, tapa tocino and smoked salmon. lahat masarap pero hindi sila bagay sa isa't isa. walang theme ang plato ko. basta mukang masarap, getching!


last plate! salaaaaad with an abundance of parmesan and an ozom vinaigrette dressing! fruits na bawas na, i already ate the dragon fruit when i realized i haven't taken a picture yet. lolz. underneath that cracker is an assortment of cheese! hehe

ayan. kering keri ang breakfast. i had two cups of coffee that morning. during that time they were attending to sooo freaking many customers (i could tell!) because we were put in a function room (awaaaay from the buffet!) with large 10-seater round tables instead of the lounge with the pretty view (aw). i didn't like the idea of sharing the table though kasi nga terai and i eat a lot, nakakahiya naman sa mga senyorang kasabay namin. buti na lang we shared the table with tita luchie, mommy's friend, who didn't mind at all! hahaha 

i also noticed how they lacked so much man power that morning. ang dami kong naririnig na reklamo sa paligid. hehe and it took me 5 follow ups for my 2nd cup of coffee to arrive. i had a few learnings here: 

1) wherever you go, be humble, and always understand the situation. always be polite and don't be too demanding! the amount you paid for doesn't include a right to be rude. //end rant

2) health is wealth. sabi nila, ang kalusugan ay kayamanan. but lately, it seemed more like ang kalusugan ay pang mayaman. ang mahal kaya ang healthy foods!

* speaking of complimentary hoardables - eto yung mga take-homes from the hotel room na ang lakas maka-sosyal! HAHAHAHA lanvin shampoo,body gel, and soap! tootbrush set, suklay, laundry bag, stationery, sewing kit, etc, etc, etc,. aminin inuuwi nyo rin yan. >;P

osya osya, pic spam below! 









and lastly, the obligatory cr selfie! hahaha


happy sunday!