quality education takes time

whew. maybe that's how i'm going to describe my mantra for this sem. hahaha. ok lang magrepeat! at least mas maiintindihan ko. yun nga lang, i can't shift. at malamang lamang dalawang subjects ang irerepeat ko. at baka di pa ko mabigyan next sem. wow. mega delay na ako. >_> hmmph.

kat has sore eyes. meaning she can't be the emcee for our anniv night. so marious chose me to emcee with him instead. and now i'm dead.

i'm too shy to be an emcee. -_-

a new look

i changed the header. pretty much the same, only simpler. i'm happy with it... let's see how long it will last. if you notice, i'm fond of beach scenes. yeah... :)

moreover, another new look...


hehe. don't be fooled

that's me wearing my DAD'S wig. he used that wig during a performance years ago... hehehe. did i mention i like it?

hell yeah.
but my hair is still the same right now, un-banged (without bangs, i mean. lol), uncombed, and black as ever. :)

and since i'm sure i'm not gonna get that hairdo anytime soon (coz i'm in the process of growing my hair loooong)... i decided to post it here. yeah.

well here's an alternative

so we had our first chem40 theoretical lab exam last night. it was hard. and i am guaranteed to fail... yet again. T_T; i was too careless, i could've gotten 2 problems right, it's just that i thought water is non-polar. which is not.

note to self: water, H20, dihydrogen oxide is fucking polar. i'd kill myself if i get that fact wrong again.

and so i got the last problem wrong... i listed everything in a reverse manner. fuck.

it's either i'm going to repeat my two chems next sem OR i'm going to remove them. yeah, there is no chance that i'm going to get a 3 (or anything higher). it's either repeat or remove. wtf.

and because of that. i was depressed once again. yeeeeehaa. i've always been depressed you know, it's just that IT DOESN'T SHOW because i'm a good actress. yeah right. and last night was the night i was looking for someone to talk to.

but then, i just ended up drinking my way to oblivion.
oh i don't drink a lot. i only drink light... and red horse, whichever is available... when our landlady isn't home. hehehe.
and you know what, it was the first time i craved for beer. i missed the cold rush of alcohol in my throat and the warm stir in my stomach. contrary to what others experience, it calms me down. it puts me to sleep. without hangovers. yeah.

beer is love.

so maybe next time i'll try smoking again.
and destroy myself fully.

and damn, i'm not asking for someone to 'save' me. i need a companion (someone whom i can drink beer or coffee with) more than a fucking prince in a shining armor.

and the people here are fucking wholesome.

taking on a one way path

i've never been this much intimidated in my life. and fuck, it scares me a lot. failing has always been my companion. it taught me a lot, really. i guess i owe every sensible advice i mouth out to every horrible experience i've encountered. it's not bad to fail. just don't overdo your mistakes because failing doesn't equate to stupidity.

i don't know. something's wrong with me. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. i need a sensible person to share these insecurities within me. someone who can talk back in the brightest sense. it's demanding, i know. but i want someone who can put up with my reasonings. yes. i'm asking for someone who shares the same level of thinking as i do. not in terms of acad but in terms of uhh... EQ? how do you call that ba? haha. i don't remember.

shit. i need a friend. :( drama ito. just bear with me.
honestly, i think i know someone who could.

alam nyo baaaaa??? gusto ko lang ng kausap! gusto ko ng taong pwedeng kong makasama mag-kape. usap usap lang. grabe kailangan ko ng matinong adviser. >_>

but on the bright side, i'm excited for our practical exam to end. gusto ko na umuwi.
uhhh, shit talaga.

i.need.someone.to.talk.to.
please, Lord. someone who can brighten up my day.
mehn, i don't need a tutor. gusto ko lang ng matinong kausap. and this time gusto ko ako naman ang pakikinggan. >_>;

thank you Lord!

uhh, we had classes today... but at least our chem32 lab and lecture exams were postponed!! yeah, i knew it!! it's going to be unfair to hold the test today since we aren't even halfway through the coverage. hehehe. and well, i haven't studied yet.

that's my point.

yesterday was pretty nice, i drank coffee so i was able to stay until 2:30am without really doing anything productive. i TRIED to study. believe me, i did... but i got distracted with practically everything... so in the end, i didn't learn anything.

hahaha. i realized that people get EASILY distracted from something they are not fond of doing. like studying. yeah. you should know that.

what happened is that i just went mega chika with my dormmates. i'm very open to everything, i have a unique perspective on every matter that's why it's hard to keep silent when these thoughts are provoking me, and when you're totally comfortable with the people around you, it's so easy to spark up with a topic that everyone can relate to. yeah yeah. i love sharing my thoughts and ideas on moral matters... y'know, those that involve parental conflicts, peer pressure, conformity, even love life... hehehe. and it flatters me when people say i give sound advices. to think i've never had much experience on those matters. i don't have kids. i'm not a wife. we don't have familial problems. i've never had a boyfriend. never been courted. never had someone say they like me. in short, i am one big inexperienced twerp.

some of my friends say i make a lot of sense for a mere 16 yr old girl. aww, and my dormmate said last night that i'm one of the few whom she can talk sense with. i'm really flattered. >_> but i guess the maturity of my words are brought about by my huge fancy for books. i didn't even know that my little advices and rephrased proverbial statements affected them, one way or another.

i'm grateful for this wisdom God gave me. i even remember asking for it. whenever studying, i write down my prayers first and i always ask God to give me wisdom to understand these freakin equations and theories that would perpetuate the idea of mass destruction. i asked for wisdom because i thought it's parallel to intelligence. but i was wrong. what i really need that time is intelligence and God gave me wisdom (at least that's how i perceived it). so what did i use this 'wisdom' for?

mehn. i used it to condition myself for the possibility that i MIGHT fail this blasted subject. you don't need intelligence for that! you don't take things like that objectively. that's why... from now on, i'm gonna ask for INTELLIGENCE!!!

i need extra braincells.