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can we just stop and talk a while

by gary v. and kyla. nice song :). ate eunice and jerson sang it awhile ago as an intermission and it was really nice. galing! hehehe :)

it actually reminds me of the song 'melody fair' :)

anyhow. today was great. :) i attended our symposium and proctored (gm?) for our mental smackdown (a quiz contest). blah blah blah. kat still has sore eyes. mehn and i badly want to get it too but i don't know, we're always together and i always intentionally wipe my eyes whenever we gain contact in hopes of catching the bastarded illness but to no avail. actually, i'm just fishing for reasons to excuse myself for participating on our anniv night tomorrow. too bad. still stuck.

i'm not complaining. it's just that i'd rather sit in the corner than actually, err, emcee. because i'm not good. seriously. i'm really really really shy. i suck as a self-motivator.

yeah, we'll see about that.

speechcom1: who knows i'll actually learn something substantial and enlightening from this subject? whenever i get the chance, i skip this class but during our last meeting, i realized something and it hit me hard.

we were asked to draw an outline of our fetus - lifesize. meaning we have to lie down on a manila paper and pose as a fetus and someone else will trace our outline and we'll be working on that space bounded by the marker. blah blah blah. our teacher told us to write our wildest dreams on one portion of the drawing. i did mine alright. i wrote there i want to be super rich, i want to go to outer space, be an astronaut, a muse, a bestselling author, a bestselling author. i wrote that twice. then our teacher started talking, talking, talking, like usual, he said a lot of things. and they were nice, it actually made me think about my life. i noticed that even not a hint of being an engineer is reflected within the words i jotted down on the paper. not even a single word. and i thought, look at that... this isn't my dream. i never dreamed of becoming a engineer in the first place. i want to be a writer, a businesswoman sidelining as a freelance artist. i simply don't belong here.

and that's what made up my mind.
i'll do best to shift, to a different school perhaps, with a course that i really want. it's not going to be easy. heck, and i have to go through two blasted chemistry subjects just to break free from this bars i've unconsciously jailed myself in. they're always right. they've always been right. i must do what i want. i must follow my dreams. not anyone else's, but mine. i must discard the fact that just because i endured 1 or 2 chemistry subjects, i'm good to go. no. i'm just burrying myself deeper in the ground. if i continue to endure things i'm not inclined to, i'll be walking farther and farther away from my dreams. this isn't my dream. this isn't anyone's dream. no one forced me to take this course. i am but a frustrated student wanting to enter the university, and this was the only option to take.

enough of the drama. i'll shift. yeah, that sounds good. THAT'S IF: i don't fail chem32 and 40 and get admitted to diliman.
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quality education takes time

whew. maybe that's how i'm going to describe my mantra for this sem. hahaha. ok lang magrepeat! at least mas maiintindihan ko. yun nga lang, i can't shift. at malamang lamang dalawang subjects ang irerepeat ko. at baka di pa ko mabigyan next sem. wow. mega delay na ako. >_> hmmph.

kat has sore eyes. meaning she can't be the emcee for our anniv night. so marious chose me to emcee with him instead. and now i'm dead.

i'm too shy to be an emcee. -_-
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a new look

i changed the header. pretty much the same, only simpler. i'm happy with it... let's see how long it will last. if you notice, i'm fond of beach scenes. yeah... :)

moreover, another new look...


hehe. don't be fooled

that's me wearing my DAD'S wig. he used that wig during a performance years ago... hehehe. did i mention i like it?

hell yeah.
but my hair is still the same right now, un-banged (without bangs, i mean. lol), uncombed, and black as ever. :)

and since i'm sure i'm not gonna get that hairdo anytime soon (coz i'm in the process of growing my hair loooong)... i decided to post it here. yeah.
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well here's an alternative

so we had our first chem40 theoretical lab exam last night. it was hard. and i am guaranteed to fail... yet again. T_T; i was too careless, i could've gotten 2 problems right, it's just that i thought water is non-polar. which is not.

note to self: water, H20, dihydrogen oxide is fucking polar. i'd kill myself if i get that fact wrong again.

and so i got the last problem wrong... i listed everything in a reverse manner. fuck.

it's either i'm going to repeat my two chems next sem OR i'm going to remove them. yeah, there is no chance that i'm going to get a 3 (or anything higher). it's either repeat or remove. wtf.

and because of that. i was depressed once again. yeeeeehaa. i've always been depressed you know, it's just that IT DOESN'T SHOW because i'm a good actress. yeah right. and last night was the night i was looking for someone to talk to.

but then, i just ended up drinking my way to oblivion.
oh i don't drink a lot. i only drink light... and red horse, whichever is available... when our landlady isn't home. hehehe.
and you know what, it was the first time i craved for beer. i missed the cold rush of alcohol in my throat and the warm stir in my stomach. contrary to what others experience, it calms me down. it puts me to sleep. without hangovers. yeah.

beer is love.

so maybe next time i'll try smoking again.
and destroy myself fully.

and damn, i'm not asking for someone to 'save' me. i need a companion (someone whom i can drink beer or coffee with) more than a fucking prince in a shining armor.

and the people here are fucking wholesome.
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taking on a one way path

i've never been this much intimidated in my life. and fuck, it scares me a lot. failing has always been my companion. it taught me a lot, really. i guess i owe every sensible advice i mouth out to every horrible experience i've encountered. it's not bad to fail. just don't overdo your mistakes because failing doesn't equate to stupidity.

i don't know. something's wrong with me. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. i need a sensible person to share these insecurities within me. someone who can talk back in the brightest sense. it's demanding, i know. but i want someone who can put up with my reasonings. yes. i'm asking for someone who shares the same level of thinking as i do. not in terms of acad but in terms of uhh... EQ? how do you call that ba? haha. i don't remember.

shit. i need a friend. :( drama ito. just bear with me.
honestly, i think i know someone who could.

alam nyo baaaaa??? gusto ko lang ng kausap! gusto ko ng taong pwedeng kong makasama mag-kape. usap usap lang. grabe kailangan ko ng matinong adviser. >_>

but on the bright side, i'm excited for our practical exam to end. gusto ko na umuwi.
uhhh, shit talaga.

i.need.someone.to.talk.to.
please, Lord. someone who can brighten up my day.
mehn, i don't need a tutor. gusto ko lang ng matinong kausap. and this time gusto ko ako naman ang pakikinggan. >_>;
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thank you Lord!

uhh, we had classes today... but at least our chem32 lab and lecture exams were postponed!! yeah, i knew it!! it's going to be unfair to hold the test today since we aren't even halfway through the coverage. hehehe. and well, i haven't studied yet.

that's my point.

yesterday was pretty nice, i drank coffee so i was able to stay until 2:30am without really doing anything productive. i TRIED to study. believe me, i did... but i got distracted with practically everything... so in the end, i didn't learn anything.

hahaha. i realized that people get EASILY distracted from something they are not fond of doing. like studying. yeah. you should know that.

what happened is that i just went mega chika with my dormmates. i'm very open to everything, i have a unique perspective on every matter that's why it's hard to keep silent when these thoughts are provoking me, and when you're totally comfortable with the people around you, it's so easy to spark up with a topic that everyone can relate to. yeah yeah. i love sharing my thoughts and ideas on moral matters... y'know, those that involve parental conflicts, peer pressure, conformity, even love life... hehehe. and it flatters me when people say i give sound advices. to think i've never had much experience on those matters. i don't have kids. i'm not a wife. we don't have familial problems. i've never had a boyfriend. never been courted. never had someone say they like me. in short, i am one big inexperienced twerp.

some of my friends say i make a lot of sense for a mere 16 yr old girl. aww, and my dormmate said last night that i'm one of the few whom she can talk sense with. i'm really flattered. >_> but i guess the maturity of my words are brought about by my huge fancy for books. i didn't even know that my little advices and rephrased proverbial statements affected them, one way or another.

i'm grateful for this wisdom God gave me. i even remember asking for it. whenever studying, i write down my prayers first and i always ask God to give me wisdom to understand these freakin equations and theories that would perpetuate the idea of mass destruction. i asked for wisdom because i thought it's parallel to intelligence. but i was wrong. what i really need that time is intelligence and God gave me wisdom (at least that's how i perceived it). so what did i use this 'wisdom' for?

mehn. i used it to condition myself for the possibility that i MIGHT fail this blasted subject. you don't need intelligence for that! you don't take things like that objectively. that's why... from now on, i'm gonna ask for INTELLIGENCE!!!

i need extra braincells.
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sana walang pasok bukas

sana nga, arianne. sana nga.

wednesday night:
todo rejoice dahil inannounce na walang klase sa thursday!!!

thursday night:
nag-aaral PA LANG ako for our chem40 theoretical lab exam for friday. at sobrang tamad ko pa mag-aral dahil ina-anticipate ko na wala paring pasok bukas.

at nagkatotoo nga.

friday:
- dahil walang pasok, namove ang dalawa kong exam. hehehe... ayos yun kasi di pa nga ako nag-aaral diba...
- workshop ng org sa likod ng layb. blah blah... grabe ang lakas ng ulan. hehe dumating din pala ung Globe Kantabataan team, hosted by Patty Laurel. funny, akala ko weather reporter lang...
- after workshop. uwi! at last! at dahil wala si terai, nakisabay na lang ako kina jerson at v-rey pauwi. salamat talaga...
- nakaka-inip. around 4pm kami nakasakay ng bus, 7pm na nasa skyway parin kami. take note: SKYWAY na yon! traffic. super.
- pagbaba ng megamall, kumain kaagad ako. tapos ewan ko ba, sinikmura siguro ako kaya sinuka ko rin lahat. huhuhuhu, sayang pera. at dahil dyan, nag-ice cream na lang ako. hehehe... mas rewarding pa pala mag icecream pag bumabagyo.

saturday:
- boring to kasi sira phone lines namin, so walang internet. pati broadband, ayaw makisama... so wala talagang internet.
- pinuntahan ko si terai sa hospital, kasama ko si ate theresa. ayon, ok naman. i tried to study, pero tinamad ako... kaya lumabas ako at bumili ng instant coffee. i tried san mig strong. ang sarap pala nun. pero mas gusto ko parin yung maxwell 3in1. blah blah. nung gabi na, dumalaw sina auntie gene... may dalang pizza! yehey! at dahil andyan si auntie gene, malamang andyan si dianne. at dahil andyan si dianne, nagkape ulit ako. partners in crime ko yun e, bawal parin ako magkape, mind you, pero malakas ang tawag ng starbucks sakin.
-at dahil naka-dalawang baso ako ng kape. hindi ako nakatulog. as. in. 5am na mulat na mulat parin mata ko. ang lakas ng tama. >_>

sunday:
- at dahil dyan, feeling ko tinopak ako. kinuha ko yung wig at make-up. o.O ahahaha, totoo. pagharap ko kay mommy, nagulantang siya. parang, 'anak, anong nangyari sayo?' akala nya nananaginip sya. hahaha pero enjoy naman. kasi natuwa si mommy. inisip ko kasi sobrang pressured sha sa mga pangyayari e... kaya yun. ahahaha, bagay pala sakin brown hair. ahahaha nakakatuwa. may picture ako nun sa digicam! haha tsaka na lang...
- haaay. nag-aalala si mommy dahil lagi parin akong nagsasalita pag tulog... pero ngayon IBANG LEVEL NA! kumakanta na daw ako. lol. nung una di nya maintindihan tapos nung dulo, nagsabi daw ako ng 'moments of love'. hahahahahaha. o.O
- dati sa dorm, kwento ni tita beth na tumatawa raw ako pag tulog, nakatalukbong pa.
- kinikilabutan ako sa sarili ko. ang dami kong friends! meron akong kausap, meron akong kalaro and just recently, MAY KA-DUET NA KO! hahaha katakot.
- ang sakit ng ulo ko pagdating sa simbahan... pero ok lang.

monday:
- eto, balik los banos. ang lakas ng ulan kanina, sana walang pasok bukas. haay.
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tagged

got tagged by nez and ding

* each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
* don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

alright, here we go...

1. i bite my nails a lot. it's my worst habit.
2. i am awfully addicted to coffee... and spend a lot on it too
3. i always bring a vanity kit with me.
4. di ako mapakali ng hindi nag-iinternet sa loob ng isang araw.
5. i love ryan agoncillo.
6. i am prone to car accidents.
7. i always sleep late. late, meaning 12mn+
8. i fancy guys who wear glasses.

i tag: mika, larz, hannah, karlita, KA, michi, jami and nic.
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a coward's way

thank you for reminding me.
i am now adding a new label for my posts... welcome to my new set of 'hate-list' entries.

seriously, i think i grew 'better' (less hateful) this year. i don't hate a lot of people. maybe because i'm already in college and maybe because all the hateful people in my life crowded during my highschool years.

not that you noticed.
i'm not really verbal when it comes to expressing my negative emotions, hence most of my highschool drama gets stacked up in this blog.

but please, just for this moment... allow me to revive a long lost tradition in this blog.

The Hate-List

an introduction: according to a personality test i took years ago, i am 38% evil. not so evil, i know but it doesn't restrict me from hating people and plotting for their deaths. i am naturally good, just like everyone else, but i must admit there are times when i let my negative emotions overpower me... and whenever that happens i look for the best outlet i could have to vent out my feelings and i couldn't think of a better place other than this blog.

so there... with that, i am opening an all new version (ALL NEW PEOPLE! HURRAY!) of my HATE-LIST. it's going to be a label too so do check out my label cloud on the nav bar.

i know it's bad. i know i'm bad. but this is just my way of venting things out. i know most of you hate what i'm doing, but at least i do no physical harm to the unfortunate tramp who will be BLIND-ITEM(ed) within the succeeding entries of this tag. ok, so you read that... i don't point names out... i keep their darned names to myself and give them a nick whenever i mention them here.

SO...
what will happen to those who are in the hate-list?

uhhh... nothing really. just eternal damnation and imaginary persecution from this blog's rightful owner...

i mean, even if it's YOU, you wouldn't recognize right ahead... unless you're SMART! and i know a lot of smart people.. *ehem* *ehem* uhmm...

lol. i just thought of adding up that label but truthfully, i'm not hating anyone in particular right now.

hehe, you wait...
because it takes a long time to get into my nerves, really.
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let it flow

i'm inspired to write again. this time i have more confidence with my story because i've shared it with a quite a lot of people already... of course being cautious that it won't get stolen...and they liked it. they like the crazy plot. the whole romantic thing.

i personally think it's going to be a good movie.
but then i haven't written it down. lol
originally, i want it to be harry-draco, but then i decided to make it an all-original story because i don't want to credit JK Rowling anymore for lending me her characters. >_>

now i want my own laptop. lol.
when i went to trinoma last sunday i saw a new release from Compaq, it's Compaq Presario V3431TU and it roughly amounts to 50,000. hehehe, i find it reasonable for a new release. and besides, it's compaq. :) i want my own laptop. huhuhuhu

i badly want to write!!!!!
but i need inspiration. i need to read more of Paulo Coehlo! i like his writing style because it's full of imagery and thought-provoking proverbs.

i want to write.
yeah. =]
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come on chancy, don't be kj. =|

-i don't believe it. according to the news, we don't have classes tomorrow. it's not even raining! c'mon chancy, where's the text brigade?!?!? i just want to make sure i have a verifiable reason to rejoice.

- i broke a test tube awhile ago during our chem40 lab. >_>

- i cursed a lot today. i was really in a foul mood. i didn't get my preferred schedule for the practical test on saturday. i want it to be in the morning so that i can go home early but the sign-up sheet is fucking filled. shit, i want to scratch all their names off and replace it with one big arianne. wtf. i'll be taking the test at 3-4pm. wtf. and it's not just that... my mood wouldn't have been this 'bad' if it weren't for one undefined negative force. i don't know. hahaha. i just don't feel 'good' today. though i think i managed to put up a facade that i'm just your usual arianne.

i'm really good with keeping my troubles to myself. especially when i know the one help that i need wouldn't come voluntarily.

because of that... here's a little something i stole from nez

LIST 20 THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO CERTAIN PEOPLE BUT KNOW YOU NEVER WILL. DON'T SAY WHO THEY ARE.


1. get well soon!

2. honestly, i feel like an idiot when i'm with you. it's because you're TOO SMART for your own good. but you're my closest friend in the university and i don't want to lose you. i'd rather risk looking like a fool than never have a company like you.

3. hey. i only like you because you look like a nerd because of your glasses. when i heard you came from a freakin science highschool and aced your chemistry exams... my interest on you grew. but then just like with #2, i don't want to risk looking like a fool anymore. one genius of a friend is enough. i could just kill myself thinking i'm the dumbest in the university.

4. hahaha. you're my real crush. but something's hindering me from trying to be friends with you... and it's the same as the previous. and i think you have a crush on #3... hahahaoutch.

5. you. you. you. you. you. you. and you. (that's 7 people) WHY DO ALL OF YOU HAVE TO BE SO SMART?!?! (or rather, why do I have to be this STUPID) that's the main reason why i'm finding it hard to socialize. because i can't cope with you.

with that i skip to number 12

12. i want to be your bestfriend.

13. i miss you all. i miss the crazy days. i don't like it here. BIG TIME. they're pressuring me! people here give me odd looks when i talk about yaoi. with you i can talk about harry-draco all day. :( i miss you all

14. thanks for everything. i appreciate the times we sing japanese songs together and exchange earphones over the weekend. :)

15. please don't be bitter just because we have chem32 and you don't. dude, you don't know what kind of hell we are going through right now. don't wish for us to fail, please.

16. please, whatever happens to my darned academic life, continue to believe in me. maybe not with my mental capacity but with my other skills. you know i'm not inclined to this field and i am but a lost being unsure of which path to take. i'm still confused ok. please don't think i'm wasting all of our resources learning something i won't be enjoying in the future. i love you. very much.

17. you are pressuring me big time and it sucks because you think i'm not being pressured so you put more pressure on me. wtf!

18. don't hate me because i'm being negligent of my duties.

19. please don't think i'm rich. because.i.am.not.

and lastly

20. i hope we could be close friends, really. :)

nuff of the drama.
you see? i am this insecure of my own academic capacity! i feel like i'm always at the bottom line.

wtf.
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don't dream it's over

i believe you don't have to be one hell of a genius to get through life unaharmed. it's not about the amount of time you alloted for study that determines your future. but then, failing grades won't lead you anywhere.. aside from the stinking pit of self-humiliation. >_>

i'm not studying again.
wait, something happened. yesterday, my sister -terai- got sick again. >_> so what am i to do? being her beriberiguditushus sister, i role played as mommy! i got her paracetamol and i do what my mommy used to do. i wipe her with wet labakara all over. man, it was crazy. i was crazy! her temperature is 38-point-something and it's freakin midnight!! but i just enjoyed the moment... yeah yeah. i slept 2am already.

man, the things i do for love.

i woke up at 4am to give her medicine then went back to sleep. i woke up around 830 and pulled myself from the bed, in hopes of getting the right motivation to attend my class.... but before that i checked on my sister first.

wtf, her temperature is 40!!!!!

i made her breakfast... lugaw and fish... and immediately brought her to the hospital. she underwent three laboratory tests... a CBC, Tubex test (for typhoid, dengue, etc), and urinalysis. ayon okay naman, xept for the urinalysis.

and because of that, i missed my MATH36 and CHEM32!!!! :(

ahahahahaha...
napaka-fulfilling mag-alaga ng maysakit! lalo na pag gumaling sha diba!!

aylabyu terai. pagaling ka! ok lang magskip ng klase... walangya, basta gumaling ka!
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the right to indulge

i'm using my being 'depressed' as an excuse to treat myself. actually, i'm not depressed anymore! i'm back to the usual happy and giddy me. it doesn't hurt anymore to think i'm going to repeat my blasted chemistry subjects! nor do i weep with the possibility of me failing my math and physics!! in short, i am not anymore afraid of falling over the cliff of academic probation!

yeah, that's how much i love belittling myself. and it sucks because i'm enjoying doing it. on the bright side though, i don't put up expectations for myself. i've had enough of that. i know it's an attitude one would despise having, hehe, but i'm not always like this. i'm.not.always.like.this.

i only go super negative when it comes to my studies... because really, i don't believe in my own mental capacity!!

and because of that, i've just given myself a virtual pass to indulge on anything that i like. anything... just for this day... of course with a limit of 500 pesos.

so here's what i did...
hehehe i went to trinoma alone! wahehehehe i just want to have ice cream, that's all. it's a very effective mood-uplifter (i could've gotten myself a cup of coffee but i decided to avoid it JUST for this weekend because i want to sleep early and besides... i just had an attack remember? so yeah, i have to ban myself again). and i want DQ! so DQ it is... wuhooo. ice cream galore! i've been taking in too much calories this weekend! after finishing my oreo blizzard at their garden rooftop (where there's starbucks at the center! yaay!) i went roaming about the place... looking here looking there... not really buying anything. then i saw cafe breton, and remembered one episode of 'Ang Pinaka' where they featured breton's mango crepe with ice cream.

so yun, napasubo ako! haha, kakatapos ko lang mag ice cream, ice cream na naman. and mehn, i was disappointed!!!!! after finishing the plate... nainis ako. e kaya ko kayang gawin to sa bahay?!?!?! ano ba yan, hotcake na may mangga at ice cream sa ibabaw lang pala!

e ang tanga ko kasi. i thought there's something different with it, something special! e wala, regular crepe lang pala. che.

tapos the price man! the price went to a whooping 208 pesos!!! i didn't expect that really. i.fucking.didn't.expect.that. >_> akala ko nasa 60 pesos lang. hmmph, di kasi tumitingin sa menu, kain lang ng kain. kala mo kung sinong mayaman. naku, arianne magdusa ka! isang linggo kang magsio-siomai-rice sa los banos! bwahahahahaha!!

o sha... after the stupid dessert. i bought something from penshoppe... blah blah blah. penshoppe has really nice scents. :) and then i strolled and strolled and strolled, canvassed for this and that and finally decided to GOOOOOO HOOOOOME!!!! i was really tired so instead of walking the extra mile to SM north edsa's jeepney terminal, i decided to just take the FX at trinoma's parking lot. which is another unexpected prick to my melting purse. how the hell can you charge 30 pesos from trinoma to SM fairview!!! that's ridiculous and downright preposterous!!!! but then you know what? because i was really tired that time, i just slept myself to oblivion... maybe the aircon would compensate to my fury. and that's where the rest of the surcharge went...

blah blah blah. i waited for my parents at FCM because they're going to have their hair cut and i want to save the tricycle fare too so there... my sister and mom got a haircut... and i didn't. i want to grow my hair long... then i'll get it layered and w/ bangs. ohyeah, hope it suits me well. i've never seen myself with long hair.

hey, i want to take this moment as a chance to tell everyone that starting tomorrow... i'm going to study harder! yeah!! and by harder, it means that i'm probably not going to update that often... let alone play!

that's a really big sacrifice!! how can i stand a day without arming my neopet for battle? for games? for invitational cups?

ugh, whatever. just that. i'm on blogging/neopets/addictinggames/onlinegames HIATUS

let's see if i can take my own word for it.
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burrrrp!

i've never been this depressed in my whole life. hahahaha

but then again,
there's ice cream, a cholocate bar, a cheeseburger, and a bottle of beer.

ayos na!
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delinquente!

i didn't attend 6 hours and 30 minutes worth of classes this week! 3 hours LTS1, 1hr 30mins SPCM1, and 2 hours of Math36...

grabe. naf-feel ko na ang aking pagbagsak.
and i had a minor attack last night so i wasn't really in a good mood to do anything productive. i haven't started our 2 postlabs on chem32 (due today)... anyway, i'm just going to copy everything.

i'm becoming a very very inefficient human being. one word to describe me now, TRASH. i'm one big piece of trash.

last night was really depressing. parang, TOL!!! ano ba!?!?!?!
i'm so stupid you know.
i can even imagine myself taking chem32... again.

to add up to the usual pile of junk i take, i'm acquiring (YET AGAIN) another set of annoying health jiggers. i get headaches a lot. i think i know the reason... i'm not getting enough sleep. i have sore throat... again. che.

seriously, lalo akong bumoBOBO!

what the fuck.
i hate my life right now.

hehe, so where is the usual optimistic meeeee???

for one thing. i've realized that most people are optimistic.... ONLY about things that doesn't concern them. but when it comes to their own hard issues, they become pessimists. yeah, and to scale the term down, or probably to extract a safer answer or a good enough defence, people say they're just being 'realistic'.

and just like them i'm going to use that (lame) excuse for being this soooo negative with my future in this effin' university.

i'm just being realistic.

and it hurts me to be such. i don't want to repeat any of my subjects, let alone take the removal exams because.... i swear, i could kill myself. >.<

you see, i think i would've taken the possibility of me repeating my chem subjects on a lighter note IF i didn't join an organization. peer pressure mehn! i can't live up to their expectations. they're all smart. they're all geniuses, at heto ako... =(

isa pang mahirap tanggapin ay yung i was given all the help i could garner, but still i failed. lam nyo yun? parang i didn't do my part. andyan na lahat ng tulong pero bagsak parin ang labas... lalabas pa na di mo tinulungan ang sarili mo. nakakahiya sa mga taong tinulungan ka all the while.

honestly, i'm finding it hard to socialize with my orgmates who are also my batchmates... because they're too effin' smart, i look like trash beside them.

wtf.

wow. inferiority complex.
hardcore depression.
fck.

i need a pen and paper.
i need to draw.
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tol! walang ganyanan!

=(

ay *%#$&@*^(^@!!!!
shit. naiiyak na koooooooo.
bwiseeeetttt. ay walang hiya talaga.

i swear i could've gotten more decent answers if it weren't for the TIME!!!
fuck.
kulang sa oras. watdapak.

ano, chem64 na ba?

i'm losing hope.
wtf.

comsaaaayy. ngayon ko lang na-realize na mas malaki ang fascination ko sa html kaysa sa chemisty. i was never 'fascinated' in the first place. =\

omaygaaaaddd.
Lord, where is my bawi?????
i studied!!! (o baka kulang na naman?) aynaku talaga!!!!!

ayan. inatake nanaman ako ng heartburn! e kasi naman dude! araw araw na nanaman akong nagkakape! >_>;;

mehn.
i wanna go home. :{

consuelo naman Lord. =(
iyak nanaman ako nito.
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smile, arianne.

Story: ----
Status: Complete
Words: 22834
Chapter:10
Reviews: 177 =D
Hits: 67376
C2S: 30
Favorites: 121 =D
Alerts: 192

although i know i'm still highly incompetent as a writer (because i don't really care much about grammar), those statistical entries cheered me up. :)
C2S stands for communities, it means that there are 30 communites who included my story in their archives. 121 Favorites! i couldn't get anymore happier! 121 registered users faved my story! my crappy 90% grammatically incorrect fanfiction!! hehe. alerts... hmmm... actually it's just a tool to remind a reader if i have already updated my story... but since it's already complete... an alert isn't needed anymore. but still... that's 192 people waiting for an update... (blah. those are just from the previous chapters. whatever. and they just forgot to cancel it)

oh, i'm not fishing for compliments. =( i'm just happy of the stats but if you ask me personally, i don't like the way i wrote the piece. my beta hasn't returned the proofread version of my story yet.. kaya yun. =) hmmmm... compared to other stories of course mine is plain crap. but that's the best stat i've achieved so far. and i'm glaaaaad.

hehe. from now on...
i won't be plugging my ff.net account anywhere... i'll just leave it alone.
the main reason would be is that i want me as an author to be separated from me as arianne. :) and besides... most people don't like what i do.

fyi, i write gay stories.

and you don't know much i hate being stereotyped with that.
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the worst of mediocrity

i'm not supposed to be here!

i decided to skip my last subject for the day (lts1) in hopes of sparing 3 hours worth of uhh...classes. lts1 is fun, really but i guess i'm just too worn out? too tired? too sleepy? too... i'm not sure. i'm just being the good student that i am. yeah, wtf.

the truth is, i'm just plain lazy.

i'm kinda depressed right now... i feel like the biggest idiot in the world. fuck. i don't get chem40, i don't understand chem32, i'm cramming through math36, bored with spcm1, and now i'm skipping my nstp to give myself a chance to slap myself and give my stupid ego a good scolding for letting my academic life crumble like a sand castle under the rain.

like crazy, man.
like craaaaaazy.

i need to sleep.
mehn. what's with YELLOW???? why do i see a lot of people wearing yellow?????
i'm wearing yellow, by the way.
my crush is wearing yellow too. =}

tomorrow is BLUE BRIGADE.
see ya.
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he's yours, all yours. and now i'm bored

honestly,

ayoko ng may ka-agaw. lalo na if it's something i value a lot. i am naturally possesive but i don't usually show it. years of inexperience made it a dormant quality in me.

now, if it concerns a guy and the tug-o-war is beetween me and a special friend, i'll let go of the rope. because honestly, i'd rather have a friend than a boyfriend. i don't trade my special friends with something (or someone, rather) i know will just come and go. besides, i know myself... i easily get bored.

they say boredom is only experienced by boring people. i beg to disagree. boredom (along with a lot other abstract nouns) is relative. shallow people don't (or hardly ever) experience boredom because they can interpret everything in the shallowest sense.

i am always bored, always idle, always looking for something to do when in fact there's a pile of junk dumped on my table waiting to be noticed, waiting to be given even the slightest bit of attention. and now i realize, i'm the type of person who doesn't get easily motivated with the things i am not inclined to. i always look underneath my pile of workload for something that would somehow stir up a fraction of interest within the bounds of my knowledge.

i'm lost.
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oh, so it works?

i don't know, should i take glutaphos again? i have three exams this week! hehehe. i remember the last time i took it, nothing happened (at least that's how i perceived it). i guess it's psychological. when people feed you with the fact that it's a super effective memory enhancer and brain booster, whenever you take in a tablet and feel like a genius, you worship the freakin drug. and when you feel dumb, you feel like you've already exhausted the power of thy mighty medicine. then you drink again... think of yourself as a genius who will one day conquer the world... kneel down before the indifferent tablet and work your way through your homework.

what the hell does it dooooo???

now i'm questioning my intelligence (of course with the supposition that i do have some). up to what extent can my brain handle worldly complexities? how far can my mind go (without shutting down) about running the race with natural geniuses? do i need to be a drug dependent just to ensure the normal flux of neurotransmitters in my brain?


wtf.

school has never been this psychologically tormenting.
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do i really belong here?

leonard has been a great factor on why i'm thinking a LOT about SHIFTING. when he first mentioned to me that he's planning on shifting to BS Chemistry or Biology... i was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (uhh not exactly but you should get it. duh) and i was insisting on the 'fact' that our course sounds 'cool' (to others) not to mention 'hard' and also 'demanding' but then those adjectives doesn't command that much to be considered. heck and i was (yet again) explaining to him that he's going to break the ABCDE chain that we've established (or maybe it's just me who noticed and made a big deal out of it) on our first sem in the university.

the ABCDE chain is explained as follows: :)

originally there were 6 06-B students who were qualified for chemical engineering and our surnames are Alaon, Alo, Birog, Camasin, Dizon, and Eseo
bwahahahaha odiba? we're alphabetically arranged! (which actually made me think that MAYBE the college secretary just picked the first 6 waitlisted people on their list alphabetically.. ). yeah and Charles (Alo) got dismissed but nevertheless the ABCDE remains so it's fine.

joke, it's not fine!! >_> hehe balik ka na kasi chav... bilis! :D

and now... leonard (Eseo) wants to leave us! huhuhuhuhuhu :( come to think of it, it doesn't really matter if we drop off with the E because ABCD is still intact but that's not the point! it's not about who breaks off from the alphabet! that's just me and my shallow (not to mention nonsensical discoveries about our batch) chorvabells. >_>

anyhow. leonard and i were talking about shifting and the whole thing about 'loving your craft' and not pursuing your real 'dream'. when he left at around 12:30 for his classes, i was left thinking.... damn hard.

nyeeee. dapat ba nag fine arts ako? commarts? business mgt.?
is it to late to change directions?
ang ayoko lang naman talaga ay yung super hirap maka-alis ng CEAT (college of eng'g) at super nakakatamad magayos ng mga paper requirements... tsaka ang hirap maghabol ng grades no. para naman kasing ang tali-talino ko...

haha. i flunked our first chem32 exam. feeling ko ako lowest dun e... feeling ko talaga...

yeah. maybe they can easily discharge me from their college because i'm not someone who displayed exemplary academic standing in the first place. yeah, i'm so right with that freakin point.

now the question is, where do i go next? there is no fine-freakin-arts here in los banos and honestly, you cannot in anyway convince me to take it (no matter how much you flatter me).

eto lang naman kasi talaga yan.

MY COLLEGE LIFE HAS NO DEFINITE AND IMPLICIT DIRECTION.

yet.
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entry #746

can't think of a good enough title. >_>;
our chem40 lab instructor dismissed us early and i was left with a generous amount of idle time so to waste them off, i decided to go with my friends to their next class... bio3. hehehe in short, naki-sit-in ako... or more like sleep-in. bwahahaha. and their section is C-1L!!!! e C-1L din lab section ko sa physics3... o diba... i belong! hahahahaha. wala naman... parang chem16 reunion lang naman... bwahehehehe.

ang weird ko talaga... tumawa. as in wahahahahahahahahaha!!!

7+4+6=17
1+7=8
8=????

infinity!

haaay walang kwenta. >_>

ui gusto ko na umuwi! gusto ko na mag-megamall at kumain ng icecream! gusto ko na magtrinoma, manuod ng harry potter, kumain sa yellowcab and magdessert sa DQ!!!!
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