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nothing drives me T__T;

our physics3 lecture exam was (yet again) moved! yaaay!!! on the dull side though, the lab exam pushed through, without me getting even a bit of study. fuck. how can i be so negligent of my academic standing?? i've never been this irresponsible before! i bet i will flunk all of my 1st exams. and trying to console myself with thinking that i could just study harder (or just plain STUDY) for the next exams is not good enough.

i want to to change this layout already.

there's something wrong with me. i've changed. i'm not studying a lot like i used to. either way, i stay mediocre. nothing much, nothing less. but apparently, with the way things are going... the 'nothing less' is getting more weight in the scale of mediocrity so now i could partially consider myself an idiot for letting the scale be disturbed with my inner struggles.

the thing is, i'm not inspired/motivated enough to open my textbooks and read what those extraterrestrial beings theorized about centuries ago. I'M NOT DRIVEN! i miss Sir Chester Dabalos! i need an intructor who could bring out the passion in me!!! ok, so i'm not passionate enough on this craft. case in point made.

Lord,
Help me.
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slovak: nezmyzel


i believe i still have to fill up a lot of empty gaps i left hanging for the last 3 weeks. you know, it was both fun and exhausting. i experienced a lot of things, learned a lot of values and cleared a lot of misconceptions about life. but it doesn't end there... actually, it's only the beginning (cliche i know). and i'm thrilled to break through that blasted wall that partially kept me from the reality that i'm not alone.

note: i'm not requiring you to understand the underlying message of this entry because personally, i would classify this under crap. this is pure randomness and it is my intention to confuse you with my nonsense allegories. o diba? kahit ako nalalabuan kaya magtiis ka muna...

hahaha. what do you think is the point of this nonsense entry? nothing. exactly. i just want to write something random and un-understandable (go figure). i just want to let go of this unhealthy flux of words because it doesn't make sense to keep it within my deflating brain sacs.

i'm not really particular with making sense with my blog entries, hence the title of this blog. i don't care if people don't understand what's written here becuase in the first place, i couldn't expect anyone and everyone to understand. that's why i value those who can grasp what little sense there is in this utterly vague entry.

eeh. ayoko na. walang patutunguhan ang entry na ito. :)
sa susunod na lang ulit :)
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adik sayo





hahaha. ngayon lang ulit ako nakalaro after 2 weeks! yehey! in fairness a... top scorer parin! duh, ako lang naman naglalaro! hahahahahaha...

pagbigyan nyo na ko. ngayon lang ulit ako nakauwi... :)
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i can sing. i can't dance.


i took this picture last friday at freedom park. finals namin nun. hihihihi ang ganda ng rainbow.... :) ngayon lang ulit ako nakakita ng malaking rainbow e. hahahaha


eto naman ay kinuha ko one month ago. isang note na nakapaskil sa labas ng room A-101. ang title, "IN CASE OF FIRE...."

bwahahahahahahahaaaa.... nakakatawa diba??? wala lang. don't laugh daw. ano ba yan. don't lag behind. don't cause confusion. basta... natawa ako e. ano ba.

wahahahaha. ui ang galing! nagdownload ako ng 4 na midis! ittransfer ko sa phone as ringtones maya maya. hehehehehe... hulaan nyo?

haha wag na. eto lang yun, sesame street, rugrats, sex and the city tapos powerpuff girls! wahahahahahaha... ewan ko ba... ang cute nila e... :) hihi lalo na yung rugrats.

may exam pala ako bukas. ayoko na muna magpalit ng layout. haha kakatamad.
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yey!

tapos na finals!! hahahaha pagod na ko. ang sakit ng katawan ko. bwahahahahahaha. lamog na lamog sa mata ko. hahahaha iyak ako ng iyak kagabi. bwahahaha sobrang iyakin pala ako... ano ba yan. hehe

gusto ko na umuwi!!!
i miss mommy and daddy! huhuhuhuhu
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drained

fuck.


i hate this day. sobrang gusto ko na magcollapse sa sobrang pagod. putang ina talaga.

ayoko na. gusto ko na matapos to. gusto ko na umuwi. gusto ko naman sumaya! gusto ko na silang batukan lahat.

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sa ugoy ng duyan

our physics lab instructor dismissed us early! hahahaha.... teka. ayoko muna ng all english post kasi... sa mga panahon ngayon super bilis ng flux of ideas and emotions and blah blah blah... hahaha baka makalimutan ko pa kung uunahin ko mag english. bwahahahahaaaa...

honestly, pagod na ko. two weeks na akong haggard! pero on the bright side... NAG EENJOY AKO!!! yun nga lang, naho-homesick na ko. i miss my parents. i miss our home. gusto ko na umuwi! utang na loob! pauwiin nyo na ko! di ko pa nakikita sa harry potter! ikamamatay ko ang hindi sya mapanuod ngayong showing na ang HP5. bwahahahahaaaa...

masaya ako.
masayang masaya.
oo, andyan ang kaba, andyan ang takot pero at the same time... andun ang excitement! gusto ko na to matapos! go lang ng go! pa-sched lang ng pa-sched!! pakabibo, pakabibo! lagi na lang yan ang comment sakin... bwahahaha natural na mahiyain talaga ako... but i'm learning to be a 'performer'. i'm learning to lose my dignity. oy, joke lang. enjoy naman e. iba naman kasi ako mag-isip e. :) and i'm satisfied with the way my mind works. shempre hindi acad-related yan. kasi... napaka ewan talaga ng utak ko pagdating sa acads. ngayon pa nga lang sabaw na utak ko e. arrgghhh, grabe!!!! i wish i had kat's intellect! ang galing nya kasi sa acads e. i mean, tamad ako e. sobrang tamad. pero sige, i'll change. :) bwahahahaaaa.... :) :)

ay nakaka-asar! ung folder ko ng 'instrumental' music... biglang nabawasan ng files!grrrr... parang more than 30 yun e... tapos ngayon 15 na lang!!!! ay nakakainis talaga! favorite ko pa naman ung mga classical pieces don! huhuhuhuhuhuhu :(
pero ang galing kasi ang ganda ng pinapakinggan ko ngayon... isang instrumental guitar piece ng 'sa ugoy ng duyan'... ang ganda ganda talaga! heheheheheheeee.... :)

kat, datu... kaya natin to! hahahahahahahahaaaaa :)
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ay ano ba talaga...

trash ahead

i contradict myself A LOT. sabi ko gusto ko nerd. oo gusto ko yun. nakakatuwa kasi sila. kasi ang smart smart nila tingnan. hahaha. mahilig parin naman ako sa mga naka-glasses. ang galing galing kasi e. hahaha pero hindi basta glasses a, yung iba kasi pamporma lang ang salamin. hmmmph... >_> hehe basta. o diba, ang nice ng mga nerds? ang weird ko talaga. pero di nga, kakaiba ako e. ayoko ng maporma, yung pacute. haha grabe mahahalata mo talaga yun e. di nga, kahit di mo kilala yung tao, mahahalata mong pacute. e ganun, magaling ako mag-observe e. ha.ha.ha.

ang saya ng may dimples. hindi ako! haha isa lang dimple ko. wahaha pero gusto ko dalawa. yun ang una kong napapansin. parati, sa isang tao. hihihihi. wahahaha ryaaaaaann.

ay gusto ko talaga icrash ang wedding nya. wala lang akong sapat na kapal ng muka.

ay nakakainis dito. ayoko talaga na nasa bungad ang computer. WALANG PRIVACY!! ano ba kasi yan dapat dun ako sa dulo e... puro adik andito.

sige sige. ganito kasi yan. lagi ko talaga sinasabi na gusto ko ng mga nerd-looking people. yung nka glasses, matangkad at matalino. sige, dagdag mo na yung dimples para cute... ang kaso,

iba parin ang tunay kong gusto. yun ang hindi ko mapaliwanag. i always set a standard for myself but i end up taking the complete opposite. c ryan nga hindi naman katangkaran e... hihi pero naka glasses at my dimples! hihihi sige sige wag na sya baka patayin nyo na ko.

basta naiinis ako walang privacy dito. pangit.

basta ganito kasi. diba yun nga. i always end up picking the opposite. lam nyo yun. hahaha nakakatuwa lang ang mga nerds pero di sila nakakakilig. wahehehehe. o yun. yun na yun. ewan ko ba kung bakit. sobrang laki ng pagtingin ko sa mga mukang nerd!!! bwahahaha siguro kasi bagsakan ang acads ko. pero yun nga, hindi parin silang tipong naiimagine kong pakasalan... whaaat??!! hahahaha.

ang dami ng sinabi ko pero isa lang naman talaga ang gusto kong sabihin.
my bago akong crush. :)
di katangkaran, di rin mukang nerd. :( pero cute naman. mabait din at ewan ko pa. i really don't mind. we're not even close. pero yun nga e!!! nawi-weirdohan ako sa mga crush ko. parang ang random nilaaaaa. wala akong specific type. mahilig lang ako sa mga nerdy. bwahahahahaha.

hihihihihihi. kelan ko kaya mapapanood si harry potter????? atat na ko! mika i miss you!!!!! ={
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malabong malabo

hihihihi. ever since nagreport ako di na nawala sipon ko... haha, bakit kaya?
a) iyak ako ng iyak kasi lagi ako kinukupal
b) malamig lang talaga ang panahon ngayon, at pa-iba-iba pa
c) masarap uminom ng cold coffee pagkatapos ng klase

ay ang labo. basta the best answer would be c. mula ng nagstart ang reporting, balik ulit ako sa dati kong bisyo... kape dito kape don. hot or iced, go lang ng go. adik nanaman akong muli. kaya hindi nawawala sipon ko!

imagine! dapat bibili ako ng neozep sa botika kanina bago umuwi, pero anong nangyari? ano ang dala ko ng makarating ako sa dorm? isang nagyeyelong cup ng nescafe freeze. omaygad. wala akong disiplina!!! nakakainis!! e kasi naman napaka tempting ng mini-stop! at di hamak na mas malapit sha kaysa sa botika... kaya ayon... kape muna. ay nakakainis talaga ako. di na yata ako gagaling! a basta yun... :) kaya ko to!

ang galing galing ng histats (check my counter)... nakikita ko ung mga search strings ng mga taong napapadpad dito galing sa mga search engines! akalain mo number one parin ang search keyword na 'jindarat kanchana', tapos next dun ay 'which star are you from'! hehehe... go hits!

hmmm... di na ko magpapalit ng layout. nakakatamad e. >_>

uy... kumusta naman ang math36 at chem32 exams? ayon BAGSAK. fuck talaga. di kasi ako nakapagaral ng mabuti... lalo na sa 32 (actually, wala pang results pero duh! i'm just being realistic)... grrrr... what the fuck!!!! T___T!!! eto nanaman ako... pero this time feeling ko talaga hindi ko sha kakayanin! ang hirap grabe!!! as in, 'what the fuck! san galing ang problem na ito!!!!!' ganun sya kahirap... ung tipong mga taga pisay lang ang makakasagot. >_> haha nag-generalize? di naman pero ang hirap talaga. well, di nga kasi ako nakapagaral ng mabuti pero kahit na! feeling ko kahit nag-aral pa ko di ko parin yun masasagot. please Lord, KAHIT TRES!!! wag lang KWATRO O SINGKO!!!! >_>

hehe basta yun. masaya naman ako ngayon. :) ang sarap ng maraming kaibigan. hihihi...

ui si terai! member na ng UPJES (UP junior executive society)!!! hehehe

ay waiiiiitttt! gusto ko sumali sa UP shirt design contest!!! hehehe gud luck sakin!!!! my naiisip na ko pero wala akong oras para gawin sha... grrrr!!! :)

ay basta, please pray for me!!! gusto ko pumasa sa chem32 and 40, chaka math36 and phys3! i'm losing hope!!! T_____T

feeling ko i'm not meant for this. lagi ko paring hinahanap hanap ang html, java at css. hindi kami talo ng mga lintik na atoms na yan. >_>

where is the love????? ;__;
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only reminds me of you

walangya! di pa ko nagaaral sa math and chem! bukas na exam namin! grrr... super wala na akong peraaaaaa!!!! pinangutang ko pa itong pang-internet ko pati na rin yung dinner ko! hahaha kakainis.... pati kape ha, take note, nangutang din ako para lang makainom ng nescafe freeze.... dahil alam kong uumagahin ako sa pag-aaral. :{

naiinis ako. i can't see the bright side of it all. fuck. >_>

o sha, "mag-aaral" na ako.

aynaku. napaka mahiyain ko talaga... >_> ayoko kumanta! ayoko rin sumayaw! ni umarte ayoko din! i hate performing arts! visual arts lang ang gusto ko.. grrrrrrr.....
nauubusan na ako ng hope. hahaha... walang kwenta ang linggong ito! grabe talaga!!! i don't think makakauwi ako this weekend! gusto ko na umuwi!!!!! T___T
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i love nerds

i have another crush! hehehehe, di na ko naubusan ng crush... hehehee but before that... guess where i am? i'm still in LOS BANOS! hehe i didn't go home this weekend because i need to study for my two exams on monday (math36 and chem32) hehe, but apparently i haven't studied yet! hehehehe... :{

eto na yung bago kung crush... ganun parin naman ang mga tipo ko..yung naka-glasses! parang ganito
ang galing galing! hihihi... oha! drinowing ko yan sa MS paint (hehe as usual!) art na bang maituturing ito? o sige, dahil dyan... i'm putting this under art! hahahahahaha
yehey! yehey!
whew! nakakapagod magreport! pero lagi lang tandaan... everything worth waiting is worth having!! yehey yehey!!! :)
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go swallow me whole

do not
aba makulit ka
.
.
.

let me count the times i cried this morning... that's probably gonna sum up to 4x, more or less. fuck. ok, so i'm entering the most crucial part of becoming a member of an organization and by the looks of it, i'm not enjoying it. not even a single bit. sorry, i just have to let this out. but i won't quit. never. unless we get physical. think of the reward arianne! keep moving forward! don't cha-cha! whaaat??!

fuck. what's the main reason of my, uh, shallow outbursts anyway? i didn't study my tickler. i didn't memorize anything, i didn't do a research beforehand on the people i'm going to report to. that's why. i cried because i'm speechless, i can't say anything, i can't answer objective questions. that's why. ohyeah. but i don't mind crying, it's an outlet. >_> oh, and they broke my tickler. fuck. i have to go about the funny stitches again. and it's not even funny to have your tickler look dugyutin right after you felt proud of finishing it.... at 2am.

if you can relate, fine. if you can't... leave this entry.

i'm not taking everything seriously, because that's what they said. ewan, parang mas mahihirapan ako sa objective type of reporting kesa dun sa kinukupal. e kung pagsamahin? patay... >_>

uy ano ba yan, while i was heading home... may mga nakasalubong akong friends. and fuck! you don't know how much i resisted the urge to open up! yung umiyak lang kasi palpak ako. pero hindi pede e... sikretong malupit! >_>

o dibale, first day palang naman e. whatever talaga, ang hirap magpasked, di ko sila kilala lahat. >_>;

hay hay hay. harry potter, i miss you but i can't see you right now. maybe after a month. para solo na kita sa sinehan. kung showing ka pa... :(

sige sige next time ulit... :}
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strange disease

i miss that song! hehehe oooooh it's raining! how's life? fine fine fine! tomorrow is the start of our reporting. i hope i gave them the right impression awhile ago. kamown! i don't want them to test my determination!!! i don't want them to do things like, 'o ano gagawin mo ba o pupunitin ko tickler mo?' oh no, but if ever that happens, bahala sila punitin yung tickler ko! basta ayoko! hahahaha...

homaygulay. harry potter is neaaaarrr! kimmy my daughter have me a HP5 poster from Kzone! yehey!!!

i'm changing this layout very very soon! as soon as i go home this weekend pramis!!! :) i've found a really great skeleton layout for my next layout. whew. everytime i see my prof's laptops i get really envious! i feel like i'm not for chem. eng'g! i feel like i'm really destined for computer science!! i'm fascinated with html, css and java! i like doing stuff with the computer! but there's only one thing holding me back... and that is the huge amount of sweat and braincells i sacrificed taking up my chemistry subjects. and for crying out loud, i'm on my 4th chem already! and it's just my 2nd semester in the university. why back out? go atoms! wtf.

to those who reviewed my stories in ffnet:
thanks a lot! it's been more than a year since i last updated and i'm still getting reviews! thank you thank you! i promise to read more to enhance my grammar. i'm losing it, honestly. >_>

my dormmate says it's abnormal to fancy a celebrity a lot. people say that my 'love' for ryan agoncillo is already abonormal. I BEG TO DISAGREE! i don't even know his birthday!! i only have one picture of him and that's his promotional pic from penshoppe and it's not even with me! i'm not his stalker! i've never seen him in person! but i do love him, as a fan. :) and as a fan, even though it (kinda) hurts to see he's already engaged... i must accept that fact because... it gave him more media exposure. hehehe and that's an advantage... at one point. yeah

he's also the reason why i spell my name R-yan. :) oh! i have a shirt with my name on the back spelled R-yan! hehehe

another one! our japanese dormmate (ate diane) brought his ITALIAN boyfriend here yesterday! we were like, Fernando Jose is that you???? >_> and he's so handsome! his name is Mariano...super tall, very mexicanovela material. cebilisimo! (???) and he brought us a box of swiss chocolates. kamown!!! go ate diane! pakasal na kayo! invite us!!!

i'm itching to change this layout. :{
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death gods eat apples

first it started out as a zit. a common teenager problem. then i scratch it. it bleeds. problem is, it's on my nose. now it looks like a scar. a small dark dot on my nose that threatens to blow up my image. whaaat? i'm so pathetic. you know why? ever since i grew my nails i seem to scratch my skin a lot. like this superwotcher thing on my nose, if i didn't have long nails i would just leave it alone but since they've grown to a normal size, everything unfit that grows on my skins looks scratch-worthy. i hate pimples. everybody thinks i have my period because i don't normaly have pimples unless 'it's near'. >_> yak. hahaha kababawan.

hey. some of our relatives came here today. that's why i cooked! i cooked 3 trays of spaghetti. kamown. i exhausted myself big time, when i walked out of the kitchen i looked like a criminal coz i'm holding a knife (because i'm chopping garlics) and my shirt is painted red (tomato sauce). but i enjoyed cooking for my family... :) there's an incomparable bliss in seeing your loved ones enjoy the food you prepared for them. and my little cousins keep on asking more!! aww i'm so flattered.

also, i'm glad i was cooking the time my cousin, ate ning arrived. she used to invite me outside to have some small talk. she just pretty much checks out on me, to see if my point of view has already been distorted when i entered the university, she asks if i'm already joining a sorority, if my grades are ok... blah. BUT the truth is, she just wants to SMOKE. and she just wants a companion. she can't do it in the house because her husband will stop her. i'm stopping her too! i always remind her smoking is more detrimental to the people around her. and i'm always around her when she smokes. what? are you killing me? so yeah, i'm not gonna go out with her anymore. not if all she's gonna do is smoke. >_>;
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i think it's time...

for me to join an organization. hehehe... actually i've already passed my application to AChEs (alliance of chem. eng'g students)... weird name huh? but it's pronounced ey-ches... like HS. hehehe, it's a new org... just 1 year old! and even though i'm hearing bad rumours about their pioneer members being quitters of various science orgs, it doesn't change my impression of them.

enough about that...

let me share to you this artwork i saw last year in SM megamall

nice huh? now look at the close up


FREAKIN AWESOME!!!

i love my sister so much. naiiyak ako kapag nakikita ko syang nahihirapan or pag nakikita ko syang depressed. pero everytime nangyayari yun, i try hard to supress my tears, kasi alam ko sakin sya kumukuha ng lakas, ng advice and it wouldn't help kung iiyak ako kasama sya. lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya na walang ibang taong makapag-didikta ng mga bagay na dapat nyang gawin. ikaw lang ang makapagsasabi kung kaya mo pa o hindi. kulang sya sa self-confidence. sobrang big deal sa kanya yung pinagdaraanan nya ngayon... pero sa totoo lang.... HINDI DAPAT. e ano kung kinukupal ka? lahat ng applicante kinukupal! natural yon! dahil shempre hindi rin naman basta basta ang pagpasok sa isang org. e ano kung mabagal ka mag-isip? sabihan ka ng inconsistent?

ano ba ang goal ng reporting? it's just a way for you to introduce yourself to the org. yun lang yon. di mo kailangan sumayaw ng 'makulay ang buhay' o 'adoodoodoo', self-humiliation yun (unless enjoy ka)

terai i love you! pero naiinis ako sayo gusto kita batukan! kelangan ko pang icheck sa tambayan kung andun yung kaibigan kong pwede nyang pagreportan kasi mabait yon! bakit ganun? bakit ka natatakot? nangunguna ka sa batch nyo! 3 tao na lang abot mo na yung quota! why stop now? ano baaaa nahihirapan na ako sayo... terai naman e. hangang 2am kitang kinakausap, tapos at that time feeling ko gets mo na kasi parang super bumalik yung confidence mo, pero kinabukasan ano? sasabihin mo na ayoko pa magreport, hindi ko pa kaya! WTF terai! wtf talaga! lagi namin sinasabi na kung ano yung mga naririnig mo sa isang tenga, ilabas kaagad sa kabila! pero what's happening? hindi makalabas yung mga negative thoughts dahil bago maka-exit sa other ear, nagpepenetrate muna sa brain mo!

kamown terai! kaya mo yan eh, alam ko! 1 week na lang utang na loob a. patulugin mo naman ako. pati ako napupuyat sa tuwing uuwi ka after your batch meeting.

aynaku terai. rewarding naman yan afterwards eh. >_>

ay ewan. lagi namin sya pinagsasabihan. pero mahina pa rin ang loob.

dear Lord,
yung prayer ko? sinulatan na kita? asan na? please Lord, MAKE IT ASAP.
amen.

omaygulay.
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i have much to learn

good news: i was really angry about broadband days ago but now we're okay. i said sorry to the modem (literally) and we reconciliated. now he's running at 100mbps -- according to the LAN properties --- which is really fast, but i still can't figure out how it is being distributed to the browser windows i open, but it's fast now... yey

i want to have red hair

-- right now, i'm trying to figure my hands on capturing flash videos and converting them to avi or mpeg or any windows supported video format. i reinstalled my VLC player because the FLV player i got from applian doesn't play (for some retarded reason) the flv files i downloaded from keepvid. damn and i even made a tutorial on it... pardon my incredibility. when i finally figure out the right things (and freewares to use), i will get back on that.

for now, let's just say i'm still 'experimenting'. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULY!!!!
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