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i'm 80% convinced it's scam, but i still want to know for sure. the bad reviews i got from the net are from users who PAID a registration fee to be able to avail of their job offers, but didn't get paid for the job they offered. what i want to know is, is it the same for the FREE JOB option, which i'm working at right now?

in Ken Out Source (currently www.online-home-jobs.com, i hear they change names every once in a while LOL), there two types of jobs you can do: paid and free. in PAID, you pick a job offer, pay a registration fee, and begin working, then you get paid based on your work output. the jobs are basically data entry (form filling, surveys, copy paste etc.). in FREE, you register for a payroll account, find your unique standard linking code and have as many people click on it. they say it's $0.50 per click (which is freaking big for a pay-per-click job) and that the minimum earnings required for a cash-out is $100.

as of writing, i have already earned $46.50 ever since i started giving away my link 8 hours ago. NOW i want to know if they're really gonna pay me once i reach $100 or they're gonna suddenly ban me before i can cash out for several fabricated reasons such as illegal clicks and use of bots. I'M NOT SURE AND I'M NOT COUNTING ON IT, cos yknow how it goes with easy-money job formats.

i'll update you soon! >:)

haha i never learn, do i? hahaha

but we'll see! the more clicks i get, the sooner i'll know if it's really true! so help me verify this thing by clicking on the link below, as if not finding a single good comment from google isn't enough, HAHAHA

click on this link and help me find out! there's nothing to lose! just click on it, no signups required! >:) it would mean a lot to me!

either i'll have something to warn you about, or i'll get you guys as my referals. hehe >;)


30-day April meme! ok i'll start tomorrow. i know i'd risk being redundant here cos the answers are scattered somewhere in this blog and my previous blog but yeaaahh, let's do this for fun! and for being redundant ok hehe
i miss the times when i can just run to anyone and talk about anything that bothers me. i miss the times when i could freely chat with anyone who's waiting for a class, like a good friend . i miss the times when i was still so open about anything. i miss the trust i gave to the people around me. back then i felt more alive, more at peace. i felt like the entire world is a friend who will not betray me.

but now everything's different. i've closed my heart. i've shut my mouth. the world whom i thought was a friend turned out to be a backstabbing foe. what happened was that i learned too much. too much of what people say behind my back. too much about their insecurities, their selfishness and their bottomless craving for attention. i was betrayed. and it was enough to alter my view on life and people in general. i've come to watch my actions more, and see through my words better. i learned how you cannot trust anybody more than yourself, more than God. that i shouldn't walk around wearing my heart on my sleeve, giving everyone a piece of myself.

it's a lonely journey. but there is peace in solitude. epiphanies are born when you're alone. the world whom i regarded as a friend, is now but an acquaintance. and everyone else whom i gave a piece of myself to, i have left to wonder as to why i have inched away from the usual glee. it is a choice. a choice for more privacy and for lesser, but quality friends.

you shouldn't trust people. even your closest friends. i'm not excluding myself, i am not to be trusted. never trust me. if that's a chore for you, then i'll do my part. i won't give you a chance or reason to trust me. i've had enough of being trustworthy. and for a while i've noticed that as the trust grows, the expectation doubles. and it kills.

ignorance is bliss. there is beauty in not knowing. there is pleasure in being a fool.
there are things i wish i hadn't known. things i wish hadn't asked. and things i wish i was never curious about. but accounting it all on human nature, the best i can do is surrender to it. because an unappeased appetite is lethal and it could cost my soul to perish more than my mind would if i was fed about it.

what i really miss is having a real-life human confidante. or a real best friend. emphasis on real. someone i could dump my ideas and crap to... in real-time. like, right now! haha >:\
people are smart. if they're down, they don't need your advice. they know what to do. they just want your company.

my problem is. i hate seeking advice from people who keep on saying "i told you so!" or other close variants like, "i've been telling that to you ever since and you never listened" and blaaaahhhh. and if i actually followed their advice they'll go bragging that they're the wise guru who told me what to do that's why i'm leading the good life right now. ugh

in short, i hate seeking advice from people. cos sometimes they do it not because of genuine concern, but just for showing off. guess what, people say the same things. each problem has a generic solution. people know what to do with their problems, but sometimes they just want the assurance that they're doing the right thing by validating it from friends.

kamownnnn
dream segments entry again cos i keep on snoozing the alarm clock!

I.
// movie night out at trinoma with UP AChES brods and sisses but i only saw the brods, specifically kuya jhomar and kuya omeng.
// walking along trinona i saw tsia (from hs). tapos kuya jhomar was calling out to us to buy tickets already cos the lines are long.
// tas parang i walked along dun sa part na fountain dapat pero walang tubig tas nung dumaan ako nagkatubig so nabasa ako. eh. naalala ko yung suot ko, green shirt, red shorts! >:))

II.
// at home, we were eating dinner yata tapos mommy showed as a plate of exotic food. exotic = snake. galing sa ref so malamig at immobile sya. maliit lang yung snake sa plato, kulay brown, mga isang ruler ang haba. bale ulo ng anaconda, buntot ng rattle snake. sabi ni mama vibrator snake daw yun. tas kinuha ni mama yung snake tas biglang nagising! as in nag-'ssssssss'. di naman natuklaw si mama haha pero natakot ako.
// tas naghuhugas daw ako ng pinggan tas tong si ate wilma nag-scary face sa may bintana sa harap ko tas naasar ako pinagalitan ko yata na wag ako tatakutin ng ganon blah blah blah.

III.
// somewhere sa bahay, either basement or kitchen di ako sure. me mga nakakulong na mga kalalakihan sa isang kwarto tas nakadungaw sila dun sa parang window. muntanga lang pero as i remember, lahat ng faces nila blacked out sa paningin ko. di ko sila kilala. tas ako yata nagbabantay blah blah tas natuwa yata ako so inalok ko sa kanila yung upuan ko sabi ko, "gusto nyo upuan?" tas binuhat ko papunta sa kanila tas parang narealize ko na gagamitin nila yun para tumakas so binawi ko.
// e naabot na pala nila! i mean ni PIOLO. ok so nakikipag-agawan ako ng upuan kay piolo sa aking panaginip e lamnyo naman sa panaginip pag-action na ang genre, biglang slowmo lahat parang nawalan ng gravity sa mundo. wala akong kalakas lakas tas parang lumulutang na ko sa ere sa kakahila sa upuan. haha
// in short nakatakas sila. tas hina-hunting ko sila isa isa sa bahay ala spy. tas me nakita ako isa so i kinda glomped on him eh si ace pala (bf ng barkada ko). tas ayon. di ko na maalala.
//lumabas ako sa gate tas nakita ko me mga van na nahihintay sa labas. as i recall, sila yata yung mga "bossing" na nagpa-kidnap yata dun sa mga preso namin blah blah e nakatakas nga diba so yung isang lolo dun, "HANAPIN SILA" so bumalik ako sa loob, tas me pinasunod na alagad (mejo afro yata) si "bossing" tas bumaba sya dun sa basement na pinaghihinalaang pinagtataguan ng mga katatakas lang na kalalakihan.
//nung bumaba sya, di ako sumunod feeling ko kasi babarilin sya dun. tas nung nasa baba na nga sya, me nagbato ng, oh well, oversized santol. feeling ko fruit bomb yun so...

nagising ako. haha
feeling mo meron pero wala. pero minsan feeling mo talaga meron! minsan meron talaga, pero minsan wala. haha anlabo. nakakalasing kasi yung jam legend. matapos ang 2 hours ng walang tigil na laro, feeling ko lahat ng bagay dahan dahang lumulutang seryoso. me kakaibang effect kasi yung dropping notes chka yung background nung webpage. may hypnotic effect sya. haha feeling ko nga may powers ako pero bangag lang talaga.

ok. next song!
it's the perfect distraction, probably the devil's advocate for making sure i do nothing productive at all. i'm jammin in the insane level and still honing ma skills so i can be legendareh in no time! bwahaha! i'm pretty caffeinated right now, plus i got around 4 hours of siesta awhile ago so i'm alive as heaven! >XD

this gotta stop but i don't want to! i only have one thing lined up today, and that's to do some kickin subnettin. then i hafta cook somethin up to make this project look believable like crazy. ugh. i dunno. times are getting harder. i'm supposed to be payin the bills today but i'm broke as hell and i only have enough to pay for 1 statement. and i have 2. so uhm. hmm.

donate? >XD
or just gimme a job! not online tho. >:(


my mom and i quarreled over my summer working plans. i have it! i have my resume (in mind hehe)! and i'm pretty impressed at it! one year and i've earned so much to brag about. i'm about to distribute it to uhm, places where i can get a decent summer day job but she doesn't want me. says i'm wasting my youth tryna earn money like i have no parents who can support me.

truth is, it's not about bein an adult and all. i'm just too materialistic, earth-bound, and prideful and i dun wanna bother my parents with things i don't need (in a parents' perspective), say a laptop, a decent cellphone, a mp3 player, a set of sharpies, kurecolor, flats etc etc etc. so i figured i have to earn money for these luhoSSSS. >:)

naaah, they just want me to go to driving school. haha haynako kung alam nyo na lang kung gano ko kagusto matuto magdrive pero natatakot ako kasi nerbyosa nga ako. nasstress ako pag me biglang sumusulpot na kung ano, like speeding cars, honking buses, and motorcycles, EVEN WHEN I'M NOT THE ONE DRIVING. gives me heeeelll yeah.

ok back to jam legend! >XD
for future reference cos i keep on forgetting the proportions! >:D

a tray is usually equal to *properly chilled(2 packs of nestle all purpose cream + 1 can of daisy condensed milk) + 1 pack of graham crackers.

* - freezer for an hour! >:D
otherwise, uhm... plus 1 cream plus 0.5 condensed.

okokokokokokokok
noted!
do you know how hard it is for me to write an article? first of all, it's not like blogging where i can spontaneously dump ideas and not give a crap. i have to research, sit down for hours, get a point and mind map. i also can't write without a dictionary software and internet. writing is sooo damn hard and time consuming for me, and i wanna know how it goes to other people. how fast can you write? say, 500 words about hair loss solutions? how fast can you paraphrase? lol i feel so inferior in this field. i mean, ever since they learned i can write... they gave me a load of things to write about. argh e wala lang, just ranting! writing is extreme mental labor for me and i don't think i can ever get used to it. but did you know that i wanted to become a writer before? i also wanted to be a broadcast journalist! a news anchor! a voice actor! ok, enough about my frustrations.

me narealize ako, my forte is in the arts (for once i'll try sounding all confident about this) but because i'm not pursuing it, it becomes a frustration. you don't want your forte to become a frustration just because you're academically constraint. but that's what's happening eh so for now i'll enjoy this frustration. someday i'll work on it haha.

but for now, RESEARCH MOWDDD.

kelangan lang talaga maging understanding para maiwasan ang pagiging judgmental. minsan gusto kong mag AB psychology eh para mas marationalize ko tong mga ganitong bagay kaso naisip ko, mas maganda yung ikaw mismo ang nakakabatid ng mga bagay bagay without theory. hehe masaya sya. >:D hohoho

madami pang kelangan ayusin but at least we're inching closer it. >:)
so i was doing my rounds at the lab and i came into a bit (kindof but not really haha) of realization.... that the most important thing i learned from resigning from the library is to NEVER BRING YOUR PROBLEMS TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW COULD NOT HELP.

if you have a problem and you want it solved, talk to the people who could help you. specially to the person involved, or just the nearest person you could afford to get involved. sometimes people say they only want someone to listen to them, but come on. that's IMPOSSIBLE. i mean, yeah people will listen but at the back of their heads they'll have their own say about it, so at least get ready for some unsolicited input, which can't be helped. and you gotta be thankful for this, cos at least you know your friend's doin some brainwork analyzing your crap.

those who listen will either


a) agree to you, to how grave your situation is, how you're such a victim in all of it, how you don't deserve that kinda crap, blah blah blah that's the easiest way to deal with ranting/sharing friends. AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY SAY. or better yet, add up to it, if only to make your friend feel better! share your own experiences about it! they need to let it out after all, and it's a flattering thing to be the "chosen" one, yafeel trustworthy with that ayt? that's one, make your friend feel he made the right choice of coming to you for a breather.

but yknow, if you agree to much nothing will get solved. for example (and from personal experience too! bwaha), you hate a person and you share it to your friends and you find other people who hate the same person... what happens is that you form an anti-*insert name here* fan base and you bash the person every time you meet. eventually you feel good hating the person. do not share your problems for personal gratification.

b) agree then advise. just take note once you've given advice, give your entire thinking into it and show how you came to that advice, pull out an entire manuscript of your perfectly impartial psychoanalysis to back yourself up, cos once you lay it down, YOU'RE INVOLVED.

most of the time people prefer the a) way. nobody wants uncalled-for comments, if you see the person is still hot off the grill, a) is the best way. you don't wanna mess with the temper, specially if you gonna advice something that will make your friend seem at fault too. yknow. problematic people are the protagonists. YOU HAVE TO HELP THEM. they have to emerge the winner.

i know how frustrating it is not to be able to let out your problems. BUT if you think it's just gonna get messier, then by all means, keep the rant to yourself, to your blog, to your art, to your music... unless you want it fixed.

//end rant (uhh yes that's my rant)

ay ewan. nakaka-frustrate lang! parang kanina i was crying at school kasi badtrip na badtrip ako tapos i saw a friend sa labas tas gusto ko lang tumabi at umiyak kaso sabi ko, may klase pa ko, chaka ano naman sasabihin ko? wala naman akong masasabing maganda. chaka me solusyon naman na. so ayon nag-CR na lang ako at nagpatuyo ng mata. kainisssssss. >:\

PS: siguro God is watching over me. on the last two times i tried to smoke, burilyaso lagi. nung una, muntik mahuli ni bossing. tapos awhile ago, nakasabay ko maglakad si Diane! Diane! holy Diane! i mean, that's someone from our bible study group. >:\ argh. the cigs were ardy in my pocket yknow.
to what lengths do you have to tell people how terribly you hate someone? does it have to reach 10 people? 20? the whole world? where is the sensitivity? where is the hope for reconciliation? when everyday you involve people who aren't supposed to know in the first place?


you don't do that to friends. you just don't. at least if you want to keep the friendship. if.

now everyday we're faking it. everyday we're troubled. everyday we don't know what to do. who to tell things to. who to trust and who to hang out with. everyday we start over. same lies, same crap.

this friendship is getting worse by the minute.

and seriously, it's hard to just talk to anyone about it because everyone's freakin biased, polluted, untrustworthy. and people just end up agreeing to it. NO ONE WANTS TO HELP. everyone wants to get back at someone. people listen because it's a certified "scoop". the crap gets thicker and thicker.


bat di na lang kasi ayusin?
puro na lang paninira.

EDITED TO ADD: and it's not about who's at fault here. it's not about who started doing shit and whatnot. not because you didn't do anything, means you shouldn't do anything. i mean, everybody does nothing and still gets hated. if you really want to work things out, you'll humble yourself and talk it over. personally.
complimentary breakfast for two at Spiral Restaurant, Sofitel last Saturday. shared this eat all you can buffet with terai HAHA because mommy and daddy are on a "healthy" diet. bwahaha i traded my morning class for this but it's all worth it. the food mehn! >:D

thank you mommy for bringing us here again, and for granting us compli breakfasts every year for like 10 years already hehe! i love you and congrats for being, finaaalleeeeh, a lifetime MDRT member! >XD you worked hard for it and you deserve it! yehey!

so what's cool with this is that on top of the breakfast, we get a free hotel accommodation. that means free pool, sauna, jacuzzi, gym, (shampooconditionersabonshowergeltootbrushtootpastepencilstationerysewingkit), AND CABLED TV. bwahahaha

on the food. yak ang arte! rume-review! e kasi i remember 3 years ago, lumamon ako dito! pero ngayon parang hindi ko na trip lahat! dati kaya one plate per cuisine! e ilang stations yon, mga more than 5 hahahaha ngayon, uhm, lugi akoooo!!!! ang naenjoy ko lang ay etong platong ito chaka yung coco crunch. ewan ko ba! gutom naman ako! >:\


platong ito

plate 1 of 4 ni terai

sooo ipinuslit ko na lang sina mommy ng isang platong mixed pastries HAHA i dunno if we're allowed to bring food upstairs but based on their 360 degrees camerasss, i figured it would be an embarrassing thing to be caught doing it so we looked for a "well-positioned" table and bagged the entire plate of breadssss. i mean, ang squatter ba? but daddy brought me muffins before when he ate at Spiral! >:D feeling ko ok lang naman.
terai was reading her horoscope and it was bad. she was in her room, and i was there doing some ironing. she looked desperate and frustrated and was in the verge of violently throwing things out of anger. then she calls out to the freakin newspaper... something like "what do i have to do to blah blah blah?!?!??!!!" then there's a freakin voice who responded, "do you really want to know?" in a deep manly voice i could assume was the devil. then it whispered something to terai, something like "SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR MOM AND KILL YOURSELF".

and then terai was freaking heading to mommy and i was like alarmed and crying like crazy so i raced to mommy as well haha parang, "MAAAAAA!!!!" sabay iyak! then idk what happened next basta next thing i know i was chasing terai upstairs and was still crying like baboy cos i freakin don't want her to kill her freaking self, then she went to her room and i was like "NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *don't lock the doooooor*"

well, she didn't. and i was like "HUHUHU TERAI PAGUSAPAN NATIN TOOOOO"
then i woke up sniffing and crying. alam nyo yung mega iyak with matching sinok pa. nakakainissss. kaparanoid lang eh so i texted terai. e wala lang.

okasi diba ansarap syumesta ng hindi nagdadasal. >:\
CAPTCHA typing jobs require you to log-in to a website using the details your employer gives you. then it's just a matter of typing words that appear on an image, like what you do to verify you're human when you comment here. you type words as much and as correctly as you can. then based on the number of correct words you've delivered, the company pays you.

so, what's it for?

all i know is that it's actually part of a large illegal work. so basically when you get hired for this, you're probably gonna work for an evil guy though that doesn't necessarily mean he won't pay you, cos of course scammers also need people to work for them.

besides working for a scammer, other things to be suspicious about this kind of job is that

1. job description is inaccurate
for example the job posting is entitled, "DATA ENTRY -- type PDF to EXCEL"
but then the employer replies to your application with the real thing, that it's a captcha typing job, gives you a quota, username and password and blaaaah

if it's a legit job, why put misleading job postings?

2. the QUOTA. most of them captcha bosses will usually give you a 10,000 words quota before releasing your payment of around $10-50. 10,000 is a big number. even if you're a ridiculously fast typer, you have to put up with

a. slow image loading. it loads one by one yknow, and their server could get really fucked up at times. i'm into 2 captcha jobs right now and they're both damn slow.

b. excessive errors that could lead to your account being banned. which means, you're not getting paid. they could even fake this for all you know.

with those in mind, try to compute how much you can type in a day. it's too disheartening, you'll end up waiting (for the images to load) more than you could type. and they're asking for a minimum of 10k correct entries before you get paid? when will you ever get there, srsly? i'm not sure if they actually pay but based on the quota they set, it's almost impossible for you to get paid. it's like those pay-per-click websites that make you hope in vain.

and i think, the reason for this very large quota is that... they never really expect anyone to reach it. so when an employee drops out of the project, the company benefits because that person has accomplished a couple of words at least, and they didn't have to shell out a single buck for it. so imagine if 100 workers drop out in a day, and these people have typed at least 100 words each? then the company gets 10,000 words typed for free when they could've paid $10 for it.

and the last reason why i find these job fishy...

3. preassigned username and password
before you start the typing job, your employer will give you a username and password for the website/program you're gonna use. you don't get to create it yourself. which i find weird because, at least your work has to be credited under your account. i still don't understand this haha but err, it feels wrong.

so there, i've had it with MAKE EASY MONEY JOBS. they're easy, but in the long run they're never worth it.

argh. does this mean i'm stuck with writing forever? >:\
WWW.OMEGLE.COM

LOL so on the three times i tried to open a conversation with a "hey there, spider!" every freaking stranger disconnects. as in, instantly. it breaks my heart. one even said, "i' m not a spider", then logged out. errr

but there was one, just one who replied with a, "no, i'm a bug"
and i knew i could talk to this dude. cos he's a freakin bug and i smell nerd!!!!

and boy was i right.
yess ang haba ng hair ko sa panaginip ko! >:))) inaway daw ni james si brian dahil sinaktan at pinaiyak ako. suntukan, sosyal! tas mejo pinapanuod ko lang sila tas pinipicturan habang umiiyak haha anlabo. tapos tapos nagvanity shot din ako tas nakita ko antanda ko na! with wrinkles and everything! kaloka! @_@ weird casting din pala.

tas nagising ako sa alarm clock so shempre ini-snooze ko. e patay yung ilaw, e dapat mag-aaral ako so binuksan ko. e ayaw bumukas so pinuntahan ko si daddy sabi ko papalit ng ilaw. e ayaw nya so natulog ulit ako.

tas nung nagising ako bukas na yung ilaw tas patay na yung alarm clock tas 2am na. narealize ko, panaginip lang pala yung kanina. kasi hindi ko pinatay yung ilaw bago ako natulog. nakaka-confuse in fairness.

me isang part na andun si yannah at martin tas nagbbike ako sa LB yata yon.

tas me isang part din na nagpipicture kami ni mommy, daddy, terai sa kalsada (ewan ko kung san) tas parang webcam shots yung lumabas, yung me warp effect. ekek

tapos yun. puro fragments sya kasi alarm ako ng alarm e tulog parin naman ako ng tulog. so ngayon, eto ica-cram ko muna yung mga dapat isulat.

good morning!
i was in a beach wedding tas magkaka-tsunami daw. we were on the shore na e when the water started receding so i grabbed my bag dun sa table, along with stuff on it. naalala ko me dalawang bible dun eh, i grabbed both tas parang yun lang dapat dadalin ko pero kinuha ko parin yung ibang mga bagay bagay sa lamesa.

end dream.
the entire world is convinced that the end of the world is near and that the earth is bound to be destroyed completely by fire. so the world leaders invested everything within monetary value to construct a space ship that will house all 6 billion (and more) people in the world and transport them to a confirmed habitable area at planet Mars.

however, the truth behind this space ship is that it cannot hold the entire human populace. everyone has been tricked into thinking that they are safe as long as they're inside the ship, the people behind this deception thought it was the best thing to keep the people in peace and avoid any operational hindrances. But once the aerial vessel takes off, sections of the ship will disengage according to script, leaving billions of people behind. as planned, it has to look like an accident, an unforeseen mechanical glitch that resulted to abandoning half (or even more) of the world in order to save the human race.

//end plot
because i'm feeling sad just thinking about it

okay. actually, if it has to be movie material, i'd pick a random retired (or fired) aeronautics engineer who accidentally finds out the blueprint of the ship and debates whether it's safe for take off (considering the humongous weight). LOL it could be a matter of common sense but yknow, it's the end of world and it's the only ship that could take ye to mars haha. so mr. random engr tries to get his family off the to-be-abandoned part of the ship and gets into an expected moral dilemma. "authorities" found out and tried to buy him into keeping the secret in exchange for his and his families safety but hmm, could he really?

// eeeeennd!
cos i dunno how to make a happy ending for this haha


hindi ako si darna.

i'm sorry. nag-guilty ako but i also need time to recharge! i know you need someone to talk to BUT i'm simply TOO BUSY. at alam ko na pag sinagot ko ang tawag mo:

  • isang oras tayong mag-uusap. ma-eexpose tayo pareho sa harmful radiation LOL
  • mapapa-mcdo ako ng wala sa oras. pamasahe + food = bankruptcy
  • i'll feel useless in the end cos i'm not capable of giving sound advices. not an issue, i know, cos sometimes people just need company but...

it's not that i don't wanna hear you out, i wanted to talk to you too kaso i can't afford it right now. i mean, why do you have to cry every time you call me. more than being flattered i feel extremely guilt tripped.

>:\
last night i told my dad not to come to school this morning cos i wanna sleep more, and he agreed! so i put off my alarm clock and slept peacefully without worrying about the pesky snooze! e kaso when i woke up, daddy changed his mind eh i was so groggy and lazy so i told him i'm not coming to class, and if anyone was curious why, just tell them i'm sick. and he did! i received 'get well soon' messages from my friends and well, natawa lang ako. and somehow, i felt sick. i dunno if it's about the messages that implies i'm sick or about a little lie that's becoming true but either way, i felt eerily sick! it suddenly became to cold for comfort and the bed became more inviting than ever. hallerrrr. sino kayang makapangyarihan?

hay Lord. i just lost 1k. san na ba napunta yun? hindi pa naman sakin yun nakakasar lang eh. buti na lang me pamalit ako. or baka naman wala talaga sakin in the first place? arg stress. pera. stress. grrr
sure the plates have been moving all along as it has for the past billion years but argh it's too depressing that it has to move that freaking much and hit japan so badly. i'm moved to tears at what my tumblr friends has flooded me with on their dashboards and it sucks because for japan, it's just the first wave. earthquake, tsunami, nuclear meltdown threat, tons of casualties, blaaaah! so much tragedy has occurred and we aren't even past the first quarter of the year. how bad is this still going to get? Looooord.

on another note. the school website put off the hits column on the list of latest news! why! i was watching how many visitors came to my "speech" page. hey, it was leading! haha maybe they should update the permalink too, it's weird. >:O

on yet another note. hate talk tayo.

i've improved! when i was in highschool, my blog has a category called hate-list where i blind-item despicable classmates and entities from school. anyway, checking these so called entries now i don't even remember who they were, or what they've done and i could only laugh at how foully i've reacted to their hmm, "presence" haha.

ewan. i think i'm not the kind of person to hold grudges or whatever. i tend to forget over time bwahaha depending on the type of attachment i have. most of the people i hate are hated universally bwahaha therefore the guilt of wrongfully channeling my wrath is divided into multitudes! bwahahaha

more so, i firmly believe that everyone has a good side. and as i've mentioned before, it depends on which angle you're seeing the person from. there are people who have larger bad sides that when faced upfront look like walls, when it fact it's just a single side of their whole being. either you move it to one angle, or you walk to that place. choice is yours, or ours, or mine. bwaha

i realized calling people flirts is bad, no matter how perfectly it describes them and no matter how no other adjective could compare hehehe everything people display is a part of their nature, and being a flirt could well be a consequence some genetic experiment their parents did way back. on the ride home i did some quick psychoanalysis on why people are the way they are how much understanding must i allot per friend. and it was soooo cool. i realized that the only flirts i hate are those who snake into my crushes' lairs. otherwise, i couldn't care less. i could always look on the brighter side! it's not like a social misunderstanding could ruin a good friendship! hallerrr so not worth it.

then again. there are two (pwedeng 3) types of friends (or pwede ring lovers, but i prefer classifying this under friend types)

1. accepters
2. changers
3. both

need i say more? most of the time they're both but you know, more than being a list it could also be a process. BUT there are times when you just need 1 and not 2, and sometimes just 2 and not 1, even when a person can be both. HAHA gets nyo? anlabo yata lolz

personally, i'm more of #1... depends on how much i care for the person. and so far, the only people i could be #2 with is my immediate family specially terai and daddy haha. it's hard to be #2 with your friends cos there's the risk of being misunderstood. and no matter how much that change is geared towards the common good, it's hard to remove your personal interest with it. like, you're only changing the person to suit your taste. isn't that selfish? so yknow, before trying to alter someone's lifestyle or nature, be sure you're in the right position and that you're doing it selflessly, and finally... that you'll stick around even after the change, even after the change has gone bad.

yun lang! it's quite a bother hating people for something you know won't change.

LOL case in point goooone. wth am i trying to say again? haha
james told me they already posted the thing, and though i had a hard time navigating my way through the website, it's worth the search! here you go! oh holy link!

Be Inspired. Dream High

credits to James for putting up a title, i suck at titles. haha 9 facebook shares. i feel proud. lumelevel amp! haha

ok. this entire night and morning is dedicated to our friggin softeng prowject!
uhm. Lord. why is this happening. i dunno what's worse, my smoking or my ludicrous incapacity to brew some kindof mutual understanding with my crushes. this is crazy but i'm not getting any younger and if by this age i should already have an average of 2 boyfriends, then i must suck so much as a woman! heh i'm 20 and i can't even handle a single conversation. every time i get reminded of how much creativity i lack with responding to potential love lives, i get stumped. this is not to sound desperate but yknow, i'm twennnyyy and i'm clueless on how to deal.

if my responses were to be programmed in a switch, the default is probably the most executed case. in which i state

default = no reaction
to the point that it gets misinterpreted as utter non-interest... which can't be helped! argh
there's the guilt. i'm planning on doing something kindof mean, i just couldn't bring myself to do it because i don't want to seem sarcastic. i'm sure there's still something worth saving in this friendship, but i can't fix it right now because i haven't recovered from the pain yet. which was, of course, self-inflicted and was all brought by virtue of being extremely curious, possessive, narrow minded, judgmental and in love.

i can't be sure if i did what's best, but ever since i did it, i hasn't plagued me that much. this is probably one of the few times i contemplate about it, about that action. i don't ever regret doing that. except that i wish there was a complete information blackout about you for me. i don't want to hear anything. i don't want to know anything more. i shut you off first, and it was choice i made to save myself. albeit being selfish, that's how i deal. and i'm not missing you.

BTW. the 08s are exiting the school in a few weeks, so wtf but i sorta have to get a replacement for JM. and i just did! i'm calling him Tenjo for no reason at all. he's good looking, smart and ftr, he wears glasses. >8D enough to pull a heartstring! >:D ok! akin na toooo!!! mygaaahhd age doesn't matter now, does it? i'm losing it, call 163 for me. >XD

ok, i have a plan. i have to get in his class next tri! someone get me the accounting curriculum LOOOOL

school is no fun without crushes!

70% off means 70% more people.
i was hoping electroworld would put my dream creative zen style on sale. but no. heh.
for archiving! >:)
Entry for the FEU ACP Peace Essay chorva

"We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach."
- Bertrand Russell

One cannot talk about uprightness without digging close to the lawn of morality, honesty, integrity, proper judgment and all critically discussed virtues. After all, they’re neighbors and serve as fine gauges of whether we are actually being upright or otherwise. Morality has everything to do with our ability to discern what's right and wrong, and from consistently doing what is right, we grow to be upright. From being honest, simple and straightforward, we are veering from hypocrisy and deceit. From adhering to the socially accepted moral standards, we are regarded as good citizens.


Apparently, choosing between the good and bad and the right and wrong have varying levels of difficulty, and we can all attest to that. How hard is it to choose between littering and not? And yet, what do we do? How hard is it to decide on leaving a partner who beats us every time he gets the chance to? And yet, out of love and an unconditional sense of forgiveness that defies all standards of rational thinking, what do we do? If being upright is doing the right thing unwaveringly, then why do the consequences weigh so heavily, like we are never to get anything right, the easy way?

Much has been said about the value of being upright and the honor that goes along with being righteous, but no clear line has been set on how to achieve it, much like with every other virtue, it is relative, and subject to every social phenomenon. Its concept is inculcated variably in different cultures and constructs and there is no legal basis to judge it. Perhaps being upright requires a certain level of discipline of consistently doing that which we consider right, and it varies. Every person has his own concept of right and wrong. Every person is governed by different sets of rules, each for the different roles he plays each day. If being upright is measured by a person’s level of adherence to the rules set before him, say, in a workplace, then you have got a scale for a diligent employee. Similarly, in the campus, we are bound to a set of rules that defines our overall student conduct. We get merits for getting good grades, for paying the tuition fee on time, and for not doing anything that will endanger a clean record.

Luckily, we do not need to bother guessing what’s right and wrong if we’re in a closed group or organization (i.e. office, school, etc.). Everything has already been laid out in the form of by-laws. All we need to do is obey them in a strict manner and we are good to go. On the other hand, life outside the campus and the workplace isn’t governed by these objective rules. Life is much harder than having to pick the right colored trash bin to throw your non-biodegradable waste to. The way you live your life to uprightness relies solely on your beliefs, your perception of good and bad and the level of integrity you put into it.

Organizations train us into becoming morally perceptive individuals, by stating rules which are socially credited, they help our depository of right morals grow. Hopefully this should help us discern better but ultimately, it’s a great stepping stone in attaining the upright life state. FEU is one such example of a system advocating this challenging virtue. If fortitude is the courage of consistently gathering ourselves up after consecutively being tripped over by adversities, and excellence is a consequence of putting quality and diligence at first, then uprightness is what holds our moral sense altogether, an integral virtue in every decision we consider in life. Uprightness, being the U in FEU’s core virtues must be held up with high regard.

As students, being upright could simply mean being honest in everything we do. Conventional knowledge says to not cheat, to throw our trash at the right bins, to observe silence in classes, to respect the professors, etc. There is nothing to be argued about these things because we were brought up to believe that they are part of our common sense and doing otherwise will give us demerits. There is no moral evaluation needed because the stated clauses are fully accepted and preferred behaviors, yet the option to do otherwise still remains. While we all know that every rule the school administration imposes is intended for the welfare of each student, not everyone could understand that every rule demands a certain degree of discipline. The right thing doesn’t always come in a cheap package. Doing the right thing is not always the most practical thing to do, but if we put effort into, we sow the seeds of uprightness on the way to success.

Throwing at the right places could prove to be such a pain in the neck especially if we’ve walked a hundred yards past the nearest trash can. A piece of candy wrapper couldn’t be of major harm to an already littered street, so what damage could it bring to us and our conscience, right when we know the community cleaners will sweep it away any time of the day? There’s not much to consider, just a single piece of non-biodegradable junk to be dropped on the concrete sidewalk, and to be swept clean in no time. Why bother walking all the way back, when we can just throw it and be over with it, just like how everybody else does?

Every little thing matters, what mindset we put in such a trivial thing will reflect on how we handle the bigger, more intricate problems in life. If we can’t even make a single harmless sacrifice and start being concerned with doing the right thing, then it’s a flat road we’re trekking now. We were taught about this at school, practical application is as easy as it seems, yet pragmatic reasoning often blinds us from seeing the light of doing the right thing.

Cheating as a moral dilemma has been widely discussed in forums all over. It’s easy to avoid it if we studied, but if we didn’t and it’s the only thing that could save our education, and ultimately our future, what is there to lose? They say it is better to cheat than to repeat, and I’ve seen myself agree to that a hundred times in the span of my being a student. It could be safely assumed that no one gets a degree without ever having to cheat even a single item from a petty homework. Add the fact that everyone’s doing it makes it even guilt-free.

This is but a test of how strong our resolve is with adhering to that which we know is right. One can never be perfectly upright, but just the mere effort in attempting to be one is indicative of a heart that is willing to be kindled with a flame that brews righteousness and deposits uprightness.

FEU wants us to grow into properly nurtured and holistic individuals with exemplary discerning skills. Knowing what’s right from wrong, good from evil, and being able to weigh it in an upright manner is the key to every sound decision. We were born with the power to recognize two opposite entities as they are being defined. We were brought up with the fundamental knowledge of good and evil, of right and wrong, and we were indoctrinated to pursue only that which is good or right, and eliminate from thought anything that is evil or wrong.

Proper moral discernment is what defines us and our way of living. Uprightness is but the consequence of correct moral judgment and a steadfast faith on our beliefs. This is how we should grow. What small efforts we put into being students of honesty and integrity must be stretched to a wider angle and must reach outside the bounds of the walled city we call school. How plausible is this, to try to live an upright life amidst reality’s chaotic nature? How could we possibly choose the genuine option when we are presented with all the wrong things, disguised as the right ones? Deceit is everywhere, and politics has become a moral consideration. This is where we should apply discernment in an objective manner, and be upright and staunch with it.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we should be the change we want to see in the world. If we want to change the world, a massive collective effort must be exerted in which everyone works on changing themselves for the better. Everything starts from within, then it stretches out to our families, our friends, the community and eventually, the network of change affects an entire nation. If we do at least one right thing at a time, then eventually we could turn the world into the ‘right’ place; a place where everyone works in harmony and peace, where everyone knows the thick line separating good from evil, a place where everyone has a tight grip on morality, honesty and integrity.

The concept of uprightness and how to get there has always been there, and even in the past, much has been said about its nature. Our role as students and citizens as one is to ensure that we use God’s gift of discernment in a progressive way, in a way that will mold us into wise and morally upright citizens, in a way that will reach out to our nation’s pleas of help even in the littlest ways. There’s no better way to do this than to act. Now.

Bertrand Russell was right stating that there are two sides to morality, one which we preach but hardly practice and one which we practice but seldom preach. By writing this, I have come to value honesty more than ever and so I cannot be called a hypocrite by telling you that I have just preached what I hardly practice, thus the title.
hey! i gave an "inspirational" speech yesterday during the Dean's List Awarding.
yesss, dream come true! i was ridiculously fidgeting about this on my previous posts right, i'm so thankful it went well appreciated! yehey, thank you Lord!

i don't actually think it's a kickass piece. inspirational speeches tend to be generic, but i did my best in the 6 hours i tried to put this together, see unscensored progress report at my twitter timeline. and FreeMind was a friggin great help. i'll definitely use it every time i need to write. err, which is going to be more usual than ever from now on.

i can feel the load getting heavier. the amount of responsibilities is taking its toll on me. i think i deserve a full day without thinking about my continuously incrementing to-do list. ok, 24 hours seems too much to waste. so Lord, please give me more sleep na lang! or maybe i'll just buy sleepasil. oh drugs.

speech down the cut, untitled cos i'm creative that way:


To everyone who’s here, to the audience, my fellow dean’s listers, faculty, department heads and our executive director, good morning. Although I’m very nervous, it’s a pleasure to be standing here today. This is probably the chance where I get to thank everyone who has helped me gain such achievement, as well as share a little bit of how I came to be here. I remember last year, when it was my first time to attend this recognition program, I was sitting there among you guys, listening to a fellow scholar deliver her privileged speech. Back then, the thought of being where she was excited me. I told myself that one day, I’ll get my share of that stage, I’ll be a full scholar and be recognized for it. And I’m pretty positive that this is that day. A year of dreaming combined with bloody hard work, determination, perseverance, patience, sleepless nights, and gallons of coffee, and it all paid off. It’s now my turn.

I’m here because I worked hard for this, but more importantly, I’m here because I envisioned myself to be where I am today. It all starts with goal-setting. Know what you want, and see yourself getting it. If you think you deserve it, then chances are you have what it takes. I started college as an ordinary (and sometimes delinquent) student wanting nothing else than to end the day, go home, and sleep. School was just a matter of making sure I have at least one smart and grade conscious classmate in a group project. And observing complete attendance is the key to passing a subject. Every day is a matter of survival, and the best strategy for lazy people like me, is to play safe.

But playing safe barely gets you anywhere, sure it gets you somewhere, but there is hardly any fulfillment in it. Being mediocre will cripple your dreams. God knows the plans he has for us, and knowing God, the plan he laid out for each and every one of us is big. If you’re not willing to step out of your comfort zone, you can never see how much rewarding life is, you can never see how much capable you are. The destination is set, but the path is yours to create.
There is so much potential in our dreams that is waiting to be released only if we have the right tools. Education is one. And it’s arguably the most important factor in converting your dreams into reality. Education is knowledge, and knowledge is power. Even with being a student, never settle with being just average. You were made for something bigger. As American columnist Maureen Dowd puts it, “The minute you settle for something less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

This is a shout out to all the people who helped me realize that I was made for something great: my parents, my friends, my inspirations, my friendly rivals and of course God. I owe you a lot. This day is just one of the many more landmarks I wish to plot in my map to success.
With this, I wish everyone a good day. Thank you, and God bless.
this was a funny video. i ran through this while searching for a particular entry from the archives, and thought i had to repost it for archive's sake! my old blog has a dysfunctional search widget so i had to skim through every freakin entry for a certain day i needed to start my freakin speech, which is you know, as of 1:30am... 0%. or maybe 10% since i've kinda mind mapped already. argh. what's gonna happen to me tomorrow. >:((

here you go! my second bouquet! because i'm cursed like that.
december 30, 2009
purple jacket  >:D



i'm putting you to the test!

i'm doing some pretty crappy clustering right now, hopefully in a few hours i'll be ready with my speech. whew.
i hope i don't screw up, it's been a year since i last spoke to a large audience. 4 years since i last spoke alone and with an original composition. and, well, 10 years since i first spoke publicly.

waaaahhh stress! the coffee is finally kicking in and my heart is thumping madly out of panic (that there isn't a single sentence yet in my speech) and nervousness. oh Lord. help me. help me please.

zfkjlabnshlf

in Jesus' name!
wooooh